i never knew i could be so tired

i never knew someone in my socio-economical standing could be so worn out by what the world feels.

i never knew that delving into the dealings of Amnesty International and Africa Action could tire me out.

i never knew it could hit me as hard as it has and is.

and in other things, i never knew it could be so hard to forgive myself.

i am tired. i need sleep and some sweet, serene dreamscapes to explore.

i am going to experience the hardest months of my life to date, this year.
and i may see a brother or sister pass from this life in moments of agony and sickness i have never experienced.
and God willing i will not be able to forget it.

there is so much to learn and so much to consider.

i need to write to Zariatu. i need to think of something to draw for her. the most recent drawing from her was an orange. it was colored in, in green crayon. either my sister has a wonderful sense of humor, or this is just a testament to the limited supplies in West Mamprussi. or maybe a friend of hers did not feel like sharing the orange crayon that day. or maybe she, like me, had procrastinated and simply grabbed the nearest crayon in order to finish the drawing just in time to send out the Christmas card to us! these musings make me laugh. my little sister makes me laugh. i hope i will meet her someday.
but first i need to write to her.

i wish i could ship myself to Ghana with the same amount of postage to send a colored-in drawing! haha!
i'm feeling better now.

peace and love to you all, sisters and brothers!