not good enough. period.

i looked at Amnesty International's page today, and i'm presently sitting in front of a computer screen in Ngaramtoni, about 10 or 15 minutes west of Arusha, Tanzania.

i am reading a report on Mogadishu, Somalia. (which means if i'd hop two borders i'd be there!) it's dated July 22, 2007.

it's the latest report i can find from Amnesty.

i love Amnesty, i'm a member, and have been for almost a year or so. i've worked with them on Darfur, and i hope to continue my work again as soon as i get stateside in ten days.

i love them, but something's wrong if i can't get public access to a report on Somalia's situation that isn't nearly six months old. especially on Somalia, probably the country that would need a "status update" every three or four months. or weeks.

in the "What You Can Do" menu at the top of the page, i am instructed that i have these options:
"Act Locally"
"Take Action Online"
"Activist Toolkit"
"Member Center"
"Join US"
"Donate"
"Shop Amnesty"

that's not good enough. not for me. shouldn't be enough for anyone.
period.

in four years i should be there. i still don't know exactly what group will carry me into the Mogadishu airport, but i'm almost dead certain i'm going.

with all this fire burnin in me, all i can say is:

Lock. And. Load.

-a really controversial political/ecclesiastical blog on Hillary Clinton-

Hitler.
Stalin.
Mao.

Communist China.
Soviet USSR.
NAZI Germany.
Sharia Saudi Arabia.

Disappearances.
Firing Squads.
Hangings.
Arrests.
Public Executions.

...or simply slander.

all these people, places, and things are closely correlated, in collected memory and common knowledge, with the reality of vast persecution. the very last (and seemingly least) on this list, is rarely measured as the same caliber.

but maybe that's all the persecution Jesus and his roving bands will get if Hillary is elected next year.

the Church is (or was) strong under all the regimes listed, in their respective locations. what if the Church would grow if it realized that Christendom didn't have a monopoly on the grand establishment of 'American Government'? ("Hail the con-qu'ring HE-ROOOO!!!" *trumpet blast*)

i wanted to vote for Barack Obama.
(even though he spoke of invading Pakistan)
i wanted to vote for Sam Brownback.
(even though he seems to have a beef against gay people)
i wanted to vote for Ron Paul.
(even though he seems to have no mercy on illegal immigrants)
i wanted to vote for Morgan Freeman.
(even though a great African American like him only stands a chance in 'Deep Impact')
i even wanted to vote for Jesus Christ.
(but Mom told me that would probably be a waste unless His second coming is inauguration day, 2009)

but, no... out of nowhere, while pondering the increasingly over-Christianite right-wing political climate of the U.S. ... God throws me a curveball, and puts a brand new name into this young voter's head.

yeah... hers.

Hillary Clinton.

i'm so confused. but i think maybe she'll have my vote.

i want to clarify this... somehow.

growing up, i was raised in a relatively conservative Christian home. i've had really close friends raised in very strict homes of the like. many of those friends have turned their backs on their old "faith" since it was more of a force-fed, indoctrinated religion. i stated once in a youth group setting, a few years back, that my biggest feared is an entirely Christian-run world. frankly, as i begin to understand american politics, that holds true more fervently than ever. i don't want to live in a Christian nation, just as i don't want to live in an atheist nation (like the former government in Albania), or under Sharia (Qur'an) Law, like Saudi Arabia and Afghanistan, and the northern half of Nigeria.

i can't see any of those places truly benefiting the heart the citizens have for their God (or lack there-of).

Jesus did not overthrow Roman occupation in Israel. Rather, Jesus did attack Pharisee religious leaders on nearly a daily basis.

Jesus attacked religious rulership because it left the Pharisees devoid of love for their beautiful Adonai!

i have a friend attending classes at Liberty University in Lynchburg, Virginia. she's recently written that she misses God. the late Jerry Falwell has set up his school in so distinctly a Christian frame that men and women stay on opposite ends of campus, and on only one day a year is any member of the opposite sex (aside from immediate family, hopefully) allowed into your dorm room, as a sort of 'Open House'. God is everywhere on that campus, and seemingly nowhere in the hearts of some of its students.

my friend misses God, on a Christian college campus in the Bible Belt of the USofA!

people say they’ll leave the country if Hillary’s elected. who knows, maybe she’ll deport half of us anyway... i know so little of her politics--except that she’s a caricature of the devil to so many right-wing Christians.

i think i’d rather leave a country under the rulership of Pharisees than abandon the strong and the few faithful, under Nero.

“So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law.” -Paul’s letter to the members of the Church in Galatia, chapter 5: verse 1

if we are free to choose, will we not choose the Truth?

PAX (ROMANA)

they say...

they say that when the last thing in the world you want to do is write, that is exactly what you have to do.

frankly, i'm so tired and bored, and completely out of pace with deep thoughts at the moment, and my fingers are in no mood to contribute to society that the only thing i can think of is the fact that i've hurt people recently, and i'm going to do it again.

there's really no way to avoid it.

i am called to discipleship, and it is a very costly thing. my old life has passed and though great memories remain, i know that when i finally do return to the states, nothing will ever be the same.

my hand is at the plow, i cannot look back.

God is calling me to rise up and give what i must to the simple phrase, "follow me."

and in so doing, or attempting to do, i've greatly hurt a number of people. some have voiced this hurt, while others leave it to be read between the lines of their words to me.

frankly, i know my apology can't cover the pain that certain people will feel because of this. for that reason, i simply seek forgiveness, scattering the seeds across the earth, some falling on good soil, ready to accept my apology, others falling on the cold, hard pavement. pavement so unforgiving i'd crack my skull were i to trip onto it.

the best i can offer is that i am mostly happy where i'm at now. God has opened up so many doors for me, of various kinds, and he's challenging me to walk worthy of his calling. worthy of him.

so i take the first steps out in faith and hope he gives me a new step before my foot slips through and causes me to fall a long way down. but he's always provided that foothold in the past, and i believe in it now more than i ever did before Africa.

here, i realize what true faith is. what true love is. what true patience is. what true learning is.

and in almost everything i've been unprepared. c'est la vie.
but that's the training of it. the beauty of it.

"consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverence. perseverence must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." -James 1.2-3

please forgive me, my dear dear brothers and sisters. some of you may find it very easy to continue through life's journey with me even now that i'm undergoing change. while probably many more of you will not be able to accept my changes.

i'm at the point where i am leaving myself back in Indiana and Ohio, and Kentucky, and coming here, willing to be re-born, willing to run the gauntlet, so that i may simply be seen as His. it's all i've got. and i'm glad of it. in my weaknesses, He will be strongly seen. in my failures, achievements beyond human capability will be witnessed.

and perhaps, as i believe he has revealed to me, Bibles will get into the hands of those who desire one. whether conventionally or unconventionally.

i pray you understand. i thank those of you who do, and i can't explain it more to those who don't. this is just what has come to pass.

i have heard the call, and now i must answer.
Amen.

Salaams, brothers and sisters.

"Missionary Consecration" -before

It is Sunday, September 2nd, 2007. On Friday, September 7th, 2007, in the mid-morning, i will begin a day's worth of flights that will carry me from my last breaths in this country for the rest of this year.

It is 10.24 am. in about an hour, i'm going to be prayed over and "consecrated" at the church i attend in Lafayette, Indiana.

I am going to Africa, by God's grace and what is hopefully God's will.

I have gone through Hell in order to serve Heaven. emotionally. spiritually. mentally. financially. and even moreso emotionally.

but i am days away from slipping off my sandals and bowing to God to kiss the African sand in Arusha, Tanzania. whether or not i literally do all that, i'm not sure i'll have the guts to become a public spectacle! so, perhaps, i'll stick to just looking up and allowing God to take my breath away, as i step out of the airport, visa in hand.

i am setting out on a journey i have been living my whole life for, and one that will establish my temporary part in God's plan. i pray that more of my life is unravelled as i explore God and myself, and my brothers and sisters in Arusha.

i believe God will use this period in my life to draw me completely to him, so that i may be wholy his.

i believe he's already started that.

i am going to be ripped apart.

i am going to be torn.

i am going to be humbled, i pray.

i am going to be nothing but God's.

"When Christ calls a man, he bids him, come and die." -Bonhoeffer.

"He must become greater, i must become less." -John 3.30

i have always accepted the former, and never really understood the latter. but they coincide so much. this is where i must be fully accepting of God's will.

frankly, if he tells me that he wants me to stay on in Arusha, with YWAM, or to move somewhere else within Africa, i will not argue, and i will go ahead and do so. i aim to do as God asks. my Adonai, my King. it is he whom i must know.

when i learn the character of Christ, i will learn in whole, what God would have me do.

therefore, brothers and sisters. i become less. i tear down myself and i leave this country. possibly never to come back, if it is God's will.

pray for me. pray with me. i will pray for you. i will pray with you.

Peace of the Lord be with you all. PAX DOMINI.
amen.

Dr. King

in Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s last words to the people he served and served with, we find a calling for a better world:

"Like anybody, I'd like to live a long life. But longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now, I just want to do God's will. And He's allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I've looked over, and I've SEEN the promised land! I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we as a people, will GET to the promised land. And I'm happy tonight, I'm not worried about ANYTHING. I'm not fearing ANY MAN. 'Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord.'"

This is where i am now. on the verge of leaping into a sea of living breath, my brothers and sisters in Africa.

i am terrified. i am clueless. i am unaware of the reality i will face.
i am willing, ready, and going.

love and peace or else!

i am going into this Heavy World in order to lift it from the darkness, if i can.
"i'm gonna kick the darkness till it bleeds daylight!"