There are no longer the sweet smiles and warm, safe embraces of the elders to comfort me. My father cries at the sight of me, and my grandparents consider me dead. I am not welcome to Thanksgiving, Eid, Birthday, Graduation.
My family has asked me not to be present for any of thier lives, and it is a sad thing that they will not forgive me even in death. My grandmother lies in a hospital bed today, dying of infection and starvation, but my family blames me saying she is dying of a broken heart.
What is my crime? What could I have possibly done for them to shun me so? I fell in love with a man who they couldn't accept. He wasn't muslim, he wasn't pakistani, and he is poor as dirt. But what do these things matter if we are happy? If we are both in school, working towards a better life. He's even decided that he wants to convert for me.
So what is the big deal. Why does my cousin get to marry a white girl and still have the family support. Why could my own father get away with marrying an american woman? I am a woman, and the rules are different. They tell me I am no longer a good muslim woman so I am dead to them.
This pain, this suffering for me is the hardest thing in the world. The loss I feel is next to none.
What a test this is for my life, and what a horrible thing for any child to feel such anger from their family. What should I do now? My entire life has been turned upsidedown and the very meaning of love and committment have been altered beyond recognition. I feel sorry for my fiancee who has to feel my pain and occasional mistrust as a result. Why does love come at such costs? And when we find real love, should we have to make these sacrifices?
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This is the HQ for several soldiers in the war for international human rights. Our thoughts are often scattered, our postings are at times rare, but we'll keep speaking out as long as there are ears to hear.
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