Knut - this lovely, sweet, wonderful, cute little polar bear baby, who was born Dezember 5th 2006 in Berlin annoyed me sooo much..
Every Religion lesson we talked about this polar bear. My teacher was a real big fan of Knut. Our record of talking about Knut was 45 minutes. During that time our teacher told us how cute Knut was and how the Berlin Zoo managed to handle all the people who wanted to see Knut. Now no one talkes about Knut any more because he isn't that cute any longer. He's a huge polar bear now;Too big to be cute.
Marco W. - the 19 year old German who went on vacation to Antalya with this family and then spend about 8 months in prison because he had sex with a 17 year old Briton. Did he rape her or not? I can't really tell but he was on the news every week.
Madeleine - a four year old girl disappeared on May the 3rd in Portugal. Till today no one knows where she is.
Lea-Sophie - was one of six or even more babies who died in Germany this year.
A mother threw her baby out of the window, and many other babies died because of neglect.
Lea-Sophie died because she didn't get enough food.
2007 so many babies and children died because their parents didn't take enough care, were brutal or didn't want to have their own babies any longer.
Blacksburg - you might even know more about the crazed action of the 23 year old guy who killed 32 humans than me.
I don't really know what to write about Blacksburg because it's too horrible to write about it. But I know that heros were made that day. The most famouse one was Christopher Jamie Bishop. He died because he saved his students.
Every year so many crazed action happen and not only in the USA. Even here at my own school strange things happen.
I was shocked when I heared about Blacksburg because a few months earlier a self-made bomb was build and planted at my school. No one was hurt at our school but there's still this hole in the asphalt and since that time the police drives around our school more often.
Benazir Bhutto - was killed because of a suicide.
She was first woman elected to lead a Muslim state, Pakistan.
So many cruel things happend 2007; too many!
For me personal the last year was pretty split into good and bad times.
Some of my family members died and two guys I knew died in a car crash.
So people disapeared in my life but there were also some who appeared.
I got to know some people of my grade, we hang out together and now we're really good friends. We spend a lot of time together. I attend service at their church and they are really awesome friends.
I'm so glad they entered my life.
Now 2007 is almost over and I'm some kind of sad about it. 2007 was an emotional year and 2008 will be the year of changes for me.
I'll finish school, leave home, go to college and I'll have some cuts in my life.
My life will change a lot.
I wish you all a blessed and happy 2008 and a wonderful New Year's Eve!
-Krissi
P.S. When I finished this blog entry I realized that I wrote about more horrible things than wonderful things of 2007.
It's always like this. You don't remember the good things but the bad ones.
But surely there were some more wonderful events in 2007.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Thursday, December 27, 2007
termination of pregnancy
I need to do a presentation in Religion about Amnesty International. Today I did a lot of research about it, I looked so many things up on the internet. Now I know a lot about ai. I know about the structure of the organisation, I know how it was founded, I know what its aims are...
I think I’m well prepared for my presentation.
When I had a look at a homepage on which ai was described I saw a picture of the Pope on its bottom. So I read through the article and I found out that the Vatikan asks Catholics to think twice about joining ai because of ai’s attitude towards termination of pregnancy.
I did some research about it on the internet...
and I found out that
Amnesty International isn’t for termination of pregnancy in general.
ai is for termination of pregnancy if the woman is a victim of rape, has committed incest or if there are any health risks for the mother.
It’s weird for me to imagine that anyone can’t understand their opinion and their reasons for decriminalizing termination of pregnancy in these cases.
How can a woman live with a child in whose eyes she sees the pain of herself being raped?
How can a woman live with a child who is handicapped and she knows that she’s responsible for this handicap?
Who’s life is more important? The life of the mother or the life of an unborn child of whom we don’t even know if he/she’ll survive without his mother?
But when does life start? When is an embryo a human? We can’t tell...
Are we killing a human life when we kill the embryo or is the embryo still a little something without any feelings?
Termination of pregnancy is one of the subjects for me of which I don’t really have a clear opinion and I can’t have one because my opinion refers to the case.
In some cases I would never procure abortion but if I really have to think about it because my unborn child has a disease which will bring the child to horrible pain, I don’t know how I’ll decide.
And I hope that I’ll never have to make such a decision in my whole life.
God bless you
-Krissi
Monday, December 24, 2007
MERRY CHRISTMAS
I wish you all a Merry Christmas!
I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and a happy holiday.
I hope you'll enjoy today's special day of love.
I hope you know what a huge gift has been given to us about 2000 years ago. And the most amazing thing is that this gift still lasts. It's not that you use that gift a few weeks and then it breaks or it becomes useless, no, it will always be useful and it will never break.
The gift I'm talking about is Jesus. He is the hugest present I ever received. God gave him to me and to all others who want to receive this gift.
Today we celebrate the the birth of Christ and the reason why so many people believe in this awesome God; LOVE!
God gave his own son to save us humans and the reason why he did this is the love he has for us humans.
MERRY CHRISTMAS
God bless You
-Krissi
I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and a happy holiday.
I hope you'll enjoy today's special day of love.
I hope you know what a huge gift has been given to us about 2000 years ago. And the most amazing thing is that this gift still lasts. It's not that you use that gift a few weeks and then it breaks or it becomes useless, no, it will always be useful and it will never break.
The gift I'm talking about is Jesus. He is the hugest present I ever received. God gave him to me and to all others who want to receive this gift.
Today we celebrate the the birth of Christ and the reason why so many people believe in this awesome God; LOVE!
God gave his own son to save us humans and the reason why he did this is the love he has for us humans.
MERRY CHRISTMAS
God bless You
-Krissi
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
being lonely...
can be something wonderful when you want to be lonely.
Today I wanted to be on my own. I didn't want anyone around me. I just wanted to thing about some stuff, get rid of some stuff which was on my mind and I need time to talk to God in silent.
So I went out to my favorite place. It's about 1 mile away from home.
I walked there with my mp3-player. I listened to some music and when I finally arrived there I sat down on that bench next to the statue made out of stone. This statue means something special to me. It was placed at that beautiful place the year I started to believe and gave my life in God's hands.
The statue shows a father and in his arms is a crying child.
At the bottom of the statue is 'Deine Güte reicht soweit der Himmel ist' (Your kindness is as far as heaven stretches) written. And yes, this verse of the bible is exactly what the place is about. When you look to your right, there's a small forest and in summer you sit on that bench right next to the birds in the trees and over your head is this huge tree with all its leaves.
To your left, there are fields and when you look straight ahead you can see the Swabian Albs, these mountains seem to be so near by but even so far away. Yes, God's kindness is as far as heaven stretches.
And every time I'm right there at that lovely place, at my place I feel lonely but I love it.
I feel free their, I feel like I can do everything I want to. I just feel good.
I wish you to have such a place as well
God bless you
-Krissi
Today I wanted to be on my own. I didn't want anyone around me. I just wanted to thing about some stuff, get rid of some stuff which was on my mind and I need time to talk to God in silent.
So I went out to my favorite place. It's about 1 mile away from home.
I walked there with my mp3-player. I listened to some music and when I finally arrived there I sat down on that bench next to the statue made out of stone. This statue means something special to me. It was placed at that beautiful place the year I started to believe and gave my life in God's hands.
The statue shows a father and in his arms is a crying child.
At the bottom of the statue is 'Deine Güte reicht soweit der Himmel ist' (Your kindness is as far as heaven stretches) written. And yes, this verse of the bible is exactly what the place is about. When you look to your right, there's a small forest and in summer you sit on that bench right next to the birds in the trees and over your head is this huge tree with all its leaves.
To your left, there are fields and when you look straight ahead you can see the Swabian Albs, these mountains seem to be so near by but even so far away. Yes, God's kindness is as far as heaven stretches.
And every time I'm right there at that lovely place, at my place I feel lonely but I love it.
I feel free their, I feel like I can do everything I want to. I just feel good.
I wish you to have such a place as well
God bless you
-Krissi
Monday, December 17, 2007
evolution theory - God's creation
I never really believed in Evolution theories; not the one of
I also didn’t really believe the bible when it comes to the point how the earth was created.
God’s creation in the bible is written down like a song. There are the strophes in which God’s doing is described and then there’s the refrain with the words ‘And God saw that it was good.’
It was just a song for me; Nothing more.
But about one week ago I talked to someone about Evolution and about God’s creation.
He told me about Dr. Kent Hovind and his theory.
Dr. Kent Hovind says that the bible says the truth and that God made the earth and that the earth isn’t as old as the evolution theories say (young earth creationism).
And the weird thing is, the more I do research about him and his theory the clearer it becomes to me and I can believe it.
He also says that humans lived together with dinosaurs.
I ask you, is the picture a proof for this theory?
I would say, yes. How can a footprint of a dinosaur and of a human be together in one layer of rock if they didn’t live together at the same time.
But all the Evolution theories and also the theory of Dr. Kent Hovind are just theories! No one has a real proof for his theory because no one was there, when the earth began to be earth.
But I think everyone has to find the theory he/she can believe in.
God will help you to find the right one.God bless you
-Krissi
Sunday, December 16, 2007
things which make you feel good
This morning at church, our kids of the childrens' service had their nativity scene. It was so awesome to see all the children. It was so cute to see how dithered they were and I really enjoyed it. These cute little girls with their long blond hair dressed up as angles, the proud boys as shepherds... it made me feel good because I reconized that all the time I've spend with them within the last few weeks and all the practice for the nativity scene weren't for nothing.
This morning showed me once more that life is too short to worry too much
The following 50 things can make you feel good:
1. Falling in love.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the supermarket.
5. A special glance.
6. Getting mail.
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
11. Chocolate milkshake (vanilla).
12. A bubble bath.
13. Giggling.
14. A good conversation.
15 The beach
16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.
17. Laughing at yourself.
18. Looking into their eyes and knowing they Love you
19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
20. Running through sprinklers.
21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
23. Laughing at an inside joke with FRIENDS
25. Hearing someone say something nice about you.
26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).
28. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
29. Playing with a new puppy.
30. Having someone play with your hair.
31. Sweet dreams.
32. Hot chocolate.
33. Road trips with friends.
34. Swinging on swings.
35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
36. Making chocolate chip cookies.
37. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.
38. Holding hands with someone you care about.
39. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or
bad) never change.
40. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much
desired present from you.
41. Watching the sunrise.
42. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another
beautiful day.
43. Knowing that somebody misses you.
44. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.
45. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people
think.
46. Watching the birds in the trees.
47. Taking care of others.
48. Taking a walk and enjoying the sun shining on your face.
49. Having dinner with your family.
50. Spending time with people who care about you and of whom you care.
So open your eyes and be happy about the small things in your life.
I wish you a nice last week before Christmas
enjoy the time and hopefully you won't be in too much hurry for buying the last Christmas presents and doing all the stuff which has to be done before Christmas
God bless you
-Krissi
This morning showed me once more that life is too short to worry too much
The following 50 things can make you feel good:
1. Falling in love.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the supermarket.
5. A special glance.
6. Getting mail.
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
11. Chocolate milkshake (vanilla).
12. A bubble bath.
13. Giggling.
14. A good conversation.
15 The beach
16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.
17. Laughing at yourself.
18. Looking into their eyes and knowing they Love you
19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
20. Running through sprinklers.
21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
23. Laughing at an inside joke with FRIENDS
25. Hearing someone say something nice about you.
26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).
28. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
29. Playing with a new puppy.
30. Having someone play with your hair.
31. Sweet dreams.
32. Hot chocolate.
33. Road trips with friends.
34. Swinging on swings.
35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
36. Making chocolate chip cookies.
37. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.
38. Holding hands with someone you care about.
39. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or
bad) never change.
40. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much
desired present from you.
41. Watching the sunrise.
42. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another
beautiful day.
43. Knowing that somebody misses you.
44. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.
45. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people
think.
46. Watching the birds in the trees.
47. Taking care of others.
48. Taking a walk and enjoying the sun shining on your face.
49. Having dinner with your family.
50. Spending time with people who care about you and of whom you care.
So open your eyes and be happy about the small things in your life.
I wish you a nice last week before Christmas
enjoy the time and hopefully you won't be in too much hurry for buying the last Christmas presents and doing all the stuff which has to be done before Christmas
God bless you
-Krissi
Friday, December 14, 2007
the first blog entry of Krissi
Hey!
Archer asked me to write some blog entries during the time he’s on his outreach and Punjabican is on her winter break from school.
It’s some kind of weird for me to blog here because this blog has always been Archer’s for me.
He has always been the one who blogged most of the time and I don’t really know what to write about, especially because I need to write in English and it’s hard for me to find the right English words to say what I mean.
So I just want to introduce myself to the ones who read this blog:
I’m Krissi, I’m from
I’m a Christian who has many questions about God, the bible, the right belief and how I can live my life the way God wants me to live it.
I believe in God.
I believe in Jesus.
I believe in the Holy Spirit.
I believe in the opportunity of everyone to change something in this cruel world even if it’s only a small change.
I believe that one day I’ll know what my function in this world is.
I just believe in so many other things I can’t list here because it would take me hours to write them all down.
I believe and that’s good.
I know so many people who studied Theology and who deal with the bible in a critical way. I got to know this way of dealing with the bible and I still practice it.
But is a critical way of reading the Bible the right way?
One of my friends asked me how I can believe in God when I ask for logical answers to every question.
I can’t tell. It’s my social environment which influences me a lot and which brings me to ask all these questions.
But he told me that it should not be people around me who influence me. It should be God.
And yes, he’s right. God made me to what I am and I’m very thankful for his love and his patience which he always has for me.
But the people around me and their believes influence me as well.
So now you know the thing I’m most struggling with; my belief even if I believe.
And I believe that there are many grammar and spelling mistakes in this blog entry. I’m sorry for them but I tried to do my best.
God bless you,
lots of greetings from
-Krissi
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
welcome Krissi!
Krissi is now officially the fourth member of the team (the third of the active roster, and the fifth to join the journal)!
please be as kind to her and her views as you have been to myself and mine!
she is not going to be an exact carbon copy of my theology and idealogy, so please don't expect it. in fact i've already told her that i want her to post anything she can think of on here that we disagree about already. there's not much, but she's definitely got a right to post her own stance and opinion.
God be with you all!
see you next year!
PAX
-archer
please be as kind to her and her views as you have been to myself and mine!
she is not going to be an exact carbon copy of my theology and idealogy, so please don't expect it. in fact i've already told her that i want her to post anything she can think of on here that we disagree about already. there's not much, but she's definitely got a right to post her own stance and opinion.
God be with you all!
see you next year!
PAX
-archer
into able hands, and a very able heart
as early as Friday, December 14, 2007 i and my partner, Punjabican, will both be unable to contribute here until next year.
it is hard to have to shelve this for now, but when i return from outreach (in Mwanza, TZ) on January 10, 2008, i should have some great stories and observations and other thoughts to post on here. she will be going on winter break from school, as of this friday, and i don't remember exactly when she'll be able to start writing again.
we apologize for the boredom that may ensue whenever you check into this site. God knows i will be bored without this so familiar arm of expression.
but we also trust that we will by no means suffer any loss of creativity and imagination and material to put up on here!
in other news, though slightly related, we're capping off our first calendar year with this blog, with our first anniversary actually coming next month, on January 12. when we began we had four writers. three are still on board, but only two of us remain active. on our first day both Punjabican and i posted about the beginnings of everything we were striving four.
i said, on January 28, "i am going to experience the hardest months of my life to date, this year." the entry was entitled "i never knew i could be so tired"
that holds perfectly true, even though i had yet no real idea of what it was really going to look like.
it's interesting to look back and see that despite our early idealism, we've all stuck to our guns. even the two writers who don't write anymore have remained true to their hearts, and to mine, as my friends, and i know all four of us did something right by starting this journal.
it will be sad to go for so long, writing nothing. if i get a chance to, i have one other friend, deeply involved with all that Punjabican and i are striving toward, and also a great writer--i would like to invite her to join us as well! and perhaps, Punjabican and i will leave this journal in her able hands and very able heart.
thanks to everyone on the team who has made this such a great year! my love and prayers are with you all!
Merry Christmas!
Happy New Year!
May God's constant presence be a blessing and a joy to you as seasons shift.
PAX.
Namaste.
Salaams.
Peace.
-Archer & Punjabican
it is hard to have to shelve this for now, but when i return from outreach (in Mwanza, TZ) on January 10, 2008, i should have some great stories and observations and other thoughts to post on here. she will be going on winter break from school, as of this friday, and i don't remember exactly when she'll be able to start writing again.
we apologize for the boredom that may ensue whenever you check into this site. God knows i will be bored without this so familiar arm of expression.
but we also trust that we will by no means suffer any loss of creativity and imagination and material to put up on here!
in other news, though slightly related, we're capping off our first calendar year with this blog, with our first anniversary actually coming next month, on January 12. when we began we had four writers. three are still on board, but only two of us remain active. on our first day both Punjabican and i posted about the beginnings of everything we were striving four.
i said, on January 28, "i am going to experience the hardest months of my life to date, this year." the entry was entitled "i never knew i could be so tired"
that holds perfectly true, even though i had yet no real idea of what it was really going to look like.
it's interesting to look back and see that despite our early idealism, we've all stuck to our guns. even the two writers who don't write anymore have remained true to their hearts, and to mine, as my friends, and i know all four of us did something right by starting this journal.
it will be sad to go for so long, writing nothing. if i get a chance to, i have one other friend, deeply involved with all that Punjabican and i are striving toward, and also a great writer--i would like to invite her to join us as well! and perhaps, Punjabican and i will leave this journal in her able hands and very able heart.
thanks to everyone on the team who has made this such a great year! my love and prayers are with you all!
Merry Christmas!
Happy New Year!
May God's constant presence be a blessing and a joy to you as seasons shift.
PAX.
Namaste.
Salaams.
Peace.
-Archer & Punjabican
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
heat
the heat is on.
i feel idle once again.
i feel a waste of energy and knowledge.
i need to be out there.
gotta go fight.
the heat is on.
i picked up 'Not On Our Watch' again, after over a month. just in the mood for something political and activism-related. and now i feel more lost than ever.
missions is important, and not more or less important than justice, i believe. frankly, i think Jesus seemed to emphasize how we are to live more than what we are living for in the end. i could be wrong. but that's just the impression i get.
i feel idle once again.
i'm in Africa, but there's so little i can do. i can't give money since i'm so low on it myself. i can't write letters since letters across Africa rarely seem to make it where they're going (sent one to Dodoma, TZ, from here, and one to Capetown--two months ago. no reply.)
i miss lobbying with my colleague Bethany P. she and i were a good team. we hit two congresspersons from Ohio in one week, while thousands of other Amnesty activists were doing the same nation-wide. and that was back in March. i can't do anything like that here. in Darfur, people are still targets.
i feel a waste of energy and knowledge.
i learned a lot about Darfur and other issues like it, while working with Bethany in the spring. i've learned a lot while reading this book. i've learned a lot from peers and fellow passionate people.
i'm nearly consumed by the energy for this task. i'm at the point where i'm willing to pull out anything i can from companies my Roth IRA is invested in, if they're in any way connected to Sudan. i'll march straight up Capital Hill chanting if you give me a chance.
i need to be out there.
sitting here, with all this energy cooped up inside me, feeling so useless and yet so potent, i can think of only two solutions: either go to Khartoum personally, or likewise to D.C.
i need to be among the ranks of the marchers, the lobbyists, the mega-phone shouters and screamers, the political writers and journalists, the eager students and sacrificial soldiers. but i'm here, with an ever watchful eye for just such an opportunity.
gotta go fight.
standing at the edge of the cliff, what else is there to do. i've been backed into the corner by the indifference and ignorance around me. the people with the blank faces don't realize where i am, how close i am to the edge.
but now i've gotta take a stand, raise the banner, draw attention, raise awareness. shake things up. fight. things get dirty when people raise havoc. quiet is more destructive than loud protest. i gotta go join the fight.
Get into gear and make some noise.
-Archer
i feel idle once again.
i feel a waste of energy and knowledge.
i need to be out there.
gotta go fight.
the heat is on.
i picked up 'Not On Our Watch' again, after over a month. just in the mood for something political and activism-related. and now i feel more lost than ever.
missions is important, and not more or less important than justice, i believe. frankly, i think Jesus seemed to emphasize how we are to live more than what we are living for in the end. i could be wrong. but that's just the impression i get.
i feel idle once again.
i'm in Africa, but there's so little i can do. i can't give money since i'm so low on it myself. i can't write letters since letters across Africa rarely seem to make it where they're going (sent one to Dodoma, TZ, from here, and one to Capetown--two months ago. no reply.)
i miss lobbying with my colleague Bethany P. she and i were a good team. we hit two congresspersons from Ohio in one week, while thousands of other Amnesty activists were doing the same nation-wide. and that was back in March. i can't do anything like that here. in Darfur, people are still targets.
i feel a waste of energy and knowledge.
i learned a lot about Darfur and other issues like it, while working with Bethany in the spring. i've learned a lot while reading this book. i've learned a lot from peers and fellow passionate people.
i'm nearly consumed by the energy for this task. i'm at the point where i'm willing to pull out anything i can from companies my Roth IRA is invested in, if they're in any way connected to Sudan. i'll march straight up Capital Hill chanting if you give me a chance.
i need to be out there.
sitting here, with all this energy cooped up inside me, feeling so useless and yet so potent, i can think of only two solutions: either go to Khartoum personally, or likewise to D.C.
i need to be among the ranks of the marchers, the lobbyists, the mega-phone shouters and screamers, the political writers and journalists, the eager students and sacrificial soldiers. but i'm here, with an ever watchful eye for just such an opportunity.
gotta go fight.
standing at the edge of the cliff, what else is there to do. i've been backed into the corner by the indifference and ignorance around me. the people with the blank faces don't realize where i am, how close i am to the edge.
but now i've gotta take a stand, raise the banner, draw attention, raise awareness. shake things up. fight. things get dirty when people raise havoc. quiet is more destructive than loud protest. i gotta go join the fight.
Get into gear and make some noise.
-Archer
Sunday, December 9, 2007
-a really controversial political/ecclesiastical blog on Hillary Clinton-
Hitler.
Stalin.
Mao.
Communist China.
Soviet USSR.
NAZI Germany.
Sharia Saudi Arabia.
Disappearances.
Firing Squads.
Hangings.
Arrests.
Public Executions.
...or simply slander.
all these people, places, and things are closely correlated, in collected memory and common knowledge, with the reality of vast persecution. the very last (and seemingly least) on this list, is rarely measured as the same caliber.
but maybe that's all the persecution Jesus and his roving bands will get if Hillary is elected next year.
the Church is (or was) strong under all the regimes listed, in their respective locations. what if the Church would grow if it realized that Christendom didn't have a monopoly on the grand establishment of 'American Government'? ("Hail the con-qu'ring HE-ROOOO!!!" *trumpet blast*)
i wanted to vote for Barack Obama.
(even though he spoke of invading Pakistan)
i wanted to vote for Sam Brownback.
(even though he seems to have a beef against gay people)
i wanted to vote for Ron Paul.
(even though he seems to have no mercy on illegal immigrants)
i wanted to vote for Morgan Freeman.
(even though a great African American like him only stands a chance in 'Deep Impact')
i even wanted to vote for Jesus Christ.
(but Mom told me that would probably be a waste unless His second coming is inauguration day, 2009)
but, no... out of nowhere, while pondering the increasingly over-Christianite right-wing political climate of the U.S. ... God throws me a curveball, and puts a brand new name into this young voter's head.
yeah... hers.
Hillary Clinton.
i'm so confused. but i think maybe she'll have my vote.
i want to clarify this... somehow.
growing up, i was raised in a relatively conservative Christian home. i've had really close friends raised in very strict homes of the like. many of those friends have turned their backs on their old "faith" since it was more of a force-fed, indoctrinated religion. i stated once in a youth group setting, a few years back, that my biggest feared is an entirely Christian-run world. frankly, as i begin to understand american politics, that holds true more fervently than ever. i don't want to live in a Christian nation, just as i don't want to live in an atheist nation (like the former government in Albania), or under Sharia (Qur'an) Law, like Saudi Arabia and Afghanistan, and the northern half of Nigeria.
i can't see any of those places truly benefiting the heart the citizens have for their God (or lack there-of).
Jesus did not overthrow Roman occupation in Israel. Rather, Jesus did attack Pharisee religious leaders on nearly a daily basis.
Jesus attacked religious rulership because it left the Pharisees devoid of love for their beautiful Adonai!
i have a friend attending classes at Liberty University in Lynchburg, Virginia. she's recently written that she misses God. the late Jerry Falwell has set up his school in so distinctly a Christian frame that men and women stay on opposite ends of campus, and on only one day a year is any member of the opposite sex (aside from immediate family, hopefully) allowed into your dorm room, as a sort of 'Open House'. God is everywhere on that campus, and seemingly nowhere in the hearts of some of its students.
my friend misses God, on a Christian college campus in the Bible Belt of the USofA!
people say they’ll leave the country if Hillary’s elected. who knows, maybe she’ll deport half of us anyway... i know so little of her politics--except that she’s a caricature of the devil to so many right-wing Christians.
i think i’d rather leave a country under the rulership of Pharisees than abandon the strong and the few faithful, under Nero.
“So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law.” -Paul’s letter to the members of the Church in Galatia, chapter 5: verse 1
if we are free to choose, will we not choose the Truth?
PAX (ROMANA)
Stalin.
Mao.
Communist China.
Soviet USSR.
NAZI Germany.
Sharia Saudi Arabia.
Disappearances.
Firing Squads.
Hangings.
Arrests.
Public Executions.
...or simply slander.
all these people, places, and things are closely correlated, in collected memory and common knowledge, with the reality of vast persecution. the very last (and seemingly least) on this list, is rarely measured as the same caliber.
but maybe that's all the persecution Jesus and his roving bands will get if Hillary is elected next year.
the Church is (or was) strong under all the regimes listed, in their respective locations. what if the Church would grow if it realized that Christendom didn't have a monopoly on the grand establishment of 'American Government'? ("Hail the con-qu'ring HE-ROOOO!!!" *trumpet blast*)
i wanted to vote for Barack Obama.
(even though he spoke of invading Pakistan)
i wanted to vote for Sam Brownback.
(even though he seems to have a beef against gay people)
i wanted to vote for Ron Paul.
(even though he seems to have no mercy on illegal immigrants)
i wanted to vote for Morgan Freeman.
(even though a great African American like him only stands a chance in 'Deep Impact')
i even wanted to vote for Jesus Christ.
(but Mom told me that would probably be a waste unless His second coming is inauguration day, 2009)
but, no... out of nowhere, while pondering the increasingly over-Christianite right-wing political climate of the U.S. ... God throws me a curveball, and puts a brand new name into this young voter's head.
yeah... hers.
Hillary Clinton.
i'm so confused. but i think maybe she'll have my vote.
i want to clarify this... somehow.
growing up, i was raised in a relatively conservative Christian home. i've had really close friends raised in very strict homes of the like. many of those friends have turned their backs on their old "faith" since it was more of a force-fed, indoctrinated religion. i stated once in a youth group setting, a few years back, that my biggest feared is an entirely Christian-run world. frankly, as i begin to understand american politics, that holds true more fervently than ever. i don't want to live in a Christian nation, just as i don't want to live in an atheist nation (like the former government in Albania), or under Sharia (Qur'an) Law, like Saudi Arabia and Afghanistan, and the northern half of Nigeria.
i can't see any of those places truly benefiting the heart the citizens have for their God (or lack there-of).
Jesus did not overthrow Roman occupation in Israel. Rather, Jesus did attack Pharisee religious leaders on nearly a daily basis.
Jesus attacked religious rulership because it left the Pharisees devoid of love for their beautiful Adonai!
i have a friend attending classes at Liberty University in Lynchburg, Virginia. she's recently written that she misses God. the late Jerry Falwell has set up his school in so distinctly a Christian frame that men and women stay on opposite ends of campus, and on only one day a year is any member of the opposite sex (aside from immediate family, hopefully) allowed into your dorm room, as a sort of 'Open House'. God is everywhere on that campus, and seemingly nowhere in the hearts of some of its students.
my friend misses God, on a Christian college campus in the Bible Belt of the USofA!
people say they’ll leave the country if Hillary’s elected. who knows, maybe she’ll deport half of us anyway... i know so little of her politics--except that she’s a caricature of the devil to so many right-wing Christians.
i think i’d rather leave a country under the rulership of Pharisees than abandon the strong and the few faithful, under Nero.
“So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law.” -Paul’s letter to the members of the Church in Galatia, chapter 5: verse 1
if we are free to choose, will we not choose the Truth?
PAX (ROMANA)
Saturday, December 8, 2007
an amendment to my reading list
not a fan of serial killer novels. thought i could go with 'The Poet', mentioned a few posts ago, but no-siree-bob! it wasn't exactly of the calibre of "film noir" which is what i'd hoped for. with was worse than Law & Order SVU.
not my thing. especially since lately it's just been the last book i've been in the mood to pick up. i pulled it out of my satchel (which is with me no matter where i am, no matter what room on the base i'm occupying!)--an incredibly huge step since i over-pack to compensate for any kind of mood i might be in for various reading material. frankly pulling it out was a huge vote of no confidence!
it just isn't edifying. i think i'm finally beginning to face things the way my dad does. he's got a knack for removing books and movies that won't do his psyche (or more importantly, his relationship with Jesus) any good, and he sacks 'em, reads or watches something better, and never misses a beat in life.
i think i'm finally growing up and getting to that point in my walk with the Son of God. i just don't want filler crap any more.
feels good to put this novel behind me for good!
PAX.
not my thing. especially since lately it's just been the last book i've been in the mood to pick up. i pulled it out of my satchel (which is with me no matter where i am, no matter what room on the base i'm occupying!)--an incredibly huge step since i over-pack to compensate for any kind of mood i might be in for various reading material. frankly pulling it out was a huge vote of no confidence!
it just isn't edifying. i think i'm finally beginning to face things the way my dad does. he's got a knack for removing books and movies that won't do his psyche (or more importantly, his relationship with Jesus) any good, and he sacks 'em, reads or watches something better, and never misses a beat in life.
i think i'm finally growing up and getting to that point in my walk with the Son of God. i just don't want filler crap any more.
feels good to put this novel behind me for good!
PAX.
Rose with Dirty Feet
i scrambled frantically around while the rest of my class was still singing worship songs in the classroom, across the courtyard. i collected a large plastic basin from the showers in the guy's restroom, my own bath towel, and an 8-inch ceramic bowl from the kitchen, filling it carefully with the cleanest water i could, since the base has been running on muddy water for the past 48 hours.
the words of John's gospel (chapter 13:1-17) pulsing through my heart as i try to make sense of what just entered my mind while looking across the classroom, singing Swahili spirituals, my eyes locked on a woman named Rose. she'll be leaving our DTS early because she's pregnant and probably about to pop. she won't be doing the outreach, but she'll be able to re-attend just that phase of any of the upcoming DTSes next year.
our leader explained Rose's farewell story to us after we finished eating, and our speaker for the week prayed over her, preparing her for the journey ahead, along the road home, across the breadth of Tanzania.
as the singing began, Jesus' action and words in John's gospel stabbed into me from no place i can imagine. origin-less, these thoughts led me to take another drag on my coke bottle, setting it down on the table in front of me again, and then exitting the chorus.
coming back across the courtyard now, mission accomplished, i was steadily carrying a basin, cradling a bowl and my big brown towel, praying in the dark of night that i wasn't spilling anything. i didn't understand where this had come from.
Jesus, i haven't done this in years. is this really your idea? am i gonna look really vain? i feel like an attention grabber.
10 minutes later, i was on my knees in a room only occupied by myself and three others, dipping my clumsy, lanky white hands into the bowl, and carrying water carefully over to Rose's feet waiting in the basin.
"Maji baridi?"
"Ndiyo."
She hisses. i've just told her that yes, the water will be cold.
"Pole." (Sorry.)
at first the water invokes a recoil on her part, but soon, as Paul reads the story in John 13, from his Swahili Bible, seated next to her, i am lost in the one i am imitating.
first the right foot, then she withdraws it, dried to the touch, and offers her left foot, just as thickened, toughened, and scarred as the first. her brown skin is difficult to gauge concerning it's cleanliness, but i'm thorough anyway. and then finishing up, i wipe it dry with my towel, draped in a bundle over my right shoulder.
she blesses me quietly ("Mungu aku bariki.") as i look up at her when i finish, pulling away the basin and bowl, drying up the floor where Jesus had humbled me. Paul finishes reading, closing the bible, unable to meet my eyes, because his are watering up. not because of what i've done, i'm sure, but because Rose is one of his best friends here, and she's leaving too soon. i hug them both, resting my head on both shoulders in turn, and then just as quietly as i'd begun, i'm done, and take my leave.
suddenly all i want is to be alone with Jesus.
suddenly all i can think about is Jesus, the Son of Man whom i've just imitated and obeyed.
and suddenly i get why i did it.
it had nothing to do with Rose, really. she may or may not remember the mzungu who washed her feet, several months from now, while caring for her sixth child in its infant stages. but i'll remember how captive i suddenly was to Jesus.
and he'll remember what it was like to have, on this rare occassion, my full attention.
PAX.
the words of John's gospel (chapter 13:1-17) pulsing through my heart as i try to make sense of what just entered my mind while looking across the classroom, singing Swahili spirituals, my eyes locked on a woman named Rose. she'll be leaving our DTS early because she's pregnant and probably about to pop. she won't be doing the outreach, but she'll be able to re-attend just that phase of any of the upcoming DTSes next year.
our leader explained Rose's farewell story to us after we finished eating, and our speaker for the week prayed over her, preparing her for the journey ahead, along the road home, across the breadth of Tanzania.
as the singing began, Jesus' action and words in John's gospel stabbed into me from no place i can imagine. origin-less, these thoughts led me to take another drag on my coke bottle, setting it down on the table in front of me again, and then exitting the chorus.
coming back across the courtyard now, mission accomplished, i was steadily carrying a basin, cradling a bowl and my big brown towel, praying in the dark of night that i wasn't spilling anything. i didn't understand where this had come from.
Jesus, i haven't done this in years. is this really your idea? am i gonna look really vain? i feel like an attention grabber.
10 minutes later, i was on my knees in a room only occupied by myself and three others, dipping my clumsy, lanky white hands into the bowl, and carrying water carefully over to Rose's feet waiting in the basin.
"Maji baridi?"
"Ndiyo."
She hisses. i've just told her that yes, the water will be cold.
"Pole." (Sorry.)
at first the water invokes a recoil on her part, but soon, as Paul reads the story in John 13, from his Swahili Bible, seated next to her, i am lost in the one i am imitating.
first the right foot, then she withdraws it, dried to the touch, and offers her left foot, just as thickened, toughened, and scarred as the first. her brown skin is difficult to gauge concerning it's cleanliness, but i'm thorough anyway. and then finishing up, i wipe it dry with my towel, draped in a bundle over my right shoulder.
she blesses me quietly ("Mungu aku bariki.") as i look up at her when i finish, pulling away the basin and bowl, drying up the floor where Jesus had humbled me. Paul finishes reading, closing the bible, unable to meet my eyes, because his are watering up. not because of what i've done, i'm sure, but because Rose is one of his best friends here, and she's leaving too soon. i hug them both, resting my head on both shoulders in turn, and then just as quietly as i'd begun, i'm done, and take my leave.
suddenly all i want is to be alone with Jesus.
suddenly all i can think about is Jesus, the Son of Man whom i've just imitated and obeyed.
and suddenly i get why i did it.
it had nothing to do with Rose, really. she may or may not remember the mzungu who washed her feet, several months from now, while caring for her sixth child in its infant stages. but i'll remember how captive i suddenly was to Jesus.
and he'll remember what it was like to have, on this rare occassion, my full attention.
PAX.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
doing singleness the wrong way...
flipping shut the novel i checked out of the library here on the base a few days ago, a murder mystery called 'The Poet', i'm nearly to page 100 of the paperback, and the action's starting to kick into high gear, as the protagonist, Jack McEvoy--a homicide reporter at a Denver newspaper--stumbles onto a theory that link's his cop brother's recent suicide with another cop suicide 2000 miles away in Chicago, making it look like a serial killer. he sets his sights on Chicago, D.C., and the FBI HQ on the east coast, aiming to track down this story.
McEvoy's a 35-year-old bachelor who's lived in the same apartment for the past 9 years, working the same reporter beat at the paper.
reading about his life suddenly taking a turn for... (at least) the more interesting and exciting, i found myself strapping on my bag, slipping into my sandals, throwing on my shirt, shrugging sleep off, grabbing my 1.5 liter Kilimanjaro water bottle, with the label ripped off, and heading down the steps from my bunk in the dorm room, toward the bathroom. stop at the sink on the way out, scrub my face with water and wake myself up, then run my fingers through my hair that i'm growing out in a rather mottley fashion, and head out into the open courtyard, feeling invincible.
standing coolly in the shadows, my unkempt brown hair striking strange shadows across the tan bricks and chop-cut grass behind the short bushes, i breathe deeply, and suddenly realize the attitude shift that's come over me.
i suddenly feel like i'm on top of the world. i'm only going to check my email and perhaps blog a bit, really, so why this high? nothing fancy or new about me... just the bag i spent less than 14 bucks on in town, after getting a wad of cash out of the NBC ATM in Arusha. maybe it's because everything went so smoothly, or just because i am dwelling so much in God's goodness to me, that i'm frankly forgetting the key to all of this:
once i get to feeling this good, i'm likely to forget where the source of this joy really is.
i am liable to phase God out of the celebration, right at the kick-off.
i am on the verge of doing singleness the wrong way. where i start to get the hyper-inflated sense of self-worth, and my own ability to get involved and actually influence things. me and my intentionally shabby appearance begin to form an ego to go along with the care-freeness of it all.
i gotta remember--and reclaim--the simple truth of this only working if it's only about Jesus. not about being single.
the latter's great and all, but not if it's not filled in by something much, much better!
it's a daily thing: re-working on that. but it's good. just can't get too caught up with the crazy hair and the deadly hyper-inflation of Asher.
Peace.
Jesus.
Love.
-archer
McEvoy's a 35-year-old bachelor who's lived in the same apartment for the past 9 years, working the same reporter beat at the paper.
reading about his life suddenly taking a turn for... (at least) the more interesting and exciting, i found myself strapping on my bag, slipping into my sandals, throwing on my shirt, shrugging sleep off, grabbing my 1.5 liter Kilimanjaro water bottle, with the label ripped off, and heading down the steps from my bunk in the dorm room, toward the bathroom. stop at the sink on the way out, scrub my face with water and wake myself up, then run my fingers through my hair that i'm growing out in a rather mottley fashion, and head out into the open courtyard, feeling invincible.
standing coolly in the shadows, my unkempt brown hair striking strange shadows across the tan bricks and chop-cut grass behind the short bushes, i breathe deeply, and suddenly realize the attitude shift that's come over me.
i suddenly feel like i'm on top of the world. i'm only going to check my email and perhaps blog a bit, really, so why this high? nothing fancy or new about me... just the bag i spent less than 14 bucks on in town, after getting a wad of cash out of the NBC ATM in Arusha. maybe it's because everything went so smoothly, or just because i am dwelling so much in God's goodness to me, that i'm frankly forgetting the key to all of this:
once i get to feeling this good, i'm likely to forget where the source of this joy really is.
i am liable to phase God out of the celebration, right at the kick-off.
i am on the verge of doing singleness the wrong way. where i start to get the hyper-inflated sense of self-worth, and my own ability to get involved and actually influence things. me and my intentionally shabby appearance begin to form an ego to go along with the care-freeness of it all.
i gotta remember--and reclaim--the simple truth of this only working if it's only about Jesus. not about being single.
the latter's great and all, but not if it's not filled in by something much, much better!
it's a daily thing: re-working on that. but it's good. just can't get too caught up with the crazy hair and the deadly hyper-inflation of Asher.
Peace.
Jesus.
Love.
-archer
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
think for myself
there are two different trains of thought that i find myself bouncing back and forth between here: the willingness to accept everything. and the need to contest everything.
this DTS is teaching me about these two major viewpoints of the world. and everyone fits into one or the other. for the most part.
on the one hand, most of my African brothers and sisters can be taught anything by our speakers at this school, and it becomes their belief, in a heartbeat. that's not always bad, but it's dangerous when several times teachers and speakers here have slipped up and delivered us false information.
which brings me to the next group. all of us westerners here (by far the out-numbered ones, running close to 7:1 on the base) often jump at every chance to complain about anything. it comes from being raised and schooled into thinking that as westerners we're always right. this is also dangerous (though contesting things is not always bad).
it becomes difficult for me, as one westerner (the one who'd at first been so open to complete assimilation with African culture, and is now seemingly the one most anxious to return to the familiar things in life), as i wade between two sharply different outlooks.
i have definitely grown to question a lot of things about human relations, theological truths, applied biblical truths, and crazy jazz like that.
the most interesting thing is learning to think for myself. as a dear friend of mine puts it, i am "the representation of the bandwagon fallacy." (thank you Emily!)
it's what you've got to do, think for yourself, remembering that no other human has any right to direct you, rather you must belong wholly in your own realm with the God you are in love with. God meets everyone on a different level. ergo at the same time as thinking for myself, i've also gotta be looking first at Jesus, and letting him tear into my soul, carving out the junk i don't need and establishing the throne i pledged to him there, at age three.
Jesus: "well, asher, it's about time!"
asher: "yeah, well, ya see... um... i never really realized what i meant! i mean, come on, i was young... yeah, i know that's cliche, but it works, right?"
Jesus: "how old are you now, asher?"
asher: (ashamed, awkward silence)
Jesus: "do you really not trust me with your heart and soul? do you really think you're the better driver? or am i just your 'co-pilot'?"
asher: "uh... Jesus?"
Jesus: "yeah?"
asher: "i haven't taken really good care of myself, already. you sure you wanna drive a junker? i mean, i'm no lamborghini."
Jesus: "have you seen any other lamborghinis on the road?"
asher: "not exactly. only in magazines and billboards and TV and what-not."
Jesus: "yeah. thought so. they're just fakin' it."
asher: "figures."
Jesus: "yeah, they don't let me drive either. they just make it out of their own kit. spit-shine and whatever else makes em look good. but they don't last. if you let me drive, asher, we'll last. you and me. that's all there is too it. no girlfriends. no porn. no beer. no joints. no pride. no gossip. no quarrelling. no disobeying your parents--*"
asher: "wait! what? hey now--"
Jesus: "...just you and me. do you trust me? really? good. open up."
so i guess this makes me wonder if i'm really thinking for myself, as the term would imply, simplistically. but, ah, what the heck... probably better this way, eh?
PAX.
-archer
*(though this is pretty much irrelevant to the blog, Romans 1.18-32 clearly outlines tons of other sins on par with homosexuality. yes, i have an agenda. i don't deny it. but this is simply the truth i wanna show here. but i'll write more about that later...)
this DTS is teaching me about these two major viewpoints of the world. and everyone fits into one or the other. for the most part.
on the one hand, most of my African brothers and sisters can be taught anything by our speakers at this school, and it becomes their belief, in a heartbeat. that's not always bad, but it's dangerous when several times teachers and speakers here have slipped up and delivered us false information.
which brings me to the next group. all of us westerners here (by far the out-numbered ones, running close to 7:1 on the base) often jump at every chance to complain about anything. it comes from being raised and schooled into thinking that as westerners we're always right. this is also dangerous (though contesting things is not always bad).
it becomes difficult for me, as one westerner (the one who'd at first been so open to complete assimilation with African culture, and is now seemingly the one most anxious to return to the familiar things in life), as i wade between two sharply different outlooks.
i have definitely grown to question a lot of things about human relations, theological truths, applied biblical truths, and crazy jazz like that.
the most interesting thing is learning to think for myself. as a dear friend of mine puts it, i am "the representation of the bandwagon fallacy." (thank you Emily!)
it's what you've got to do, think for yourself, remembering that no other human has any right to direct you, rather you must belong wholly in your own realm with the God you are in love with. God meets everyone on a different level. ergo at the same time as thinking for myself, i've also gotta be looking first at Jesus, and letting him tear into my soul, carving out the junk i don't need and establishing the throne i pledged to him there, at age three.
Jesus: "well, asher, it's about time!"
asher: "yeah, well, ya see... um... i never really realized what i meant! i mean, come on, i was young... yeah, i know that's cliche, but it works, right?"
Jesus: "how old are you now, asher?"
asher: (ashamed, awkward silence)
Jesus: "do you really not trust me with your heart and soul? do you really think you're the better driver? or am i just your 'co-pilot'?"
asher: "uh... Jesus?"
Jesus: "yeah?"
asher: "i haven't taken really good care of myself, already. you sure you wanna drive a junker? i mean, i'm no lamborghini."
Jesus: "have you seen any other lamborghinis on the road?"
asher: "not exactly. only in magazines and billboards and TV and what-not."
Jesus: "yeah. thought so. they're just fakin' it."
asher: "figures."
Jesus: "yeah, they don't let me drive either. they just make it out of their own kit. spit-shine and whatever else makes em look good. but they don't last. if you let me drive, asher, we'll last. you and me. that's all there is too it. no girlfriends. no porn. no beer. no joints. no pride. no gossip. no quarrelling. no disobeying your parents--*"
asher: "wait! what? hey now--"
Jesus: "...just you and me. do you trust me? really? good. open up."
so i guess this makes me wonder if i'm really thinking for myself, as the term would imply, simplistically. but, ah, what the heck... probably better this way, eh?
PAX.
-archer
*(though this is pretty much irrelevant to the blog, Romans 1.18-32 clearly outlines tons of other sins on par with homosexuality. yes, i have an agenda. i don't deny it. but this is simply the truth i wanna show here. but i'll write more about that later...)
until next monday...
...i'm feeling much better. the expunging of my systems cleared everything out, as i figured, and after spending an hour and a half, sleeping on the bathroom stall floor, my head resting on my roll of toilet paper, my own body crumpled into itself in muted pain, until 11pm... waking this morning was a blessing!
i feel so much more alive! it's beautiful! God really is good! i strangely found myself softly humming and trying to remember all the words to a good worship song last night, before i laid down on the stall floor. it was interesting, just seeing that despite my near agony, i could be thankful that in literally everything, God's presence never changes!
the weather today is amazing... feels like the first week of summer... the last week of classes. the perfect breeze, the reasonably cool and warm temperatures. the decent cloud cover from time to time. it feels really good. really peaceful!
i'm gonna go back to class now... it's kinda cool that even being in class is starting to fill me with fond memories of high school and that one random year of college (that probably won't be the last of my 'higher education', considering new "revelations" of sorts)...
life is good.
God is good.
Peace to you all, brothers and sisters.
(i have every intention of not eating anything but the bread-and-butter breakfast on sunday... i'm in no mood for a fifth knock-out round!)
PAX.
i feel so much more alive! it's beautiful! God really is good! i strangely found myself softly humming and trying to remember all the words to a good worship song last night, before i laid down on the stall floor. it was interesting, just seeing that despite my near agony, i could be thankful that in literally everything, God's presence never changes!
the weather today is amazing... feels like the first week of summer... the last week of classes. the perfect breeze, the reasonably cool and warm temperatures. the decent cloud cover from time to time. it feels really good. really peaceful!
i'm gonna go back to class now... it's kinda cool that even being in class is starting to fill me with fond memories of high school and that one random year of college (that probably won't be the last of my 'higher education', considering new "revelations" of sorts)...
life is good.
God is good.
Peace to you all, brothers and sisters.
(i have every intention of not eating anything but the bread-and-butter breakfast on sunday... i'm in no mood for a fifth knock-out round!)
PAX.
Monday, December 3, 2007
oh, what's the word...?
there's a word i can't really remember all that well. my first girlfriend, freshman year of high school, used to always call herself this. and it fits me now more than ever before in my life. it means you do something a lot, way more than everyone else, and it's not healthy, and now, as i attempt to find the word on dictionary.com, you shall see (hopefully) how miserable i have become due to this condition.
it seems to happen every monday.
i'm a valetudinarian.
yep, i'm an invalid. chronically sick. frickin sucks.
this is the fourth time since i arrived in Arusha 3 months ago that i've been nauseous. the last three times i was fine after ...um... clearing my system.
sadly this time around that hasn't happened yet. and i've missed the first class session of the week. and i'm going to miss work duty too. for the third time since last monday--i had a fever that day.
between 4 nauseated mornings, a fever or two, chronic weakness that clung for a month as fatigue, and random headaches that cripple most of my human functions, i'm pretty much an invalid. no point in trying to dodge that description, i don't figure. but yeah. can't wait till this passes.
Patrick prayed with me a bit this morning, and i honestly believe i'll be well by the time i wake up tomorrow, if not before. but still.... hanging in limbo like this gets on my nerves.
obviously, i'm not nearly as articulate as i can be in my writings, and that coupled with a general sense of impending doom (and a runny nose left over from last week's fever), i'm pretty much having a crummy day.
it'll get better no doubt, i just wish i could function better. and i wish dinner wasn't going to be ugali and sukuma. but, c'est la vie.
to be quite honest, just writing this with a vaguely comical flare and imagining the reactions to some of my terminology, by a handful of my audience, a new smile rests upon my face.
so, i guess, i almost get to laugh at your misfortune as you read this. (as we say here in East Africa, pronounced "Po-lay", as a sign of feeling bad for someone:) "Pole!"
hey, look at it this way, at least your discomfort only lasts as long as it takes you to read half a page! this is the part wherein i become jealous.
PAX everybody!
(oh, and um... pray that i can ... expunge last night's dinner.)
-archer
it seems to happen every monday.
i'm a valetudinarian.
yep, i'm an invalid. chronically sick. frickin sucks.
this is the fourth time since i arrived in Arusha 3 months ago that i've been nauseous. the last three times i was fine after ...um... clearing my system.
sadly this time around that hasn't happened yet. and i've missed the first class session of the week. and i'm going to miss work duty too. for the third time since last monday--i had a fever that day.
between 4 nauseated mornings, a fever or two, chronic weakness that clung for a month as fatigue, and random headaches that cripple most of my human functions, i'm pretty much an invalid. no point in trying to dodge that description, i don't figure. but yeah. can't wait till this passes.
Patrick prayed with me a bit this morning, and i honestly believe i'll be well by the time i wake up tomorrow, if not before. but still.... hanging in limbo like this gets on my nerves.
obviously, i'm not nearly as articulate as i can be in my writings, and that coupled with a general sense of impending doom (and a runny nose left over from last week's fever), i'm pretty much having a crummy day.
it'll get better no doubt, i just wish i could function better. and i wish dinner wasn't going to be ugali and sukuma. but, c'est la vie.
to be quite honest, just writing this with a vaguely comical flare and imagining the reactions to some of my terminology, by a handful of my audience, a new smile rests upon my face.
so, i guess, i almost get to laugh at your misfortune as you read this. (as we say here in East Africa, pronounced "Po-lay", as a sign of feeling bad for someone:) "Pole!"
hey, look at it this way, at least your discomfort only lasts as long as it takes you to read half a page! this is the part wherein i become jealous.
PAX everybody!
(oh, and um... pray that i can ... expunge last night's dinner.)
-archer
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
when Intra nixes Inter
i can barely begin to write what i would like to write, certain of only one thing:
that i am uncertain how long i will ramble, or exactly what i will mean to say by the last words of this entry. here goes, brothers and sisters.
Intrapersonal is far more challenging for me. as a concept, Intrapersonal is not very appealling to me normally, aside from moments when suddenly romance is the farthest thing from my mind. but lately, after this current resurfacing, and finding yet another window in which to reach in and throttle me while i dream, i am choked by the need to be Intrapersonal.
Interpersonal is out of the question for the time being. i don't really know how exaclty to do such a thing: i shall live these coming weeks, months, perhaps years, seeking only my Jesus and my Adonai and my Spirit. and seeking only myself. only Archer. i have no desire to allow myself to yet again get more-or-less "hitched" to someone. been there. done that. got hurt. hurt her. it sucks.
i need some time as me. i've got a lot of work to do on myself. a lot of effort to pour into the right relationship. i can't keep working on all the wrong ones before their time.
i think i want to be married. but i want to be married to my best friend, not my girlfriend. i want my wife to know me. not just kiss me and hold me. i want my wife to treat me like any other woman i know most of the time. i want a friendship, not just a "relationship." i want truth, not romance. i want genuine love, not puppy love or high school sweethearts. i want a partner in life, someone to work with all my life, not someone i simply come home to every night, who just makes me my meals, cleans my house, and cuddles with me for a movie at night.
i know i want something real. i want someone who aches for justice, and lives in the moment, unaware of the perception others have of her. i want someone who laughs so hard she cries, and cries so hard her head hurts. i want someone very broken, very imperfect, very far from anything i can continue to describe. so i won't even try.
but before i even consider any of these, i need my Jesus and my Adonai and my Spirit.
these i need, and only these. and now i've got my choice. a great deal of mistakes in my past, but there's no pressure on me to win any heart, but to simply return to the heart i never had to win.
pray for me. i've got a long and winding road ahead of me, and i'm really excited for it!
PAX.
-archer
that i am uncertain how long i will ramble, or exactly what i will mean to say by the last words of this entry. here goes, brothers and sisters.
Intrapersonal is far more challenging for me. as a concept, Intrapersonal is not very appealling to me normally, aside from moments when suddenly romance is the farthest thing from my mind. but lately, after this current resurfacing, and finding yet another window in which to reach in and throttle me while i dream, i am choked by the need to be Intrapersonal.
Interpersonal is out of the question for the time being. i don't really know how exaclty to do such a thing: i shall live these coming weeks, months, perhaps years, seeking only my Jesus and my Adonai and my Spirit. and seeking only myself. only Archer. i have no desire to allow myself to yet again get more-or-less "hitched" to someone. been there. done that. got hurt. hurt her. it sucks.
i need some time as me. i've got a lot of work to do on myself. a lot of effort to pour into the right relationship. i can't keep working on all the wrong ones before their time.
i think i want to be married. but i want to be married to my best friend, not my girlfriend. i want my wife to know me. not just kiss me and hold me. i want my wife to treat me like any other woman i know most of the time. i want a friendship, not just a "relationship." i want truth, not romance. i want genuine love, not puppy love or high school sweethearts. i want a partner in life, someone to work with all my life, not someone i simply come home to every night, who just makes me my meals, cleans my house, and cuddles with me for a movie at night.
i know i want something real. i want someone who aches for justice, and lives in the moment, unaware of the perception others have of her. i want someone who laughs so hard she cries, and cries so hard her head hurts. i want someone very broken, very imperfect, very far from anything i can continue to describe. so i won't even try.
but before i even consider any of these, i need my Jesus and my Adonai and my Spirit.
these i need, and only these. and now i've got my choice. a great deal of mistakes in my past, but there's no pressure on me to win any heart, but to simply return to the heart i never had to win.
pray for me. i've got a long and winding road ahead of me, and i'm really excited for it!
PAX.
-archer
Monday, November 26, 2007
for the record...
i was just informed this morning, in an observation from a dear friend who read my most recent blog, the Essay (on Evil and Good). she pointed out that Love and Hate are not opposites, rather she said that any of these words would be better opposed to Love:
apathy
coldness
coolness
deadness
casualness
languidness
indifference
carelessness
lukewarmness
insensibleness
halfheartedness
her very real evidence and reasoning is that if you Hate someone you still actually have a feeling toward them... you care about them in one way or another. you think of them in someway, and the opposite of Love is supposed to be the opposite of the greatest affection, care, concern, noticing, and whatever else. thank you for clearing that up... if i ever get around to writing about more of those topic i listed in the beginning (as i hope to relatively soon), then i will be sure you straighten everything out!
Peace to all in a world devoted to Unrest.
-Archer
apathy
coldness
coolness
deadness
casualness
languidness
indifference
carelessness
lukewarmness
insensibleness
halfheartedness
her very real evidence and reasoning is that if you Hate someone you still actually have a feeling toward them... you care about them in one way or another. you think of them in someway, and the opposite of Love is supposed to be the opposite of the greatest affection, care, concern, noticing, and whatever else. thank you for clearing that up... if i ever get around to writing about more of those topic i listed in the beginning (as i hope to relatively soon), then i will be sure you straighten everything out!
Peace to all in a world devoted to Unrest.
-Archer
Sunday, November 25, 2007
inherently.... which? (or witch?) --An Essay
Good vs. Evil
Joy vs. Suffering
Order vs. Chaos
Enlightenment vs. Endarkenment
Love vs. Hate
Care vs. Indifference
Law vs. Corruption
Which one would you say is more prevalent, of each of these comparisons?
in Lance Morrow's book, Evil: An Investigation, i have come face to face with something i never really wanted to believe or accept. this was perhaps one of my most morbid mistakes i've allowed within my own mind.
i had completely ruled out the possibility that Good was not the Rule of life, that which controls human thought and will. sadly, in this foolishness, i came to think that the world was shot to Hell, because of all the Evil in it at present (which may or may not have increased over the centuries).
looking at this 'Investigation' the Boston University Professor offers us, i find it hard to believe that Evil is not the Rule of life. cast in another light by Jake Pelfrey of the Chicago area, Suffering becomes recognized as the commonplace, with Joy as it's infrequent but always glorious counterpart--the breaking of the Rule.
Joy like a sunflare tears into the darkness created by the original Fall of Man. rather, since i'm not a fan of archaic gender selection, the "Fall of Humanity." ever since that moment--whether or not it's quite physically sound the theological representation of the Fall makes sense enough to me--humans have always been attreacted to their own will and desires. and normally what the human mind can come up with, it can often see as a feasible action. OBVIOUSLY, this is not the case with everything that enters our imagination, for we do not ALL desire absolute Chaos in our lifetime!
but these two writers have shown me the very blunt and dangerously concealable truth that i've been looking at the world in the wrong way. i've seen life and the World's events, both on a microscopic and a mammoth scale to be so devastatingly harsh and unruly, as the very action of breaking the Rule.
however, that thought doesn't stand in light of these recent readings. i find myself so easily contaminated by a hatred of the World's events. i don't think i have a right to complain, since is simply Right that is breaking the Rule. Wrong is left in a ditch to fend for itself as the spears of the righteous (in all facets of life) strike out and tear the darkness.
this revelation forces us to realize how likely it is that the real Evil in the history of the Salem Witch Trials, is the Evil that captivated the minds of those tightening the nooses.
--something just came to mind that should have gently began my conversion to this way of thinking long ago! i just remembered a lyric from the famous U2 song, called "God Part II", where Bono quotes from another famous Christian singer whose name i've forgotten, using the phrase "[i'm] gonna kick the darkness till it bleeds daylight!"
as Pelfrey says in his article on RelevantMagazine.com,
"After reading this I learned that I was looking through foggy eyes of expectation. Instead I should have been looking through the eyes of joy. Suffering should not overwhelm me, but instead I should be staggered by joy when it decides to shine through."
and Morrow points out the problem with conventional archaic views on evil, on page 17,
"Do not bother to demonize people as being inherently evil. That's not how it works. Instead, we should view evil as opportunistic, passing like an electrical through the world and through people; or wandering like an infection that takes up residence in individuals or cultures from time to time."
and again, Morrow addresses the ever-presence of Evil on page 4,
"Without an awareness of evil, people become confused; they fail to anticipate its ruthless possibilities. In the new instantaneous global dimension, it may be catastrophic not to think clearly about evil, not to be aware of what it is capable of doing."
Evil is not necessarily always present and working, but it preys on our already self-centered mind.
i must also say here that there are obvious holes in this outlook, once you look at people who really know God, and really know Jesus. as they begin to look more and more like the Godhead (the Trinity), they begin to have less of themselves and their own will. no person is perfectly free from their own will unless as Paul says in his letter to the Galations, "it is no longer [they] who live, but Christ lives in [them]."(2.20 NLT)
frankly, as far as i see it, this is a person's only way out of the trap where Evil can drift in, as it flows "from place to place along the channels of least resistance." (Morrow, 17) we otherwise become caught up and contaminated by Evil when it comes our way, as it drifts in and out of the minds of humanity. seven billion people on the planet. seems like Evil's got too many doors into this world.
and also, as far as i figure, Jesus is kinda the only way to pure Joy in this world. ergo, from our personal relationships with this Jesus do we encounter his Joy and thus have our own opportunities to share Joy and act in Joy, in Jesus' name.
this all sounds really preachy, i know. but it's the Truth as far as i can tell.
Pelfrey closes his article with this very approapriate subtle prescription for us all, no matter what faith we cling to, and whether or not we know the whole Truth:
"But we also learned that on those days in the dreaded desert, one may find a little flower blooming in the immense heat. Its presence is comforting, and the joy it carries is overpowering."
Amen. May the Peace and Joy of the Lord Jesus Christ dwell in you.
and again i say Amen.
Joy vs. Suffering
Order vs. Chaos
Enlightenment vs. Endarkenment
Love vs. Hate
Care vs. Indifference
Law vs. Corruption
Which one would you say is more prevalent, of each of these comparisons?
in Lance Morrow's book, Evil: An Investigation, i have come face to face with something i never really wanted to believe or accept. this was perhaps one of my most morbid mistakes i've allowed within my own mind.
i had completely ruled out the possibility that Good was not the Rule of life, that which controls human thought and will. sadly, in this foolishness, i came to think that the world was shot to Hell, because of all the Evil in it at present (which may or may not have increased over the centuries).
looking at this 'Investigation' the Boston University Professor offers us, i find it hard to believe that Evil is not the Rule of life. cast in another light by Jake Pelfrey of the Chicago area, Suffering becomes recognized as the commonplace, with Joy as it's infrequent but always glorious counterpart--the breaking of the Rule.
Joy like a sunflare tears into the darkness created by the original Fall of Man. rather, since i'm not a fan of archaic gender selection, the "Fall of Humanity." ever since that moment--whether or not it's quite physically sound the theological representation of the Fall makes sense enough to me--humans have always been attreacted to their own will and desires. and normally what the human mind can come up with, it can often see as a feasible action. OBVIOUSLY, this is not the case with everything that enters our imagination, for we do not ALL desire absolute Chaos in our lifetime!
but these two writers have shown me the very blunt and dangerously concealable truth that i've been looking at the world in the wrong way. i've seen life and the World's events, both on a microscopic and a mammoth scale to be so devastatingly harsh and unruly, as the very action of breaking the Rule.
however, that thought doesn't stand in light of these recent readings. i find myself so easily contaminated by a hatred of the World's events. i don't think i have a right to complain, since is simply Right that is breaking the Rule. Wrong is left in a ditch to fend for itself as the spears of the righteous (in all facets of life) strike out and tear the darkness.
this revelation forces us to realize how likely it is that the real Evil in the history of the Salem Witch Trials, is the Evil that captivated the minds of those tightening the nooses.
--something just came to mind that should have gently began my conversion to this way of thinking long ago! i just remembered a lyric from the famous U2 song, called "God Part II", where Bono quotes from another famous Christian singer whose name i've forgotten, using the phrase "[i'm] gonna kick the darkness till it bleeds daylight!"
as Pelfrey says in his article on RelevantMagazine.com,
"After reading this I learned that I was looking through foggy eyes of expectation. Instead I should have been looking through the eyes of joy. Suffering should not overwhelm me, but instead I should be staggered by joy when it decides to shine through."
and Morrow points out the problem with conventional archaic views on evil, on page 17,
"Do not bother to demonize people as being inherently evil. That's not how it works. Instead, we should view evil as opportunistic, passing like an electrical through the world and through people; or wandering like an infection that takes up residence in individuals or cultures from time to time."
and again, Morrow addresses the ever-presence of Evil on page 4,
"Without an awareness of evil, people become confused; they fail to anticipate its ruthless possibilities. In the new instantaneous global dimension, it may be catastrophic not to think clearly about evil, not to be aware of what it is capable of doing."
Evil is not necessarily always present and working, but it preys on our already self-centered mind.
i must also say here that there are obvious holes in this outlook, once you look at people who really know God, and really know Jesus. as they begin to look more and more like the Godhead (the Trinity), they begin to have less of themselves and their own will. no person is perfectly free from their own will unless as Paul says in his letter to the Galations, "it is no longer [they] who live, but Christ lives in [them]."(2.20 NLT)
frankly, as far as i see it, this is a person's only way out of the trap where Evil can drift in, as it flows "from place to place along the channels of least resistance." (Morrow, 17) we otherwise become caught up and contaminated by Evil when it comes our way, as it drifts in and out of the minds of humanity. seven billion people on the planet. seems like Evil's got too many doors into this world.
and also, as far as i figure, Jesus is kinda the only way to pure Joy in this world. ergo, from our personal relationships with this Jesus do we encounter his Joy and thus have our own opportunities to share Joy and act in Joy, in Jesus' name.
this all sounds really preachy, i know. but it's the Truth as far as i can tell.
Pelfrey closes his article with this very approapriate subtle prescription for us all, no matter what faith we cling to, and whether or not we know the whole Truth:
"But we also learned that on those days in the dreaded desert, one may find a little flower blooming in the immense heat. Its presence is comforting, and the joy it carries is overpowering."
Amen. May the Peace and Joy of the Lord Jesus Christ dwell in you.
and again i say Amen.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
what i am coming to learn, and coming to love.
please read this article.
i am relatively unacquainted with the truth of suffering, of hopelessness.
i am a poor missionary student.
no stable bank account state-side.
the poorest of the westerners in this YWAM DTS in Arusha, Tanzania.
the one who's broken two hearts in one fell swoop--mine among the two.
the one who's defied everything about my old culture.
the one who can barely afford to be using this computer.
the one who can barely afford to call home.
the brother and son missing his family.
the brother missing his brother.
the brother missing his sister.
the brother missing his dog.
the one who cries the most.
the one who has mood swings.
the one who hurts most among the team of students.
the one who has just recently encountered personal hopelessness, and barely survived it.
the one aching for ancient voices, both human and otherwise.
the one who is at peace.
the one who writes too much, reads too much, thinks too much.
...but is still held and loved by God.
just read this article.
if you think you know suffering, this'll step on your toes, laugh at your ideas, and then lovingly give you a better idea of how to live, and how to look at life.
Amen.
Peace.
Love.
Joy.
Suffering.
to You.
Amen.
i am relatively unacquainted with the truth of suffering, of hopelessness.
i am a poor missionary student.
no stable bank account state-side.
the poorest of the westerners in this YWAM DTS in Arusha, Tanzania.
the one who's broken two hearts in one fell swoop--mine among the two.
the one who's defied everything about my old culture.
the one who can barely afford to be using this computer.
the one who can barely afford to call home.
the brother and son missing his family.
the brother missing his brother.
the brother missing his sister.
the brother missing his dog.
the one who cries the most.
the one who has mood swings.
the one who hurts most among the team of students.
the one who has just recently encountered personal hopelessness, and barely survived it.
the one aching for ancient voices, both human and otherwise.
the one who is at peace.
the one who writes too much, reads too much, thinks too much.
...but is still held and loved by God.
just read this article.
if you think you know suffering, this'll step on your toes, laugh at your ideas, and then lovingly give you a better idea of how to live, and how to look at life.
Amen.
Peace.
Love.
Joy.
Suffering.
to You.
Amen.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Church ..part two..
"Jesus said to the people who believed in him, "'you are truly my disciples if you remain faithful to my teachings. and you will know the thruth, and the truth will set you free... So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free.'"
-John 8.31-32,36
all truth we ever learn is meant to point us toward the Son who truly craves a relationship with us. but, as Taylor pointed out, we are given the freedom to choose to live in freedom. or we can stick to our old ways. as many of Jesus' disciples deserted him in John 6.60-71, he humbly asked the 12, "are you also going to leave?" (v.67)
i can picture that revolutionary leader, already pushed into the ground by the religious leaders of the time, living his whole life both solely AS truth, and FOR truth. and when people refuse truth, whether given proof or no, it can destroy the good messenger. with sadness weighing on him, Jesus turned from the crowd to his twelve closest brothers, looking each of them in the eyes for a moment as he annunciated those pain-surged words. possibly on the verge of tears, he slows down his speech, letting each syllable bring his gaze to another apostle in the small huddle. the wind on the hillside is forced to the background of all thought for the apostles. the sun burning on their faces and the sand beneath their toes, uncomfortably shifting on the pads of their sandals--all sensation is forgotten and lost unto them. their leader, their beloved hero, the only person they have any real stock in... has just challenged them. perhaps, the apostles might think, if this is the messiah, doesn't he already know what i'm going to do? either way, they realize they definitely have the choice now. hard teachings will come a hundredfold by the time Jesus reaches Golgotha. this is one of the moments they can leave him and blend with the crowd.
given the choice, every time i face a hard teaching, it takes me weeks, often, to face up to what Jesus' words and example will mean for me. and these hard teachings will come a hundredfold by the time i reach Sheol. ever moment is one of those moments when i can leave him and slip into the massive deserting crowd. it's just too easy.
but with those eyes on the verge of tears, i already know i've got to stick by my master, my Father, the one who's invested so much in me. ignoring the sun, the wind, the sand... i've got to cross the line onto the other side. a daily Alamo challenge.
i think the whole Church faces it. there's not much we can do if we really know who we're hurting by saying no. if we really know who we're loving and pleasing by saying yes.
as each of the twelve cross the invisible line and move closer to their Rabbi--their Lord--they watch the tears in his eyes fade. a stray tear slides silently down his cheek. not one of the apostles blames him for it. greeted with a warm embrace, one by one, in the gathering dusk, this weak-seeming gesture is turned on its head and used in the most profound way it's ever been used troughout the course of all eternal history. in fact, they likely think, this is why i love him more--because he shows us how much he loves us. and this reciprocal love before the twelve sinners even have an inkling of the cross to come.
we know about the overabundance of love and sacrifice because the cross has already come. the Church needs to understand who she's betrothed to. we need to be faithful. to every word of teaching. to every gesture of acceptance. to every example of truth. to every ounce of real love.
Peace be with us all. in Jesus' name.
-John 8.31-32,36
all truth we ever learn is meant to point us toward the Son who truly craves a relationship with us. but, as Taylor pointed out, we are given the freedom to choose to live in freedom. or we can stick to our old ways. as many of Jesus' disciples deserted him in John 6.60-71, he humbly asked the 12, "are you also going to leave?" (v.67)
i can picture that revolutionary leader, already pushed into the ground by the religious leaders of the time, living his whole life both solely AS truth, and FOR truth. and when people refuse truth, whether given proof or no, it can destroy the good messenger. with sadness weighing on him, Jesus turned from the crowd to his twelve closest brothers, looking each of them in the eyes for a moment as he annunciated those pain-surged words. possibly on the verge of tears, he slows down his speech, letting each syllable bring his gaze to another apostle in the small huddle. the wind on the hillside is forced to the background of all thought for the apostles. the sun burning on their faces and the sand beneath their toes, uncomfortably shifting on the pads of their sandals--all sensation is forgotten and lost unto them. their leader, their beloved hero, the only person they have any real stock in... has just challenged them. perhaps, the apostles might think, if this is the messiah, doesn't he already know what i'm going to do? either way, they realize they definitely have the choice now. hard teachings will come a hundredfold by the time Jesus reaches Golgotha. this is one of the moments they can leave him and blend with the crowd.
given the choice, every time i face a hard teaching, it takes me weeks, often, to face up to what Jesus' words and example will mean for me. and these hard teachings will come a hundredfold by the time i reach Sheol. ever moment is one of those moments when i can leave him and slip into the massive deserting crowd. it's just too easy.
but with those eyes on the verge of tears, i already know i've got to stick by my master, my Father, the one who's invested so much in me. ignoring the sun, the wind, the sand... i've got to cross the line onto the other side. a daily Alamo challenge.
i think the whole Church faces it. there's not much we can do if we really know who we're hurting by saying no. if we really know who we're loving and pleasing by saying yes.
as each of the twelve cross the invisible line and move closer to their Rabbi--their Lord--they watch the tears in his eyes fade. a stray tear slides silently down his cheek. not one of the apostles blames him for it. greeted with a warm embrace, one by one, in the gathering dusk, this weak-seeming gesture is turned on its head and used in the most profound way it's ever been used troughout the course of all eternal history. in fact, they likely think, this is why i love him more--because he shows us how much he loves us. and this reciprocal love before the twelve sinners even have an inkling of the cross to come.
we know about the overabundance of love and sacrifice because the cross has already come. the Church needs to understand who she's betrothed to. we need to be faithful. to every word of teaching. to every gesture of acceptance. to every example of truth. to every ounce of real love.
Peace be with us all. in Jesus' name.
Church
"in relation to the Kingdom of God--what about the Church? firstly, she's not to draw attention to herself. as soon as she does so, she's lost the power and authority given her."
-Tony Taylor, of England (our speaker for the week, here at the DTS).
it's a grave reminder to me personally, as i begin an endeavor to write a critique on the Church's most "popular" problems she's facing today. perhaps common is a better word. but i'm sure that the former will actually shed more light on it, in some ways.
sadly, i'm walking a very tight rope in writing this little essay, since i am in danger of drawing attention not only to the Church, but also to myself. as much as i hope my [comparatively incredibly uneducated] words are taken seriously, respected and understoof... the last thing i want is the attention of others in the Church.
just as Marx and Engel became almost as famous as their Manifesto, and Luther as famous as his Theses (to the point where frankly all i know about the Theses is that it stood against indulgences, and i know much more about Luther himself).
it worries me that theologians generally have big names. Dr. King calls it the "Drum-Major Instinct". and i am not at all calling out any theologians for striving to be as famous as their theology. but it is interesting to me that they seem like they are not disappearing like Bobby Fisher. but then again, that generated more publicity than his known achievements.
so i guess it's not so purely an example of Dr. King's fear--though there are examples such as Bishop Spong--rather i believe it is a symptom of a leader-starved world. we're so lacking in strong leaders, as the world has nearly every generation since the Judges began to rule Israel. so, of course nearly anyone we can set our eyes on who knows what they're talking about, we nearly canonize them.
frankly, i've nearly done that very same thing to Tony Taylor as he's been teaching. it's so apparent that God's been speaking through him. and in realizing that we get blinded by the truth that is in front of us, and we stop there, we find an unsettling amount of admiration within ourselves toward the creation and not the Creator. we fail to move on, following in the direction the truth is leading us...
-Tony Taylor, of England (our speaker for the week, here at the DTS).
it's a grave reminder to me personally, as i begin an endeavor to write a critique on the Church's most "popular" problems she's facing today. perhaps common is a better word. but i'm sure that the former will actually shed more light on it, in some ways.
sadly, i'm walking a very tight rope in writing this little essay, since i am in danger of drawing attention not only to the Church, but also to myself. as much as i hope my [comparatively incredibly uneducated] words are taken seriously, respected and understoof... the last thing i want is the attention of others in the Church.
just as Marx and Engel became almost as famous as their Manifesto, and Luther as famous as his Theses (to the point where frankly all i know about the Theses is that it stood against indulgences, and i know much more about Luther himself).
it worries me that theologians generally have big names. Dr. King calls it the "Drum-Major Instinct". and i am not at all calling out any theologians for striving to be as famous as their theology. but it is interesting to me that they seem like they are not disappearing like Bobby Fisher. but then again, that generated more publicity than his known achievements.
so i guess it's not so purely an example of Dr. King's fear--though there are examples such as Bishop Spong--rather i believe it is a symptom of a leader-starved world. we're so lacking in strong leaders, as the world has nearly every generation since the Judges began to rule Israel. so, of course nearly anyone we can set our eyes on who knows what they're talking about, we nearly canonize them.
frankly, i've nearly done that very same thing to Tony Taylor as he's been teaching. it's so apparent that God's been speaking through him. and in realizing that we get blinded by the truth that is in front of us, and we stop there, we find an unsettling amount of admiration within ourselves toward the creation and not the Creator. we fail to move on, following in the direction the truth is leading us...
Monday, November 19, 2007
like father, like son, eh?
I just found this fun little quiz on my dad's blog(nowandnotyet.net), and not surprisingly, i'm quite similar to his. i am, however, quite surprised to find that i even have "fundamentalism" anywhere but the very basement... bummer.
even so, from what i understand of the rest of it, it all kinda makes sense!
try it out on your own, and if you feel like it, compare mine with my dad's!
What's your theological worldview?
You scored as a Emergent/Postmodern
You are Emergent/Postmodern in your theology. You feel alienated from older forms of church, you don't think they connect to modern culture very well. No one knows the whole truth about God, and we have much to learn from each other, and so learning takes place in dialogue. Evangelism should take place in relationships rather than through crusades and altar-calls. People are interested in spirituality and want to ask questions, so the church should help them to do this.
Emergent/Postmodern 86%
Neo orthodox 75%
Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan 57%
Classical Liberal 54%
Roman Catholic 36%
Charismatic/Pentecostal 36%
Modern Liberal 36%
Fundamentalist 21%
Reformed Evangelical 18%
PAX.
-archer
p.s. my folks want a picture of me here in Arusha, so here's one i've just gotten up on my facebook as well. so far it's the most recent one i've got on any computer. sorry it's from so far away! my friend Jordan took it with a sweet digital camera he's got (so you can probably zoom if you save it) as we began our first week of outreach.
even so, from what i understand of the rest of it, it all kinda makes sense!
try it out on your own, and if you feel like it, compare mine with my dad's!
What's your theological worldview?
You scored as a Emergent/Postmodern
You are Emergent/Postmodern in your theology. You feel alienated from older forms of church, you don't think they connect to modern culture very well. No one knows the whole truth about God, and we have much to learn from each other, and so learning takes place in dialogue. Evangelism should take place in relationships rather than through crusades and altar-calls. People are interested in spirituality and want to ask questions, so the church should help them to do this.
Emergent/Postmodern 86%
Neo orthodox 75%
Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan 57%
Classical Liberal 54%
Roman Catholic 36%
Charismatic/Pentecostal 36%
Modern Liberal 36%
Fundamentalist 21%
Reformed Evangelical 18%
PAX.
-archer
p.s. my folks want a picture of me here in Arusha, so here's one i've just gotten up on my facebook as well. so far it's the most recent one i've got on any computer. sorry it's from so far away! my friend Jordan took it with a sweet digital camera he's got (so you can probably zoom if you save it) as we began our first week of outreach.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
good to go home. (remix: dated Nov. 18)
it's probably not too healthy to be thinking about it so early, but i'm going to be really glad to go back to Indiana, and to visit Cleveland and Kentucky again.
to some degree, there's the hazard of this causing me to be so lax and irresponsible here, thinking so far ahead--2 and a half months. but on the other hand, isn't it also incredibly responsible to be planning ahead for the coming journey upon my arrival.
no sojourn under God's eyes ever reaches the finish line until the sojourner is looking into the eyes of God.
i can't ignore that my work was never finished when i left. and i can't ignore the fact that i will be picking up where i left off with a lot of my political and social activism.
as far as i can tell, Lafayette isn't exactly Chicago or Seattle or New York, or even Cleveland. but that certainly doesn't draw it up short of people who care about justice--at home, and globally.
there are great men and women i am looking forward to working with, in various ministries. i also have hopes to travel back to my roots in Europe and spend six months there. i may have to spend up to a year working at Barnes & Noble in Lafayette before i get such a chance. but i feel that that is where God is leading me. i don't know really any of the details, or exactly where i'll go. but i genuinely feel that it must be God calling me into it. it seems so illogical otherwise. it doesn't fit with any of my previous plans and thoughts concerning Africa. always wanted to go back and visit Amsterdam for a bit, but nothing quite like this.
frankly, as much as i've try to "know God (and make God known"- as is YWAM's motto) here in Arusha, it's been really difficult, since i've had to deal with so much legalism and religiosity, inside and outside of my DTS. thus it's been too hard for me to really meet God and get to know him as my Father as he's been able to barely reveal to me, amidst all the stifling structure.
in other news, i've been really struggling with the leadership here. not all, but several by name, and sometimes sadly the whole entity of YWAM Arusha seems to be to blame-- for those of you reading this entry after Nov. 18, 2007, you'll have missed a very explosive section containing angry journal entries from last week. due to my father's wisdom and frankly a sense that i needed to remove it (just like Hayley Williams' second thoughts on some of her lyrics in the amazing song, "Misery Business"; just read about that in an old issue of Relevant magazine) my anger was justified as far as i can tell, it's taught me a lot about myself and the way i see things, and for now, i'm getting past the feelings of anger that i can do little or nothing about. i'm definitely learning what it means to stick to what i know, and who i am, as i'm under fire. the entries were removed because they contained names i hadn't bothered changing, and to someone on the outside, it could seem as though i hated them. i definitely do not. my anger has passed, but the lesson remains, and again i'm working at seeking the best out of this DTS. after the following dashes, the remixed version is complete. PAX--
again: your will be done, Father.
-archer
to some degree, there's the hazard of this causing me to be so lax and irresponsible here, thinking so far ahead--2 and a half months. but on the other hand, isn't it also incredibly responsible to be planning ahead for the coming journey upon my arrival.
no sojourn under God's eyes ever reaches the finish line until the sojourner is looking into the eyes of God.
i can't ignore that my work was never finished when i left. and i can't ignore the fact that i will be picking up where i left off with a lot of my political and social activism.
as far as i can tell, Lafayette isn't exactly Chicago or Seattle or New York, or even Cleveland. but that certainly doesn't draw it up short of people who care about justice--at home, and globally.
there are great men and women i am looking forward to working with, in various ministries. i also have hopes to travel back to my roots in Europe and spend six months there. i may have to spend up to a year working at Barnes & Noble in Lafayette before i get such a chance. but i feel that that is where God is leading me. i don't know really any of the details, or exactly where i'll go. but i genuinely feel that it must be God calling me into it. it seems so illogical otherwise. it doesn't fit with any of my previous plans and thoughts concerning Africa. always wanted to go back and visit Amsterdam for a bit, but nothing quite like this.
frankly, as much as i've try to "know God (and make God known"- as is YWAM's motto) here in Arusha, it's been really difficult, since i've had to deal with so much legalism and religiosity, inside and outside of my DTS. thus it's been too hard for me to really meet God and get to know him as my Father as he's been able to barely reveal to me, amidst all the stifling structure.
in other news, i've been really struggling with the leadership here. not all, but several by name, and sometimes sadly the whole entity of YWAM Arusha seems to be to blame-- for those of you reading this entry after Nov. 18, 2007, you'll have missed a very explosive section containing angry journal entries from last week. due to my father's wisdom and frankly a sense that i needed to remove it (just like Hayley Williams' second thoughts on some of her lyrics in the amazing song, "Misery Business"; just read about that in an old issue of Relevant magazine) my anger was justified as far as i can tell, it's taught me a lot about myself and the way i see things, and for now, i'm getting past the feelings of anger that i can do little or nothing about. i'm definitely learning what it means to stick to what i know, and who i am, as i'm under fire. the entries were removed because they contained names i hadn't bothered changing, and to someone on the outside, it could seem as though i hated them. i definitely do not. my anger has passed, but the lesson remains, and again i'm working at seeking the best out of this DTS. after the following dashes, the remixed version is complete. PAX--
again: your will be done, Father.
-archer
Friday, November 9, 2007
Eliska Dali
i know so little about her. but i had the chance to get to know her better a little over a year ago.
i met her on October 5, 2006, and never got to see her, or anyone else i met that day, ever again.
**that's her in the front early in 2006, protesting Alito, and the woman behind her is her counterpart. she doesn't seem to like being "safely distant" from her challenges.**
my brother, Micah, and i were at Willard Park in downtown Cleveland, with my friend from college, Bri. there were about 400 other people there throughout the morning and afternoon.
i was skipping a math class, Micah was skipping the whole day of high school sophomore classes, and Bri was skipping... God only knows what. that was sorta her thing last year. skipping classes, chilling with me (for the first part of the fall semester, until the lure of the Gamers' Guild dragged her away from me on most days :) ) during her lunch break and when she was supposed to be in class. oh no, wait, that day she didn't need to skip. October 5 was a thursday, and she only had classes on mondays and wednesdays. she'd come up to the school by bus just to join me on another couple of bus rides into the fringes of northern downtown Cleveland.
to march against the Bush Regime.
and that was where we met Eliska Dali. we had no idea she was one of the organizers and leaders of the protest and march, but since Bri and Micah (who'd come up with a friend of his, a kid on the school newspaper staff or something like that, to do a story) and i were clueless of how to get involved, we found Eliska early on. i think she was smoking. almost everyone there was. i probably stuck out like a sore thumb. maybe that's why she and Ray, another leader, came over to talk to us and hand out literature.
i was beginning to be really thankful i'd brought my satchel when i had found the need to put several newspapers from the U.S. Communist party in there to disperse back at school later. after handing us flyers and stuff for ourselves, we were invited to go to the heart of downtown: Public Square. we went there at lunch break on a thursday afternoon, and handed flyers to people in suits and ties, blazers and enough rolex merchandise to feed the city for the day. we also handed them to those who maybe weren't able to have lunch for the day. and of course in Cleveland, due to the oppression of poverty and the inadequte city systems, most of the latter were black. most of the former were, of course, white. and most of the former wouldn't even touch the papers.
and then you had the people who would grunt and walk off when they saw you. to be honest, we were a motly crew. Micah and i had really long hair at the time, we both had fingerless gloves. and not one of the three guys in that spot (Bri was the rebel, as usual, and was the only girl) hadn't shaved in God knows how long.
during the march, Micah was back somewheres in the middle, Bri and i were at the front, helping control the large blue banner amidst the terrifying gusts of autumn Cleveland wind. at one point Ray put the microphone to my lips as i held the banner in one hand, thrusting my other fist into the air with each beat of the chant we were all screaming.
those same men and women with the rolexes and clean-shaven faces watched from windows several stories away as i lost my voice, raising the morale of the 400 or so protestors, disturbing downtown rush-hour traffic.
it was a good day though. a pacifist organization called Food Not Bombs fed us at the end of the march, around 5.30 or 6ish. Bri lit up again. Eliska stood and talked with the three of us, as we finished our soup in styrofoam cups with plastic spoons that three other people had likely already used.
and then we headed out from there, and i parted ways with Eliska Dali and Ray. however, i maintined phone communique with both of them for several weeks afterwards, until the protest mentality in me died off, and my activism was geared once more FOR Africa, and no longer to heavily AGAINST Bush.
***
but recent events here at the base have brought that protest mentality back to mind. and Eliska's name naturally popped back into my head. i haven't learned anything of her fate ever after that day, but googling her name today revealed several interesting stories of her activism in the beginning of 2006.
i wonder where she is now. i wonder who she'll vote for next year. i wonder about too many things...
Love and Peace or Else, brothers and sisters.
i met her on October 5, 2006, and never got to see her, or anyone else i met that day, ever again.
**that's her in the front early in 2006, protesting Alito, and the woman behind her is her counterpart. she doesn't seem to like being "safely distant" from her challenges.**my brother, Micah, and i were at Willard Park in downtown Cleveland, with my friend from college, Bri. there were about 400 other people there throughout the morning and afternoon.
i was skipping a math class, Micah was skipping the whole day of high school sophomore classes, and Bri was skipping... God only knows what. that was sorta her thing last year. skipping classes, chilling with me (for the first part of the fall semester, until the lure of the Gamers' Guild dragged her away from me on most days :) ) during her lunch break and when she was supposed to be in class. oh no, wait, that day she didn't need to skip. October 5 was a thursday, and she only had classes on mondays and wednesdays. she'd come up to the school by bus just to join me on another couple of bus rides into the fringes of northern downtown Cleveland.
to march against the Bush Regime.
and that was where we met Eliska Dali. we had no idea she was one of the organizers and leaders of the protest and march, but since Bri and Micah (who'd come up with a friend of his, a kid on the school newspaper staff or something like that, to do a story) and i were clueless of how to get involved, we found Eliska early on. i think she was smoking. almost everyone there was. i probably stuck out like a sore thumb. maybe that's why she and Ray, another leader, came over to talk to us and hand out literature.
i was beginning to be really thankful i'd brought my satchel when i had found the need to put several newspapers from the U.S. Communist party in there to disperse back at school later. after handing us flyers and stuff for ourselves, we were invited to go to the heart of downtown: Public Square. we went there at lunch break on a thursday afternoon, and handed flyers to people in suits and ties, blazers and enough rolex merchandise to feed the city for the day. we also handed them to those who maybe weren't able to have lunch for the day. and of course in Cleveland, due to the oppression of poverty and the inadequte city systems, most of the latter were black. most of the former were, of course, white. and most of the former wouldn't even touch the papers.
and then you had the people who would grunt and walk off when they saw you. to be honest, we were a motly crew. Micah and i had really long hair at the time, we both had fingerless gloves. and not one of the three guys in that spot (Bri was the rebel, as usual, and was the only girl) hadn't shaved in God knows how long.
during the march, Micah was back somewheres in the middle, Bri and i were at the front, helping control the large blue banner amidst the terrifying gusts of autumn Cleveland wind. at one point Ray put the microphone to my lips as i held the banner in one hand, thrusting my other fist into the air with each beat of the chant we were all screaming.
those same men and women with the rolexes and clean-shaven faces watched from windows several stories away as i lost my voice, raising the morale of the 400 or so protestors, disturbing downtown rush-hour traffic.
it was a good day though. a pacifist organization called Food Not Bombs fed us at the end of the march, around 5.30 or 6ish. Bri lit up again. Eliska stood and talked with the three of us, as we finished our soup in styrofoam cups with plastic spoons that three other people had likely already used.
and then we headed out from there, and i parted ways with Eliska Dali and Ray. however, i maintined phone communique with both of them for several weeks afterwards, until the protest mentality in me died off, and my activism was geared once more FOR Africa, and no longer to heavily AGAINST Bush.
***
but recent events here at the base have brought that protest mentality back to mind. and Eliska's name naturally popped back into my head. i haven't learned anything of her fate ever after that day, but googling her name today revealed several interesting stories of her activism in the beginning of 2006.
i wonder where she is now. i wonder who she'll vote for next year. i wonder about too many things...
Love and Peace or Else, brothers and sisters.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Christian Communist?
so, over the past few weeks or so, my brain, heart, and relationship with Jesus have been taken along a strange internal ride triggered by watching the film, 'Les Miserables' with my DTS class one night, as part of the topic "Sin, forgiveness, and repentance".
i've gone through several trying stages in what seems to be quite a difficult road to discovering exactly what my idealogy is. iroically two days after this internal struggle began, and i was almost completely sure of who i am now and who i'll be in 10 years, God, in prayer, came crashing down on everything i thought i'd figured out about myself.
i was upset and depressed for several hours that afternoon. i slept for about 20 minutes before our work duty began, and when i woke i was already feeling better. i'd gone and opened the emergency letter i had in a stack of letters Krissi had sent me before the trip, all meant to be opened at specific times throughout my stay, and several months into my time back in the states. inside had been a poem (maybe she wrote it, i'm not sure) about catching a falling star, a drawing of a falling star, and a little painted blue seven-pointed star. that star was then placed on my necklace and i wore it as i rose from my sleep and headed off into what was, to me, already a new day.
during work duty it rained. not hard, but for a long time. it was the first rain of it's kind since we'd arrived. and only the third time precipitation had fallen in Arusha since September 9th, to my knowledge.
it was a day of rebirth in so many ways.
i was humbled. and i was uplifted.
i was crumbled. and i was repaired.
i was cursed. yet i was blessed.
though i know now who my identity rests in, i am still struggling with everything concerning things like Liberation Theology, Communist idealogy, activism, revolution, and themes and topics like that.
i searched on Google for the words "Christian Communist" this afternoon.
there's a whole page on it in Wikipedia. i read over much of it while i should have been eating lunch (can't wait for dinner!)
as most of you, who know me as an impassioned over-dramatic wanna-be revolutionary, have probably guessed that yes, it seems to fit me quite well. i'm yet to read the infamous Manifesto, but i'f found a copy of it here at the library, so i'm planning on getting through it relatively soon. and perhaps then, the final verdict will come. go ahead and read the article if you get the chance:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_communism
for the record, i will not stand for violence without warrant. frankly
Just War
as a concept is so entirely unfamiliar to me at this point that i need to do a lot of research. i've learned a lot about resistance, when and where it's just, by reading parts of
Lex Rex
and comparing it with Biblical references.
still working out the kinks.
pray for me, and feel free to suggest.
i also ask that you please don't condemn me because i mention the likelihood of being in line with parts of communism. i am simply working through an understanding of certain things i know i have a passion for. one of the greatest among these is
justice.
in that vain, i am attempting to build a foundation for the likelihood that God may still use me in many politically active ways.
after all, our God is a God of Justice. i think we ought to emulate that.
read Psalm 82. i just discovered it about a week ago, and it's really helped me understand the truth that no matter which way i do it, i have to seek justice.
PAX.
Mungu a bariki. (God bless you.)
-Archer
i've gone through several trying stages in what seems to be quite a difficult road to discovering exactly what my idealogy is. iroically two days after this internal struggle began, and i was almost completely sure of who i am now and who i'll be in 10 years, God, in prayer, came crashing down on everything i thought i'd figured out about myself.
i was upset and depressed for several hours that afternoon. i slept for about 20 minutes before our work duty began, and when i woke i was already feeling better. i'd gone and opened the emergency letter i had in a stack of letters Krissi had sent me before the trip, all meant to be opened at specific times throughout my stay, and several months into my time back in the states. inside had been a poem (maybe she wrote it, i'm not sure) about catching a falling star, a drawing of a falling star, and a little painted blue seven-pointed star. that star was then placed on my necklace and i wore it as i rose from my sleep and headed off into what was, to me, already a new day.
during work duty it rained. not hard, but for a long time. it was the first rain of it's kind since we'd arrived. and only the third time precipitation had fallen in Arusha since September 9th, to my knowledge.
it was a day of rebirth in so many ways.
i was humbled. and i was uplifted.
i was crumbled. and i was repaired.
i was cursed. yet i was blessed.
though i know now who my identity rests in, i am still struggling with everything concerning things like Liberation Theology, Communist idealogy, activism, revolution, and themes and topics like that.
i searched on Google for the words "Christian Communist" this afternoon.
there's a whole page on it in Wikipedia. i read over much of it while i should have been eating lunch (can't wait for dinner!)
as most of you, who know me as an impassioned over-dramatic wanna-be revolutionary, have probably guessed that yes, it seems to fit me quite well. i'm yet to read the infamous Manifesto, but i'f found a copy of it here at the library, so i'm planning on getting through it relatively soon. and perhaps then, the final verdict will come. go ahead and read the article if you get the chance:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_communism
for the record, i will not stand for violence without warrant. frankly
Just War
as a concept is so entirely unfamiliar to me at this point that i need to do a lot of research. i've learned a lot about resistance, when and where it's just, by reading parts of
Lex Rex
and comparing it with Biblical references.
still working out the kinks.
pray for me, and feel free to suggest.
i also ask that you please don't condemn me because i mention the likelihood of being in line with parts of communism. i am simply working through an understanding of certain things i know i have a passion for. one of the greatest among these is
justice.
in that vain, i am attempting to build a foundation for the likelihood that God may still use me in many politically active ways.
after all, our God is a God of Justice. i think we ought to emulate that.
read Psalm 82. i just discovered it about a week ago, and it's really helped me understand the truth that no matter which way i do it, i have to seek justice.
PAX.
Mungu a bariki. (God bless you.)
-Archer
Sunday, October 14, 2007
they say...
they say that when the last thing in the world you want to do is write, that is exactly what you have to do.
frankly, i'm so tired and bored, and completely out of pace with deep thoughts at the moment, and my fingers are in no mood to contribute to society that the only thing i can think of is the fact that i've hurt people recently, and i'm going to do it again.
there's really no way to avoid it.
i am called to discipleship, and it is a very costly thing. my old life has passed and though great memories remain, i know that when i finally do return to the states, nothing will ever be the same.
my hand is at the plow, i cannot look back.
God is calling me to rise up and give what i must to the simple phrase, "follow me."
and in so doing, or attempting to do, i've greatly hurt a number of people. some have voiced this hurt, while others leave it to be read between the lines of their words to me.
frankly, i know my apology can't cover the pain that certain people will feel because of this. for that reason, i simply seek forgiveness, scattering the seeds across the earth, some falling on good soil, ready to accept my apology, others falling on the cold, hard pavement. pavement so unforgiving i'd crack my skull were i to trip onto it.
the best i can offer is that i am mostly happy where i'm at now. God has opened up so many doors for me, of various kinds, and he's challenging me to walk worthy of his calling. worthy of him.
so i take the first steps out in faith and hope he gives me a new step before my foot slips through and causes me to fall a long way down. but he's always provided that foothold in the past, and i believe in it now more than i ever did before Africa.
here, i realize what true faith is. what true love is. what true patience is. what true learning is.
and in almost everything i've been unprepared. c'est la vie.
but that's the training of it. the beauty of it.
"consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverence. perseverence must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." -James 1.2-3
please forgive me, my dear dear brothers and sisters. some of you may find it very easy to continue through life's journey with me even now that i'm undergoing change. while probably many more of you will not be able to accept my changes.
i'm at the point where i am leaving myself back in Indiana and Ohio, and Kentucky, and coming here, willing to be re-born, willing to run the gauntlet, so that i may simply be seen as His. it's all i've got. and i'm glad of it. in my weaknesses, He will be strongly seen. in my failures, achievements beyond human capability will be witnessed.
and perhaps, as i believe he has revealed to me, Bibles will get into the hands of those who desire one. whether conventionally or unconventionally.
i pray you understand. i thank those of you who do, and i can't explain it more to those who don't. this is just what has come to pass.
i have heard the call, and now i must answer.
Amen.
Salaams, brothers and sisters.
frankly, i'm so tired and bored, and completely out of pace with deep thoughts at the moment, and my fingers are in no mood to contribute to society that the only thing i can think of is the fact that i've hurt people recently, and i'm going to do it again.
there's really no way to avoid it.
i am called to discipleship, and it is a very costly thing. my old life has passed and though great memories remain, i know that when i finally do return to the states, nothing will ever be the same.
my hand is at the plow, i cannot look back.
God is calling me to rise up and give what i must to the simple phrase, "follow me."
and in so doing, or attempting to do, i've greatly hurt a number of people. some have voiced this hurt, while others leave it to be read between the lines of their words to me.
frankly, i know my apology can't cover the pain that certain people will feel because of this. for that reason, i simply seek forgiveness, scattering the seeds across the earth, some falling on good soil, ready to accept my apology, others falling on the cold, hard pavement. pavement so unforgiving i'd crack my skull were i to trip onto it.
the best i can offer is that i am mostly happy where i'm at now. God has opened up so many doors for me, of various kinds, and he's challenging me to walk worthy of his calling. worthy of him.
so i take the first steps out in faith and hope he gives me a new step before my foot slips through and causes me to fall a long way down. but he's always provided that foothold in the past, and i believe in it now more than i ever did before Africa.
here, i realize what true faith is. what true love is. what true patience is. what true learning is.
and in almost everything i've been unprepared. c'est la vie.
but that's the training of it. the beauty of it.
"consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverence. perseverence must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." -James 1.2-3
please forgive me, my dear dear brothers and sisters. some of you may find it very easy to continue through life's journey with me even now that i'm undergoing change. while probably many more of you will not be able to accept my changes.
i'm at the point where i am leaving myself back in Indiana and Ohio, and Kentucky, and coming here, willing to be re-born, willing to run the gauntlet, so that i may simply be seen as His. it's all i've got. and i'm glad of it. in my weaknesses, He will be strongly seen. in my failures, achievements beyond human capability will be witnessed.
and perhaps, as i believe he has revealed to me, Bibles will get into the hands of those who desire one. whether conventionally or unconventionally.
i pray you understand. i thank those of you who do, and i can't explain it more to those who don't. this is just what has come to pass.
i have heard the call, and now i must answer.
Amen.
Salaams, brothers and sisters.
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Luke 2.10-- a letter to my parents yesterday
Mom, Dad,
...you're never going to believe this!
I should have first recognized the confirmation as i was speaking with Munishi about the Bibles for Edward and his family. As soon as i mentioned them to him, he jumped at the chance to help me find a need to fill. It wasn't long before he'd helped me once and had offered his help for the future.
this story all tied itself together today!
i am CERTAIN this is God's next step for me!
This morning, as i was working on my journal, i was finding clippings from my magazines to illustrate the topic of last sunday's service. Vera, our temp. base leader, whom i've already mentioned in several places, preached from Psalm 90.10-12, about "living a life of impact." as i gathered thoughts to fill that page in my journal, i began to relate it to my possible calling. i wanted to create a picture, a collage of several small pictures illustrating my role in the world. i took a small picture of a globe, stuck it onto a stretch of mountainous road from a Honda ad in WIRED, and put a running, jumping man's sillhouette at the other end of the road. the only thing missing was a picture of a Bible. i surprisingly couldn't find a single picture of a Bible in the whole of the Relevant magazine, sadly lol! but i remembered my friend Joyce's little tract she'd been clipping things out of. i went to her just in time and cut out the last little picture of the Bible in the whole tract. it was open and the pages looked more-or-less blank, so i went ahead and decided to write something on the pages. a verse that would fit really well. the first thing that popped into my head was the story in Luke where the Angel says "i bring you great news of great joy" or something like it. all i really wanted was the part that was the angel's message, not the part saying "the angel said...", since i don't really count myself an angel lol! i searched for that verse and found it.
I wrote the reference across the picture of the Bible.
Luke 2:10.
I went to town today and forgot about my journal for the most part, and almost bought another Bible, the English Standaard Version (the one used in SBS) in town, but didn't have enough money. i had also wanted to buy another swahili Bible or two if i'd found i had enough money for it, but as you know... i'm nearly broke!
so, i'd let it go until i'd gotten back and Edward was in the kitchen tonight after dinner when i took my plate and fork in, to wash them. as i washed next to him, he asked me if i had any other Bibles. i told him i didn't but i could get them. I'm sure God will provide the money for them. he told me there are 14 people in Masailand who need Bibles and he's already got 8 of them. I told him this is exactly what i'd hoped would happen after giving him those Bibles, that i'd learn more and more about getting Bibles to people. he was impressed and very pleased with that reaction. i was pumped after this reminder from God. so i just went straight to the dorm, and told several of my brothers in there that we need 6 Swahili Bibles by Thursday. they said they'd be glad to help pay. Thank God! they asked the price and stuff and all that jazz, and then i headed out, after finding the bag that Tyris had carried today, which had my Bible in it, and headed across the courtyard for the classroom, and i started looking around the room to see how many Bibles there were among us. i saw my copy of "The Message" sitting on my desk, near Derek's spot.
"hmm, Derek wanted this, might as well give it to him now." so i pulled out that bookmark the Kennedys sent us from the Chinese underground Church, wanting to put it into my NLT and left the Bible in Derek's place. as i glanced at the book mark yet again, i recognized the picture of the angel speaking to the shepherds from that story at the beginning of Luke. i suddenly remembered, for the first time since i'd written that reference, what i'd been thinking about this morning.
i was overwhelmed with curiosity about the actual verse in Luke that occuppied the bookmark...
five minutes later i was on google, searched "Chinese Bible", clicked on the first link and skipped to Luke 2.10, and compared the images with those of the bookmark. they matched letter-for-letter! the interesting thing was that they had left out the first part of the verse, saying "the Angel said...", just as i'd been thinking about it!
HOLY CRAP!!!!! i can't think it's anything less than God... no coincidence could ever be this great! i had no reason to think of those words this morning, save for that they were the first words to enter my head as i tried to think of a message for the persecuted Church.
Mom, Dad, ...do you believe it?!
I truly believe God had confirmed it now. first through Munishi. then through Edward. and now even through another scripture!
Praise God! please do Praise God! i really can't think of anything else to do!
frankly, i'm gonna go find out how we can scrape together enough money to buy 6 Bibles... the smallest, cheapest ones i know of are 7,000 each. that means (shoot, maybe i shoulda stayed in my math class!) .... um.... er.... um.... 42, 000 shillings (thank you Andrea and Jeff, sitting right across from me in the computer room!)
God will provide! i have no doubt in my mind! i'm gonna go pray now! 6 people need Bibles by thursday... and i only have 1,500 Tsh! time to pray, Mom and Dad!
I love you all! have a wonderful day! write me back about this when you get the chance! and of course, you're still in my prayers!
Amen!
-asher
...you're never going to believe this!
I should have first recognized the confirmation as i was speaking with Munishi about the Bibles for Edward and his family. As soon as i mentioned them to him, he jumped at the chance to help me find a need to fill. It wasn't long before he'd helped me once and had offered his help for the future.
this story all tied itself together today!
i am CERTAIN this is God's next step for me!
This morning, as i was working on my journal, i was finding clippings from my magazines to illustrate the topic of last sunday's service. Vera, our temp. base leader, whom i've already mentioned in several places, preached from Psalm 90.10-12, about "living a life of impact." as i gathered thoughts to fill that page in my journal, i began to relate it to my possible calling. i wanted to create a picture, a collage of several small pictures illustrating my role in the world. i took a small picture of a globe, stuck it onto a stretch of mountainous road from a Honda ad in WIRED, and put a running, jumping man's sillhouette at the other end of the road. the only thing missing was a picture of a Bible. i surprisingly couldn't find a single picture of a Bible in the whole of the Relevant magazine, sadly lol! but i remembered my friend Joyce's little tract she'd been clipping things out of. i went to her just in time and cut out the last little picture of the Bible in the whole tract. it was open and the pages looked more-or-less blank, so i went ahead and decided to write something on the pages. a verse that would fit really well. the first thing that popped into my head was the story in Luke where the Angel says "i bring you great news of great joy" or something like it. all i really wanted was the part that was the angel's message, not the part saying "the angel said...", since i don't really count myself an angel lol! i searched for that verse and found it.
I wrote the reference across the picture of the Bible.
Luke 2:10.
I went to town today and forgot about my journal for the most part, and almost bought another Bible, the English Standaard Version (the one used in SBS) in town, but didn't have enough money. i had also wanted to buy another swahili Bible or two if i'd found i had enough money for it, but as you know... i'm nearly broke!
so, i'd let it go until i'd gotten back and Edward was in the kitchen tonight after dinner when i took my plate and fork in, to wash them. as i washed next to him, he asked me if i had any other Bibles. i told him i didn't but i could get them. I'm sure God will provide the money for them. he told me there are 14 people in Masailand who need Bibles and he's already got 8 of them. I told him this is exactly what i'd hoped would happen after giving him those Bibles, that i'd learn more and more about getting Bibles to people. he was impressed and very pleased with that reaction. i was pumped after this reminder from God. so i just went straight to the dorm, and told several of my brothers in there that we need 6 Swahili Bibles by Thursday. they said they'd be glad to help pay. Thank God! they asked the price and stuff and all that jazz, and then i headed out, after finding the bag that Tyris had carried today, which had my Bible in it, and headed across the courtyard for the classroom, and i started looking around the room to see how many Bibles there were among us. i saw my copy of "The Message" sitting on my desk, near Derek's spot.
"hmm, Derek wanted this, might as well give it to him now." so i pulled out that bookmark the Kennedys sent us from the Chinese underground Church, wanting to put it into my NLT and left the Bible in Derek's place. as i glanced at the book mark yet again, i recognized the picture of the angel speaking to the shepherds from that story at the beginning of Luke. i suddenly remembered, for the first time since i'd written that reference, what i'd been thinking about this morning.
i was overwhelmed with curiosity about the actual verse in Luke that occuppied the bookmark...
five minutes later i was on google, searched "Chinese Bible", clicked on the first link and skipped to Luke 2.10, and compared the images with those of the bookmark. they matched letter-for-letter! the interesting thing was that they had left out the first part of the verse, saying "the Angel said...", just as i'd been thinking about it!
HOLY CRAP!!!!! i can't think it's anything less than God... no coincidence could ever be this great! i had no reason to think of those words this morning, save for that they were the first words to enter my head as i tried to think of a message for the persecuted Church.
Mom, Dad, ...do you believe it?!
I truly believe God had confirmed it now. first through Munishi. then through Edward. and now even through another scripture!
Praise God! please do Praise God! i really can't think of anything else to do!
frankly, i'm gonna go find out how we can scrape together enough money to buy 6 Bibles... the smallest, cheapest ones i know of are 7,000 each. that means (shoot, maybe i shoulda stayed in my math class!) .... um.... er.... um.... 42, 000 shillings (thank you Andrea and Jeff, sitting right across from me in the computer room!)
God will provide! i have no doubt in my mind! i'm gonna go pray now! 6 people need Bibles by thursday... and i only have 1,500 Tsh! time to pray, Mom and Dad!
I love you all! have a wonderful day! write me back about this when you get the chance! and of course, you're still in my prayers!
Amen!
-asher
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Thank you, my dear sister!
To be honest, i was hoping, as i surfed to this blog, to find that you had written, and indeed God has blessed me with your words, sister! thank you so much for your prayers!
i confess that at this point there's been little of political interest to photograph. Tanzania's so safe and unvolitile in many places that there's almost no need whatsoever to be aware.
However, apparently due to a very low salary (about $50 USD a month) the police here run on illegal bribes from foreign Mzungus like myself. so far, i've not even met the eyes of an officer here, much less been of any interest to them, but twice in the past couple weeks i've gone into town wearing two knives, and on those two trips, i found myself standing just a couple meters from a semi-automatic and its uniform-clad owner. strange how weapons seem drawn to each other. i think i'll stop carrying those knives outside the base. i really had no reason to.
i was pick-pocketed two weeks ago, and perhaps that would have been reason to want the knife still, but even in retrospect (as i'd had my bigger black knife on me that day), i'm sure i'd never have drawn it on anyone. to be quite honest, i've already forgiven the man who took my phone. i'm almost sure i know exactly who it was, and when it happened. by God's grace, he didn't manage to take the letter to my brother i had folded up in that very same pocket!
i was angry at first, naturally, as i realized about two minutes after the slight tussle with the man at the dala-dala station in the center of Arusha, that it was missing. but my very next thought was simply that i was praying they wouldn't harrass the people in my phone book. i called it from my friend's phone the next day and found that my SIM card had already been removed. it's not likely they'll ever be harrassing my loved ones!
i bought a new phone within about an hour, half the price of the one i'd lost, and i only felt stupid when i realized how much cheaper phones generally ran--outside of the supermarket i'd gotten my first Nokia at.
as a westerner who's nearly been handed everything in life, and had so little taken away, i feel it is by God's grace that that experience has only drawn my closer to the city of Arusha, and not pushed me away! As i think about it more and more, i realize my fate is intertwined with that of the whole continent of Africa. if Africa dies, i die. if Africa prospers, i will be happy. if Africa flounders, so will i. but i believe Africa is on the up.
part 2:
i also wanted to briefly mention something about the last church service i attended, two days ago...
during the worship session that opened the service (which was lead by Natasha, Mary, and Johan, from our DTS and leadership) i felt God speaking to me in a way i can't really describe. and honestly, i feel he's illuminated the task before me. or at least the direction he wants me to go in, for now. with that said, i am leaving the rest to your imagination and prayer. i've barely scratched the surface, but i'm waiting for God's guidance in the details, so for now they will remain between me and God, and two other men whom i've sworn to secrecy.
just please pray. thank you.
on a final note, there is one thing i see in my future with nearly absolute clarity.
Beginning in early February 2008, here at this very base in Arusha, is a School of Biblical Studies (SBS). it starts not more than two weeks after our DTS comes to a close, and frankly, i think God is telling me to stick around for that. it's another nine months of the most intensive study i think i'll ever take part in. i'll read every book of the Bible FIVE times in 9 months, breaking it down in nearly every separate book of the Bible to two-paragraph sections, and finding meaning and cultural significance in every word written in it! (except that apparently we'll only be doing a selection of Psalms since there are so many!) I don't expect to return to the States any time soon, and i know this may really hurt some of you, brothers and sisters.
so, i ask for your prayers on this as well.
and finally, i bid you all a wonderful night! i believe my time's almost up! i rarely get much time on the internet here... power tends to go out for several hours at a time, a couple times each day and night! so even when i have the time, i do not necessarily have the means. tonight has been a blessing! and i am so glad to give you all a fuller report on things here! many who read my blog will in some way receive word from my parents with a break-down of my daily routine. as for my sister, Aisha, well, i know you'll find a way to get into contact with me if i don't reach you first!
Have a blessed night!
the Peace of the Lord be with you. Amen.
-Archer (Motochi)
i confess that at this point there's been little of political interest to photograph. Tanzania's so safe and unvolitile in many places that there's almost no need whatsoever to be aware.
However, apparently due to a very low salary (about $50 USD a month) the police here run on illegal bribes from foreign Mzungus like myself. so far, i've not even met the eyes of an officer here, much less been of any interest to them, but twice in the past couple weeks i've gone into town wearing two knives, and on those two trips, i found myself standing just a couple meters from a semi-automatic and its uniform-clad owner. strange how weapons seem drawn to each other. i think i'll stop carrying those knives outside the base. i really had no reason to.
i was pick-pocketed two weeks ago, and perhaps that would have been reason to want the knife still, but even in retrospect (as i'd had my bigger black knife on me that day), i'm sure i'd never have drawn it on anyone. to be quite honest, i've already forgiven the man who took my phone. i'm almost sure i know exactly who it was, and when it happened. by God's grace, he didn't manage to take the letter to my brother i had folded up in that very same pocket!
i was angry at first, naturally, as i realized about two minutes after the slight tussle with the man at the dala-dala station in the center of Arusha, that it was missing. but my very next thought was simply that i was praying they wouldn't harrass the people in my phone book. i called it from my friend's phone the next day and found that my SIM card had already been removed. it's not likely they'll ever be harrassing my loved ones!
i bought a new phone within about an hour, half the price of the one i'd lost, and i only felt stupid when i realized how much cheaper phones generally ran--outside of the supermarket i'd gotten my first Nokia at.
as a westerner who's nearly been handed everything in life, and had so little taken away, i feel it is by God's grace that that experience has only drawn my closer to the city of Arusha, and not pushed me away! As i think about it more and more, i realize my fate is intertwined with that of the whole continent of Africa. if Africa dies, i die. if Africa prospers, i will be happy. if Africa flounders, so will i. but i believe Africa is on the up.
part 2:
i also wanted to briefly mention something about the last church service i attended, two days ago...
during the worship session that opened the service (which was lead by Natasha, Mary, and Johan, from our DTS and leadership) i felt God speaking to me in a way i can't really describe. and honestly, i feel he's illuminated the task before me. or at least the direction he wants me to go in, for now. with that said, i am leaving the rest to your imagination and prayer. i've barely scratched the surface, but i'm waiting for God's guidance in the details, so for now they will remain between me and God, and two other men whom i've sworn to secrecy.
just please pray. thank you.
on a final note, there is one thing i see in my future with nearly absolute clarity.
Beginning in early February 2008, here at this very base in Arusha, is a School of Biblical Studies (SBS). it starts not more than two weeks after our DTS comes to a close, and frankly, i think God is telling me to stick around for that. it's another nine months of the most intensive study i think i'll ever take part in. i'll read every book of the Bible FIVE times in 9 months, breaking it down in nearly every separate book of the Bible to two-paragraph sections, and finding meaning and cultural significance in every word written in it! (except that apparently we'll only be doing a selection of Psalms since there are so many!) I don't expect to return to the States any time soon, and i know this may really hurt some of you, brothers and sisters.
so, i ask for your prayers on this as well.
and finally, i bid you all a wonderful night! i believe my time's almost up! i rarely get much time on the internet here... power tends to go out for several hours at a time, a couple times each day and night! so even when i have the time, i do not necessarily have the means. tonight has been a blessing! and i am so glad to give you all a fuller report on things here! many who read my blog will in some way receive word from my parents with a break-down of my daily routine. as for my sister, Aisha, well, i know you'll find a way to get into contact with me if i don't reach you first!
Have a blessed night!
the Peace of the Lord be with you. Amen.
-Archer (Motochi)
Friday, September 28, 2007
My Dear Friend
It has been strange knowing that my brother is so far, and yet i know that God has given him a task to fullfil and that he may only return once it has been completed. I pray for him and worry everyday.
I am so glad to have finally heard from you my dear dear brother, and i hope to recieve some letters or film from you soon.
believe in yourself and stay strong, there is no one that can believe in you or trust in you more than yourself and God. So trust in your own abilities and believe that you will accomplish what he has in store for you.
I miss hearing from you. Write soon.
Allah Hafiz
I am so glad to have finally heard from you my dear dear brother, and i hope to recieve some letters or film from you soon.
believe in yourself and stay strong, there is no one that can believe in you or trust in you more than yourself and God. So trust in your own abilities and believe that you will accomplish what he has in store for you.
I miss hearing from you. Write soon.
Allah Hafiz
Sunday, September 16, 2007
in Africa!
i'm in Africa, and i haven't blogged in 2 weeks! but here's a quick one to let everyone know im here and alive and well and loving Africa so much! i don't know when i'll get a chance to post again, but here's just to let you know i'd love to have some prayer! won't really tell you what for, but God will tell you if you seek him, especially in intercession! the team here is great and i already have a beautiful and strong connection with several people! God is good! Bwana Asifiwe!
by the way.... i feel like God may be asking me to stay here for a long time, so be praying for me in that! as it stands right now... i dont have any desire to return to the states!
my friend Patrick here has given me an African name, so that i may become as African as possible for a white boy!
i am now called Motoche! (in Swahili it means "Light"!)
i'm going to bed now! Bless you all!
Peace of Christ be with you, brothers and sisters!
Osicu mwema wada na waka!
by the way.... i feel like God may be asking me to stay here for a long time, so be praying for me in that! as it stands right now... i dont have any desire to return to the states!
my friend Patrick here has given me an African name, so that i may become as African as possible for a white boy!
i am now called Motoche! (in Swahili it means "Light"!)
i'm going to bed now! Bless you all!
Peace of Christ be with you, brothers and sisters!
Osicu mwema wada na waka!
Sunday, September 2, 2007
"Missionary Consecration" -before
It is Sunday, September 2nd, 2007. On Friday, September 7th, 2007, in the mid-morning, i will begin a day's worth of flights that will carry me from my last breaths in this country for the rest of this year.
It is 10.24 am. in about an hour, i'm going to be prayed over and "consecrated" at the church i attend in Lafayette, Indiana.
I am going to Africa, by God's grace and what is hopefully God's will.
I have gone through Hell in order to serve Heaven. emotionally. spiritually. mentally. financially. and even moreso emotionally.
but i am days away from slipping off my sandals and bowing to God to kiss the African sand in Arusha, Tanzania. whether or not i literally do all that, i'm not sure i'll have the guts to become a public spectacle! so, perhaps, i'll stick to just looking up and allowing God to take my breath away, as i step out of the airport, visa in hand.
i am setting out on a journey i have been living my whole life for, and one that will establish my temporary part in God's plan. i pray that more of my life is unravelled as i explore God and myself, and my brothers and sisters in Arusha.
i believe God will use this period in my life to draw me completely to him, so that i may be wholy his.
i believe he's already started that.
i am going to be ripped apart.
i am going to be torn.
i am going to be humbled, i pray.
i am going to be nothing but God's.
"When Christ calls a man, he bids him, come and die." -Bonhoeffer.
"He must become greater, i must become less." -John 3.30
i have always accepted the former, and never really understood the latter. but they coincide so much. this is where i must be fully accepting of God's will.
frankly, if he tells me that he wants me to stay on in Arusha, with YWAM, or to move somewhere else within Africa, i will not argue, and i will go ahead and do so. i aim to do as God asks. my Adonai, my King. it is he whom i must know.
when i learn the character of Christ, i will learn in whole, what God would have me do.
therefore, brothers and sisters. i become less. i tear down myself and i leave this country. possibly never to come back, if it is God's will.
pray for me. pray with me. i will pray for you. i will pray with you.
Peace of the Lord be with you all. PAX DOMINI.
amen.
It is 10.24 am. in about an hour, i'm going to be prayed over and "consecrated" at the church i attend in Lafayette, Indiana.
I am going to Africa, by God's grace and what is hopefully God's will.
I have gone through Hell in order to serve Heaven. emotionally. spiritually. mentally. financially. and even moreso emotionally.
but i am days away from slipping off my sandals and bowing to God to kiss the African sand in Arusha, Tanzania. whether or not i literally do all that, i'm not sure i'll have the guts to become a public spectacle! so, perhaps, i'll stick to just looking up and allowing God to take my breath away, as i step out of the airport, visa in hand.
i am setting out on a journey i have been living my whole life for, and one that will establish my temporary part in God's plan. i pray that more of my life is unravelled as i explore God and myself, and my brothers and sisters in Arusha.
i believe God will use this period in my life to draw me completely to him, so that i may be wholy his.
i believe he's already started that.
i am going to be ripped apart.
i am going to be torn.
i am going to be humbled, i pray.
i am going to be nothing but God's.
"When Christ calls a man, he bids him, come and die." -Bonhoeffer.
"He must become greater, i must become less." -John 3.30
i have always accepted the former, and never really understood the latter. but they coincide so much. this is where i must be fully accepting of God's will.
frankly, if he tells me that he wants me to stay on in Arusha, with YWAM, or to move somewhere else within Africa, i will not argue, and i will go ahead and do so. i aim to do as God asks. my Adonai, my King. it is he whom i must know.
when i learn the character of Christ, i will learn in whole, what God would have me do.
therefore, brothers and sisters. i become less. i tear down myself and i leave this country. possibly never to come back, if it is God's will.
pray for me. pray with me. i will pray for you. i will pray with you.
Peace of the Lord be with you all. PAX DOMINI.
amen.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
the blister on my left heel and the presence of God--part 2-------------------------------------------------------- or 'when and why i blog'
(i generally only blog when i KNOW i'm wrong, or when i THINK i'm right. interesting...)
i am not an angry person, but i am often very anger.
i am not a bitter person, but sometimes bitterness takes hold of me.
i am not a happy person, but i often know true joy!
i am not a perfect person, but sometimes goodness takes hold of me.
i blogged last night because i was bitter and angry.
Jesus only got angry on the behalf of others.
i don't think i was angry last night on the behalf of others. i am annoyed by the fact that because i dress poorly, walk barefoot constantly, and carry my most prescious books and trinkets in a backpack, i look like the kind of person who doesn't belong in the society.
that is correct. i do not belong in this world i live in. i'm talking primarily about middle-class america. as long as there is lower-class nigeria and bottom-class india (the untouchables), and upper-class western world... i belong at the bottom rung.
i will try to serve, in order to better follow the Jesus who i claim to trust in. the Jesus who knows me better than anyone, and knows just how broken and beautiful i can be.
but what i did wrong last night, was i actually got angry only on my wn behalf. the lower class world was not attacked. i was attacked by their prejudice. and maybe that means they think little of everyone poorer than they.
either way, they attacked me alone. this means my anger was unwarranted.
and i apologize.
i actually honestly wanted to invite that couple to dinner with me somewhere, just so i could better understand them, and explain to them what it is that makes me walk at night.
but i didn't really even tell them why i was walking, and who i was going out to meet. i am guilty of misguidance. i am guilty of anger on no reasonable count. i am guilty of selfishness. i wanted fresh air to meet with my maker, whereas all he needed was a stilled heart, and an empty room in this house i occupy. my bad.
forgive me, God. forgive me, my un-named brother and sister. i wish i knew you better and understood why you did not appreciate what i was doing last night. forgive me, brothers and sisters whom i do know, those of you who are supporting me and partnering with me and enabling me to go wherever i feel God calling me to go.
thank you for blessing me.
i am not perfect.
i am not good. ("there is no one who does good, not even one." -Romans 3.12b)
but i am trying to be like this guy Jesus who has both wrecked and resurrected my life.
amen.
i am not an angry person, but i am often very anger.
i am not a bitter person, but sometimes bitterness takes hold of me.
i am not a happy person, but i often know true joy!
i am not a perfect person, but sometimes goodness takes hold of me.
i blogged last night because i was bitter and angry.
Jesus only got angry on the behalf of others.
i don't think i was angry last night on the behalf of others. i am annoyed by the fact that because i dress poorly, walk barefoot constantly, and carry my most prescious books and trinkets in a backpack, i look like the kind of person who doesn't belong in the society.
that is correct. i do not belong in this world i live in. i'm talking primarily about middle-class america. as long as there is lower-class nigeria and bottom-class india (the untouchables), and upper-class western world... i belong at the bottom rung.
i will try to serve, in order to better follow the Jesus who i claim to trust in. the Jesus who knows me better than anyone, and knows just how broken and beautiful i can be.
but what i did wrong last night, was i actually got angry only on my wn behalf. the lower class world was not attacked. i was attacked by their prejudice. and maybe that means they think little of everyone poorer than they.
either way, they attacked me alone. this means my anger was unwarranted.
and i apologize.
i actually honestly wanted to invite that couple to dinner with me somewhere, just so i could better understand them, and explain to them what it is that makes me walk at night.
but i didn't really even tell them why i was walking, and who i was going out to meet. i am guilty of misguidance. i am guilty of anger on no reasonable count. i am guilty of selfishness. i wanted fresh air to meet with my maker, whereas all he needed was a stilled heart, and an empty room in this house i occupy. my bad.
forgive me, God. forgive me, my un-named brother and sister. i wish i knew you better and understood why you did not appreciate what i was doing last night. forgive me, brothers and sisters whom i do know, those of you who are supporting me and partnering with me and enabling me to go wherever i feel God calling me to go.
thank you for blessing me.
i am not perfect.
i am not good. ("there is no one who does good, not even one." -Romans 3.12b)
but i am trying to be like this guy Jesus who has both wrecked and resurrected my life.
amen.
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