my dad, spiderman, don cheadle, derek webb, evon christian, krissi bernd, the fraser women, punjabican, Jesus...

all my mentors (yes, spiderman currently counts as a temporary mentor :) ) are urging me to do what is right, to fight the good fight and above all-- to do it non-violently.

i am listening to them. i am completely understanding them.

i am relating to them:

"you know the tree by the fruit
just between me and you
i never do what i want
i do what i'm taught
and i've been learning a lot
about the violence i'm capable of"
-Derek Webb, "I Don't Want to Fight"

"Lately things have been going my way. But I have this bad feeling. This darkness I've discovered has a power far greater than anything I could have imagined. It's... intoxicating."
-Spiderman, "Spiderman 3" trailer

and i thought i was learning from them. but somehow i keep seeing violence as some actual frickin plausible mode of change.

"if you beat them at their own game, then you've already lost."
-Evon Christian

i have this concept of doing a lot of good in Africa in a short period of time, and a feeling that i'm gonna die young, lookin down the barrel of a gun i'll think i'd buried long before.

"even if you think there's all this glory in dying for a cause, think about what you'll do to everyone else."
-Stacey Littlefield, my father, my accountability, and my only superhero

i've been wrestling with the possibility of taking up arms in a defensive militia in Africa, with a group of comrades hell-bent of defending the innocent by becoming guilty in their stead. that's what sucks.

"every hero has a dark side." (Asher's translation: "every [human] has a dark side.")
-Spiderman 3 game advert.

i've become aware of my own violence and dangerous capabilities again.

i'm in agreement with no one, especially not God. especially not myself.

so maybe i will die early. maybe i'll be gone in 10 years like my premonition. maybe i'll never get married, maybe i'll live life on the run, but i pray i never have to f*****g take the life of one of my brothers! it is not my right. i am not a killer.

"so i'm walking away from this
before i hurt someone
'cause i'm facing enemies
on both sides of the gun"

and whether you believe he is who he said he was, you've gotta understand the gist of what he said, at least in this one case:

"...let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!"
-Jesus, John 8.7

pax, brothers and sisters.

and for Pete's sake help me out here! besides,
"it takes a village to raise a child".... no idea who said it, but it's true!