The conversation over a wonderful dinner of salad, egg-salad, corn on the cob (freshly shucked about the time i arrived at her house) and chicken--for them-- dwelt often upon the plans for the wedding and the banquet afterwords between Emily's sister Lauren and Nathan, an awesome guy i wish i could get to know better. At one point, as i zoned in and out of the conversation, since Em and i were enjoying a side-bar of silly remarks between the two of us, i found that the discussion had turned to the dinner dishes and the set of tableware to accompany. her mother and her sister decided that it was wise to stick with plain white or off-white plates, because they could go with any kind of food very easily and wouldn't be an eye-sore.
that is very true... a hot pink saucer doesn't exactly jive with chocolate pudding without looking vaguely bloody, i would imagine.
i became introverted at that point again since i often do when i realize my input would be a waste of breath seeing as how my expertise is not in the arts of interior design.
in case any of my readers haven't caught on yet, i am one of a small pool of largely unpopular critics when it comes to hating suburban life. as joyful as i am for the couple i'd only just met that night, i can't help but thinking that in the lifestyle i see myself called to, there is little need for an understanding of which color of plate will suit which delicious dinner combo.
my lifestyle choice: living poor among the poor, loving incarnationally as Jesus did, serving the marginalized in every society.
as this thought wanders into my brain yet again, this solemn Sunday evening, i wonder at the depth of my realization.
just as Em and i have both come (again) to this understanding that for now we are very likely meant to be single and devoted first and foremost to God, i have come to realize that i could never provide for a wife. as it is now, i can barely sustain myself and with all the costs i am finding in my journey to Africa, i think i will be nearly completely broke upon my return.
i have developed a great admiration of Brother Andrew, who brought strength to so many members of the underground church--and likely still does. in reading his autobiographical book entitled "God's Smuggler" (and known to a newer generation as "The Narrow Road"), i have often wished to have been serving alongside him in the most dangerous places beyond the Iron Curtain.
he eventually married, though he worked in a lonely state for so long that he feared he would remain single his whole life.i pray for a wife (got someone in mind). but, most importantly, i pray for God's best. and i pray for peace and strength to endure it if he grants me himself as my only Love.
i want to be either like Elijah the prophet, or Brother Andrew the Bible smuggler and preacher. i have faith that God will give me what i need for the journey. whether that is simply partners and comrades or, most fondly, a wife... is up to him.
God of grace and God of glory... i trust you and i pray for your will.
1 comment:
o my gosh honey! i love that picture!!!!!!! it's SOOOOOOOO cool! i think i might print it off!!!!!!!!
anyway...that entry you wrote is really cool. i think it's entirely appropriate, but extremely hard.
your writings are so inspiring.
i miss you
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