An adventure around the world or depression in the classroom: A third way.

I've been in an interesting place lately. Like the kind of interesting that spawns from possibilities that seem to stretch beyond one's wildest dreams!

I have a number of possible courses of action to pursue this year.

1. Go to Perth, Australia and work and study at the YWAM (Youth With A Mission) base there for about two years, taking part in a Basic Leadership School and possibly going on outreaches and being a part of ministry within the base's leadership and Christ-centered agenda.

2. Go to Purdue University and carry on my studies as a Political Studies major with minors in German and in Religious Studies.

or...

3. Stay in Lafayette, not necessarily attending Purdue, while working and move into a low-cost apartment in a nearby neighborhood that struggles with poverty and crime, and hang out with kids in the neighborhood, potentially opening doors for a fellowship and community Bible study with people of all ages, and attach the ministry to my church here in Lafayette.

4. Study at Purdue for the fall and spring semesters, save up money to go to Perth to work on staff for the summer next year, and learn the ropes of the base, and consider the BLS (Basic Leadership School) after finishing up my degree.

5. Regardless of where I go, I'll also have the capacity to continue working for the Not For Sale Campaign [to combat human trafficking], since I'm the Deputy State Director here in Indiana, and NFSC will be hosting a seminar at the Perth base later this month, and thus might end up more heavily involved with ministry and practical outreach at the Perth base, or in Australia in general.


The thing is, if I take on either of the first two options, it's possible the opposite will follow in due time, shortly after whichever I do first. And the third and fourth ideas could both also work with the second plan, of attending classes.

I have a lot of my personal demons to fight off before I can be relatively comfortable with jumping into any more involved ministry of any kind. I intend to spend much of my summer walking with The Rabbi and intensely delving into God's word, attempting to fight off some of my deepest rooted sins and learning to act justly, love mercy, and to walk humbly with my God, my beautiful Adonai.

Friends, family, and loved ones, I pray for your guidance, prayers, thoughts, encouragement, advice, and suggestions as I try to seek out what is best and right for my next step in life.

Shalom.

i am

i am the Black Militant.
i am the Muslim Extremist.
i am the Illegal Alien.
i am the Welfare Slacker.
i am the St. Claire Gang Banger.
i am the South Side Whore.
i am the Tattooed Convict.
i am the Sleazy Pimp.
i am the Drug Dealer.
i am the one you throw your stereotypes on.
i am the minority you want to categorize.
i am the minority you fear.
i am the minority you rule.
i am the minority you monopolize.
i am all of these and none of these.



sadly, i am white.
i am just like you.
i am just like you as any one of these.
i am just like you when not one of these.
you don't see it the right way.
you don't see the similarity in our differences.
all you want is our deference.
because you're in power.

i am Troy Davis.
i am Timothy McVeigh.
i am John Brown.
i am Fred Ahmed Evans.
i am Eric Harris.
i am Dylan Klebold.

and thanks to you, i am out of luck.
and thanks to you, i am forced down.
i am oppressed.
i am where i am.

and i think you know who i blame.

identity in you?

they say i've got identity in you Jeshua, but they also say you don't love gay folks or black folks or Iraqi folks, that's why i don't think i want THAT identity, i know your justice is different from that of those that claim your name, but i can't handle it, i'm lost, unable to find just you, just you, simply you, where the hell are ya, i'm reaching out in every direction, to my friends, to my causes, joined NAACP SPUSA and one too many churches looking for me, not you just me, i got it wrong, and now i can't get it right.

how can you be so close and so far, how can i climb the highest mountain and somehow miss you, how can i seek justice the way i think you like it and never meet you in the streets, how can i be raised in the church only to founder at the age of 20, how can the church raise me and push me out of the nest, i don't really want church, i want community, i guess i was raised by one that has now morphed into counterfeit, counterfeit cash burns a different color, smoke traces give it away, put it to the test and it fails, see me hurting, no you don't, you're not looking, you're the counterfeit.

i can't find my identity anymore, i don't know where to start, i'm lost in a foreign state, a fresh foreign state of mind, i don't want a lot of readers i want the right ones, i want those i can read with weep with write with smoke cigars and drink with, all that in fellowship with the Rabbi, where did the Rabbi go that no one can show me what he looks like anymore?

a sip of peach tea i find refreshing, i watched a confusing movie today, wish i were home, wish i were at bcc even though i know i've outgrown it their too, not all change is bad but all change hurts sure as hell, i hate this limbo this extraordinary maze, where are you taking me you devilish white rabbit, you're such a pain to me right now, i really am in pain, can't you tell, stop running me in circles and stop for a second won't you, i need peace, i need restoration, i need community, i need identity.

but identity's gone, jumped the gun as i jumped off the wagon, joined a new caravan called college again, they say it'll make me smarter, what if cigars i've never tried are all that i want, what do you say to that you pristine white-washed vanities of vacancy of vision, invest in someone won't you, invest in a man in need of a heart transplant and stop shoving me those bandaids damnit!

God, sweet sweet God, i want what you give, what you have given, what you always give me, i guess i lost it somewhere along the way, did i deny it or have it robbed from me, only a few remotely understand me and that number diminishes, i know i'm not alone but i see so few who are fighting for what i'm fighting for, i'll continue to pray with her, it's been a while since that act, i miss our prayers every night, her sweet soft voice saying amen and good night, i miss knowing she was with me on it, but i stopped praying with her each night and i blame me alone, i am the cause of my problems, i want to come back, but i don't even know which way to go!

i had another chance to find communion tonight, but like so many beyond the walls of the "church" i refused the chance, gave myself an excuse, i've been hurt so many times as i've sought companionship in you Rabbi, don't make me try it again in the wrong place, i'll join the ranks of the gas station guy, he with his beautiful broken eyes, he and i the same are crippled and killed by the christian church, i find more peace with him than i have in a "church building" in a year or so now.

i don't know what i did but i have become your judas.

LAISSEZ FAIRE: Dedicated to the uninsured 47 million Americans.

Laissez Faire


generally adored
this system fortunato
rarely abhored
maker of the ghetto

in a country hailed
by three hundred million hearts
covered if failed
with doctored charts

we hide the effects
defy the attacks
coming from rejects
lost with no chance


highest bidder, step up!
fight for your cash
and trample the Gallop
see? ain't no backlash!

we keep 'em down n' broke
what they got to take?
might be the stroke
or backyard snake

build my empire on your back
you slave, slave away for me
i cut your paycheck
damnit, don't cry when you bleed!

you're gonna stain my Persian
walk out of here and stay
i give you compensation
to keep the Wobblies at bay

don't try to organize
put those chains back on!
when you gonna realize
life ain't fair to a peon!


we switch it up now, boss
we take back the mic
you gonna hafta cut your loss
or we goin' on strike!

don't tell us what to do
we know what's ours to claim
and we gonna take it, too!
you didn't listen--damn shame

we want healthcare--swear it!
you've killed too many
we're gonna live--declare it!
no more big money


i'm gonna tell my kids to come
what corporations got wrong
tell 'em what is good n' done
apologize it took so long

you can have your competition
just don't shoot craps with strife
wheel n' deal to bold fruition
but give us liberty n' life!


--

pax.

Loophole Legislation (that makes me want to use strong language)

I was reading about something last night that successfully pissed me off and nearly sent me into an outrage!
the downside of this well-meaning outrage was that there's really no longer anyone alive responsible for it and it's results that i could do any damage to.

so i let the initial reactionary feelings rest.

but the idea started working on me and i started writing something down last night...

first, here's what i was reading about. maybe for some of my readers this is a familiar old term:

The Pupil Placement Law.

1954--Brown v. Board of Education--Segregation outlawed because nothing can ever really be "separate but equal."

here's what the famed brother, Dr. King, had to say about it,

"There was another factor in the slow pace of progress, a factor of which few are aware and even fewer understand. It is an unadvertised fact that soon after the 1954 decision the Supreme Court retreated from its own position by giving approval to the Pupil Placement Law. This law permitted the states themselves to determine where school children might be placed by virtue of family background, special ability and other subjective criteria. The Pupil Placement Law was almost as far-reaching in modifying and limiting the integration of schools as the original decision had been in attempting to eliminate segregation. Without technically reversing itself, the Court had granted legal sanction to tokenism and thereby guaranteed that segregation, in substance, would last for an indefinite period, though formally it was illegal."
---Martin Luther King, Jr., Why We Can't Wait

this is the part of the book at which i immediately yelled out my favourite expletive... probably more than once. it's a good thing i was in a pretty much empty campus parking lot (although ironically 10 minutes beforehand a campus police cruiser had driven up behind me, probably smelling for pot smoke, since i generally dress the perfect part of the druggie hippie).

i think i stood up and threw my hands in the air in exasperation and swore some more, beginning to pace, FURIOUS.

sadly of course, i can't REALLY blame all whites for that. as much as i wanted so badly to do so. at that moment i know i would have offered some very choice words to those Supreme Court Justices if they had somehow shown their face on my campus. and i probably would have been so vocal that that squad car that sniffed me would be back in a flash to lock me up for "disturbing the peace".

and to think that allowing segregation to continue, when they did, wasn't an act of gregariously disturbing the peace!

finally realizing there was nothing i could do to change the past, i pulled out a notebook from my satchel on the curb, took a swig from my water bottle and pulled my pen out of my pocket, leaning against a small tree to begin writing something i'm surprised i can still read, for my hands were shaking with anger as the ink flowed...

"Loophole Legislation--9.8.08

Words like 'as best seen fit' are Bull. if the president/congress/or powers that be promise financial aif to a region or country in need of reconstructionary funding, then nowhere in the written promisory note can ambiguous wording, such as that often used for the betterment of the U.S. Constitution, be applied. If it is, there is a negative legislative loophole.

If not, there is a good loophole in the system based on greed, and said moneys may actually make it into greater manifestation among the people for whom it is intended."

as i finished writing last night, i recalled to memory a scene from the film Amazing Grace, in which the abolitionists in the British Parliament drafted a simple law that endangered British sailing vessels as they tried to hide under the neutral flag of the colonies, as those particular vessels carried slaves from Africa to the Isles. if suddenly all ships in those waters bearing the flag of the colonies could become fair game, then the slave trade would be greatly hindered for too many sailors and captains would be too afraid to make that journey knowing they were suddenly viable targets for enemy warships.

if there can be a good piece of loophole legislation like that, then there's certainly something that can be done today to look out for the interests of the masses and the oppressed. the problem is that today there's probably some way to pay closer attention and with a federal system in place, relying also on the permissions of a presidential and executive voice, then it's a lot harder to pass legislation so quickly that could truly benefit those already downtrodden by the law.

anyone have any ideas on this? what if i could actually get my readership to come forward and comment in larger numbers and assist me in the struggle to find a way to pass a protectorate law WITHOUT ambiguous wording...

will anyone please help me?

my father said something in church last week about how so many church-goers complain about change in the church and want things to be done the same old way. he then said that so many get so frustrated and upset about change occurring within a church body, and said that he holds out on giving this response one-on-one, but went ahead and said to the larger group:

"if you're going to get upset about something, let's get upset about AIDS in Africa, starving children or the situation in Darfur. Let's make it about something that matters for crying out loud!"

on that note, i ask you:

will you stand up and not get pissed about the words i use to describe things that i hate, to describe injustice that is unfit for human witness! these stronger words should mean nothing to you in comparison with the greater evils i'm telling you about!

stand against racism
stand against hate
stand against poverty
stand against slavery
stand against apartheid
stand against injustice!

i wish the unrest of God's spirit to be upon you until you take action.
may peace flee from your heart until peace and rest are gained for the world.
--BENEDICTION--