that hallway of 82 and a half...

i'm standing in a hallway right now, lined with 82 and a half open doors.

yeah that half-door's quite the confusing one.

until i am on the north american continent again in late january 2008, i will not know which one is best. hopefully 81 and a half doors will close. or maybe 82, and then that half-door will grow open or something.

being torn kinda sucks a lot.
Africa will shape me and define me. create me and build me. support me and direct me.
until then i will see only open doors. even the violent ones. i hope those ones close so the peaceful ones can be more appealling. but i can roll with whatever. i shall take all because i have made peace with all. all but that half-door.

still workin' on that one.

the mountains are trembling and time is crescendoing earth's very existence, God's very presence. it's all here. now i just must wait. the entire puzzle is waiting for that one large piece. i am waiting for that one large piece. then can i know whether or not i will someday marry a beautiful queen. until then i struggle to daily make peace with the likelihood that i will go solo on this earth.

if i do marry, she better be fighting by my side. and i better be fighting by her side.

when i recognize you next to me, surging into the jungle mist, across the hazy savannah, and the searing Sahara... then will i take a knee to your soft hand and reach for your finger. if i may.

if i am extinguished before that moment, know that i wanted to reach that point. know that i wanted to get there. but that my number was up too early. i'm at peace with that. ready to go.

"how are you not afraid to go over there?"
"because i know i'm going to die there."

..."good nuff fo me"...

pax to the beloved of heavenly Adonai

an inner battle to decide my battlefields...

I have lobbied Congresspersons twice now, for international efforts to really protect the civilians of Darfur in Sudan.

I have shouted in the streets at a war protest on October 5, 2006. I have laid on the cold asphalt in front of the very building i would later delegate to, in solidarity with those needlessly killed in Bush's wars. Inside the federal building, there was hung a portrait of Bush.

I am still trying to subvert his authority.

((I did not elect him. I speak out against many in power in the rich, western world.))

I am still going to subvert their authority.

I am one who is against the rulers who know nothing of the people.
One way or another, baby. for one sin or another, you're goin' down... I'm gonna rescue my brother.

whether in the
Black Block,
Black Bloc,
or Black Box
...i'm going to subvert your rule. i will not play by your rules. i do not have to ignore my family in the rest of the world.
i do not have to put myself above others.
i do not have to buy more crap to please myself.
i do not have to marry.
i do not have to raise a child in this world.
i do not have to get rich quick.
i do not have to say the pledge of allegiance.
i do not have to live with their blood on my hands.
i would rather die with MY blood on YOUR hands.

i am not God. i am not always right. but i know that you are wrong.

in the words of Kokolo, from the Afrobeat Sudan Aid Project (ASAP),

"Mister Sinister, a word with you sir,
Kindly please let me speak my mind,
Mister Sinister, a word with you sir,
Kindly please let me speak my mind...

So much blood upon your hands
How can you make valid claims
To define yourself as civilized?

Murder hides behind your smile
As they fall for your profile
Find another fool to sympathize.

Why, why would i bow to you, Mister Mister Mister?
Why, why would i bow to you, Mister Sinister?"



--Mister Sinister, a word with you sir,
Kindly get the hell out my way!--

{when all else fails, brothers and sisters, never forget why you are fighting}

my purity ring

maybe this ring-- a promise not to be sexually active before marriage, so as to save myself for my wife-- will possibly be the only ring i ever wear on my left hand. no engagement ring for guys, and no wedding band.

for now, that's the outlook i find God to be leading me toward. i'm pretty open to change, and i got no issue with this outlook changing in the future. but i like to think that if i roll with this outlook for now, then perhaps the woman i end up marrying will be honored in me not looking around my whole life before her. if i marry the prostitute hangin out on the corner, i won't be angry with her for her past. I want to be as faithful and loving and forgiving to her as Hosea (as faithful and loving and forgiving to ME as God)...

I know that if i stick to God and God alone for now, as the one i want to be most intimate wit, then i ain't worried bout who or what comes next wit dis revelation. got it?

i'm a sojourner, ragged, dirty, and pretty effin' broken, if you ask me.
but dass coo wit me. roll wit it.

by the way...
I know i'm real broken and i screw up almost everything i do, or try for, but i know that what i got best is my relationships with my brothers and sisters. thank you all.

peace.
(or rather,)
SHALOM
(^look it up, it's deeper than u may think)

YWAM (updated) & Isaiah

ok, so, it looks like i will be definitely taking a year off from school, starting with a DTS (Discipleship Training School) with YWAM in Arusha, Tanzania, from September 10, to January 25, 2008!

After that, it looks to me like I won't have a chance to begin even a spring semester. And frankly, I'm cool with that. pretty much the sweetest thing ever, because regardless of the events and locations my family will be at in the coming year, I will likely be spending some more time back in Arusha, with YWAM hopefully! I'll probably roll a bit in Indiana, Ohio, West Virginia, and Africa! :) random list, woohoo!

Oh, and here's this sweet passage I found from Isaiah this morning:

"Learn to do good.
Seek justice.
Help the oppressed.
Defend the cause of orphans.
Fight for the rights of widows."
-Isaiah 1:17 (New Living Translation)

check it. i love it!

pax, yo!