the half door and the whole new promise!

My new dear friend and comrade named Emily was the half door. The most desperately confusing of my dilemmas was how to hang onto a good friendship with her, in spite of a growing attraction to her that I sensed in myself.

Yesterday, I told her flat out what the issues were within myself. We both feel really good about not trying a romantic relationship or anything of the sort. Friends-with-benefits is also out of the question! We are in fact quite content with simply being there for each other. I need her and I think she needs me.

Today she gave me a book, hiked with me, and let me break through her mask.

DC Talk wrote a book in 2001 called “Live Like a Jesus Freak”, as a companion to their previous book(s) about Jesus Freaks around the world. We’ve been talking a lot in recent days about what it will mean to really live for/like Jesus in our future- and present-tense selfs.

We have talked about Africa, college (and the idea of the lack-thereof), the reality of death and martyrdom for something real, the excitement of having no plans, the possibility of disappearance in order to actually accomplish things, the socio-economic (as well as the natural) stance of Phoenix, Arizona… and just about everything you never hear normal college kids talk about.

We talked about being real and intense and we both agree that we’ve finally met someone as crazy as ourselves! ☺ For we are quite few and far between.

We talked about the Native American reservations, Thailand, Mexico, Tanzania, China, Panama, and Uganda. We talked about how gross suburbs and developments are, and how all they ever do is give birth to themselves (the kind of stable environment that will die out when a new visitor or intruder is introduced). We talked about hating life here in its fakeness and apathy.

We even each tried a taste of some random plant I thought was a mint leaf until I put it in my mouth and thought it might be poison ivy, but thankfully she (being a wannabe Native American!) confirmed for me it is not!

Finally I am breaking out of this place and I am remembering who I exist for, and who I want to exist with. If I live my whole life in steady communication with people like Emily, I have a vague feeling that I should be doing just fine.

This really long blog is an attempt to give Em a shout-out and state that I have re-entered God’s arms for the millionth time in the past year, and maybe with the help of this book she’s given me, I’ll never be truly homesick again.

Thanks, Em.


Peace of Adonai be with you all.