not the norm.

i am going to break a lot of rules by writing what i will write next.

if you have a weak stomach, are patriotic, or know anyone who'd be offended by condemnation of particular US soldiers, or would be offended by an affront to the American psyche of super-importance... then stop reading this entry.

---

i first read a story of a woman named Maria Osman, a Mogadishu resident, about two weeks ago. Yahoo News journalist Kevin Sites has been touring the world's conflict zones for about a year. he stopped in Mogadishu and met a woman named Maria.

her arm is useless. rendered so by the bullet wound that she earned for trying to reach the crushed body of her dead young daughter... under US Black Hawk helicopter Super Six One. When the first Black Hawk went down on October 3, 1993, it would herald the end for 18 American soldiers.

and the same fate came to roughly 600 to 1,000 Somalis.

we glorify the black hawks.


and we ignore Maria Osman's story.


the film makes no mention of the girl crushed by Super Six One.

' "I hate the Americans," she says, her eyes maintaining their empty sadness rather than shifting to anger. "I hate them for what happened to my daughter. If I saw one I would cut them up into so many pieces." ' -Kevin Sites quoting Maria Osman

if you think this is wrong, i agree with you. i think hate is a horrible thing, but i can see where it comes from.
but apparently she's not the only one guilty of this.

"An anonymous man wearing a US Special Forces T-shirt is a war criminal, if his three-minute YouTube interview is to be believed. In it, he claims to have taken part in routine torture of Iraqis — Hajji’s in soldier slang — in the infamous Abu Ghraib prison..." -Captain Eric May, on Soldier X's Youtube interview (i won't put the link to it, but search "soldier x interview" if you absolutely don't believe me in any other way. but please, don't view it unless you're completely ready to hear what he has to say, while smiling)


last month i joined the All Somali Forum. i wrote a blog on there about the war crimes of the Transitional Federal Government in Somalia, and when someone read it, they posted a comment asking me if i am anti-TFG.

i told them that i am, for the time being, since they are committing war crimes and getting away with it. i am against any war criminal. frankly, as you can guess, that does mean tat my enemies include many americans. by far, hopefully not a majority, but definitely more than i'd normally think.

there are always people against people. but if it's going to go that way, it should only be the armed against the armed. civilians should never be targets. and there is such a thing as War Law. so if you're going to lose your head, at least do it by the rules.

high-octane

sometimes i think about how real my life is, in a way that it defies all "American Dream" reality, and rather focuses on what is truly real, namely everything that is going on outside of this country.

i am aware of the Turkish invasion of northern Iraq, to deal with the PKK rebels.

i am aware of the peace talks in Kenya, and that they are possibly getting somewhere great in the coming weeks and months.

i am aware that the Islamic Courts Union could very easily overthrow the secular Transitional Federal Government and its Ethiopian backing, in southern Somalia, after the ICU displayed its power on Sunday, by attacking military targets in Dinsoor, Somalia. (frankly, the ICU brought better stability and peace during their six months of rule, than TFG/Ethiopia has in over a year. i think ICU needs to gain power back.)

i am aware that Kosovo and Serbia may easily divide the world's powers along lines (and to extents) not seen in over 60 years or more.

i am aware that Chad, Sudan's once-peaceful neighbor (harboring so many Darfur refugees) is on the verge of failing to withstand Sudanese rebels and their attempt at a likely coup.

i am aware that Israel is threatening a full-scale invasion of the Palestinian Authority.

i am aware that the U.S. is run by war criminals and murderers, liars, torturers, weasels, and arrogant war hawks.

barely any of this is good news. Kenya may have peace. Somalia may have stability (after more bloodshed of course).

but there is the bad:

Iraq may lose its own identity as a nation, as it is divided up but foreign belligerent powers.
Kosovo may lose its identity as a nation simply for declaring it, as the rest of the world draws lines to fight over it's name.
Chad's toppling may lead to another extension of Darfur, tripling the size of the war zone and genocidal crimes.
Palestine may lose its identity as a nation, as indiscriminate [super-power-backed] genocide wipes out an entire people based on individual criminals.
the world may be crippled by whatever next move the U.S., Russia, China, England, France, Germany, Italy, and the rest of the world's most influential states carry through with.

there is a vacuum where there once was concern for human life.

the U.S. has broken nearly all its commitments to proper human rights--like the ones spelled out in the Geneva Conventions, the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights, (and others)--or simply dodged parts of memberships, commitments, or alliances that would hold them equally accountable with all other members and signers.

and they say China's not fit to host the games. our Human Rights record is far worse... just that nobody knows about it.

"Crippling"

i just spent the past hour and a half working out the kinks in the lyrics of a song i wrote. and now i think i'm done with the first draft.

inspired by the rawness of Derek Webb's newest album. in case you never knew my hardest battle, it's in words finally.
i can really relate to some of Derek's songs... especially the one called "I Don't Want to Fight"

but here's mine...



V1:
I'm not a good Christian
I'm not a good person
Ain't no good about me
I'm just the bad guy
With the good intentions
The sinner who won't stop trying

Chorus:
19 years down and I haven't frickin' grown
Haven't stayed on top
More than a minute
But i can't stop trying
Or i won't stop sliding

V2:
I'm not really worth it
I'm not going for it
Ain't no success for me
I'm just the bad guy
With the good intentions
The sinner who won't stop trying

.Chorus.

V3:
I'm not the one to judge you
I'm sure as Hell gonna stop you
Ain't no point in lying
I'm just the bad guy
With the good intentions
The sinner who won't stop trying

.Chorus.

Bridge:
I'm just crippling
The Body of Christ
Learning to shoot
Just to stop the shooter
I know that I'm wrong
But i want the lesser of two evils.

V4:
So close your eyes, darling
I don't want you to see this
ain't no hope for me
But you got freedom
I'm just the bad guy
With the good intentions
The sinner who won't stop trying
When my words dry up
And i'm killing just to stop the dying



please comment if you read this. i hope you can tell i need feedback.

to be mis-interpreted

sadly, everything can be mis-interpreted.

you could read this as a disconnected trail of thoughts,
as a sign of my own depression,
or as a suicide note.

it is not the latter. probably not the former. maybe the middle?

I believe people do not know how to easily read me. I long to come into face-to-face contact with my lover so that she may truly know everything happening within me, simply by looking into my eyes.

if i say my hometown is Amsterdam, i am not to be questioned. many do not know my allegiances. the hundreds of times i pledged my allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, none of them i take as truth or reality anymore. simply because i feel more that this country is parasiting me, than that it is helping me acheive my dream.

i am too easily distracted here, because of the billions of dollars that are pumped into advertising and TV. I think i shall unplug it for the weekend. I will be alone here for the weekend, so who could it hurt?

i just do not like being assaulted for simple things i say. i do not like being questioned as i try to remain true to myself and the calling i hope is still mine. i have nearly lost a true sense of identity. i feel as though i have too many homes and hearths- thus none. i feel as though i have too many faces and personalities- in fact, none.

i am unaware of Asher. Things i once was, i can no longer identify with nearly as strongly, and even things i love now i feel too distant from. like there is some invisible wall between me and me. between Me and Asher. between Mind and Heart.

And worst of all, I don't know how to fix it.

Lamentations

Bitterness is a plague,
And I have been afflicted.

I laughed; I did not weep.
My face gave an appearance of joy,
Not solemnity.

I felt Your Peace swell inside of me,
And I rejoiced;
I gratified myself in it.

I screamed and I danced,
While my heart grew haughty;
And you grew weary of my foolish pride.

Your Presence fled;
My heart singed;
My flesh burned and bled.

And I cried:
"Oh Lord, forgive me for I have sinned."