why, oh why does the bluebird sing?

if you see a bluebird singing, and you ask him why he is, he ought to have a good reason for stringing together a song.

if he doesn't have a good reason, then you may politely ask him to be quiet.

if he doesn't take a hint, just tell him to shut up and sit down.

if he still doesn't abide... cuff 'im.
and then he'll have to come up with a good defense for court.
....
if you see or hear me making a lot of noise and standing firmly on something, and you ask me why i feel as i do, i ought to have a good reason for roping together my slogans and outcries.

if i don't have a good foundation, then you may politely ask me to be quiet.

hopefully i will.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, i kindly request that you challenge me to know why i believe and say the things which i believe and say.

i will tell you i believe in a God of love, because i am in love with him.
i will tell you i believe in a world of suffering, and i probably don't need to point to all the evidence--we see and feel it every day.
i will tell you i believe in justice, because without it, somebody would've already pulled the trigger of the pistol pointed at my head.
i will tell you i believe in Jesus, because without him being a servant would have no rewards--and i would not personally like being on the floor, washing your feet.
i will tell you i believe in evolution, because there's a fossil record to back it up, and such beauty and ingenuity in the designs that span the eras that we would be cheating God to say humanity was the first on his canvas.
i will tell you i believe in a God of love, because we humans have been created in his image, a specific design set apart from everything else on the fossil record--beginning with the Old Man (Adam) and culminating in the New Man (Jesus, Son of David)--that we may have love and compassion for our neighbors (and even our enemies)... that we may grow closer to one another, and, most importantly, to him.

i will tell you this because this is one thing i must stand for, and i beg you never to make me sit down and shut up about.

i would prefer, without a doubt, with every ounce of devotion, humility, and eagerness to be no greater than my master (Matthew 10.24b), that you see that i will not abide, and that you cuff me.

you have no choice...

"...Peter was hurt that Jesus asked the question a third time. He said, "Lord, you know everything. You know that I love you."
Jesus said, "Then feed my sheep. (John 21.17b NLT) Verily, verily, I say unto thee, When thou wast young, thou girdest thyself, and walkedst whither thou wouldest: but when thou shalt be old, thou shalt stretch forth thy hands, and another shall gird thee, and carry thee whither thou wouldest not." (John 21.18 KJV)

...another shall gird me, and carry me whither i wouldest not.

Luke 2.10-- a letter to my parents yesterday

Mom, Dad,

...you're never going to believe this!

I should have first recognized the confirmation as i was speaking with Munishi about the Bibles for Edward and his family. As soon as i mentioned them to him, he jumped at the chance to help me find a need to fill. It wasn't long before he'd helped me once and had offered his help for the future.

this story all tied itself together today!

i am CERTAIN this is God's next step for me!

This morning, as i was working on my journal, i was finding clippings from my magazines to illustrate the topic of last sunday's service. Vera, our temp. base leader, whom i've already mentioned in several places, preached from Psalm 90.10-12, about "living a life of impact." as i gathered thoughts to fill that page in my journal, i began to relate it to my possible calling. i wanted to create a picture, a collage of several small pictures illustrating my role in the world. i took a small picture of a globe, stuck it onto a stretch of mountainous road from a Honda ad in WIRED, and put a running, jumping man's sillhouette at the other end of the road. the only thing missing was a picture of a Bible. i surprisingly couldn't find a single picture of a Bible in the whole of the Relevant magazine, sadly lol! but i remembered my friend Joyce's little tract she'd been clipping things out of. i went to her just in time and cut out the last little picture of the Bible in the whole tract. it was open and the pages looked more-or-less blank, so i went ahead and decided to write something on the pages. a verse that would fit really well. the first thing that popped into my head was the story in Luke where the Angel says "i bring you great news of great joy" or something like it. all i really wanted was the part that was the angel's message, not the part saying "the angel said...", since i don't really count myself an angel lol! i searched for that verse and found it.

I wrote the reference across the picture of the Bible.

Luke 2:10.

I went to town today and forgot about my journal for the most part, and almost bought another Bible, the English Standaard Version (the one used in SBS) in town, but didn't have enough money. i had also wanted to buy another swahili Bible or two if i'd found i had enough money for it, but as you know... i'm nearly broke!

so, i'd let it go until i'd gotten back and Edward was in the kitchen tonight after dinner when i took my plate and fork in, to wash them. as i washed next to him, he asked me if i had any other Bibles. i told him i didn't but i could get them. I'm sure God will provide the money for them. he told me there are 14 people in Masailand who need Bibles and he's already got 8 of them. I told him this is exactly what i'd hoped would happen after giving him those Bibles, that i'd learn more and more about getting Bibles to people. he was impressed and very pleased with that reaction. i was pumped after this reminder from God. so i just went straight to the dorm, and told several of my brothers in there that we need 6 Swahili Bibles by Thursday. they said they'd be glad to help pay. Thank God! they asked the price and stuff and all that jazz, and then i headed out, after finding the bag that Tyris had carried today, which had my Bible in it, and headed across the courtyard for the classroom, and i started looking around the room to see how many Bibles there were among us. i saw my copy of "The Message" sitting on my desk, near Derek's spot.

"hmm, Derek wanted this, might as well give it to him now." so i pulled out that bookmark the Kennedys sent us from the Chinese underground Church, wanting to put it into my NLT and left the Bible in Derek's place. as i glanced at the book mark yet again, i recognized the picture of the angel speaking to the shepherds from that story at the beginning of Luke. i suddenly remembered, for the first time since i'd written that reference, what i'd been thinking about this morning.

i was overwhelmed with curiosity about the actual verse in Luke that occuppied the bookmark...

five minutes later i was on google, searched "Chinese Bible", clicked on the first link and skipped to Luke 2.10, and compared the images with those of the bookmark. they matched letter-for-letter! the interesting thing was that they had left out the first part of the verse, saying "the Angel said...", just as i'd been thinking about it!

HOLY CRAP!!!!! i can't think it's anything less than God... no coincidence could ever be this great! i had no reason to think of those words this morning, save for that they were the first words to enter my head as i tried to think of a message for the persecuted Church.

Mom, Dad, ...do you believe it?!

I truly believe God had confirmed it now. first through Munishi. then through Edward. and now even through another scripture!

Praise God! please do Praise God! i really can't think of anything else to do!

frankly, i'm gonna go find out how we can scrape together enough money to buy 6 Bibles... the smallest, cheapest ones i know of are 7,000 each. that means (shoot, maybe i shoulda stayed in my math class!) .... um.... er.... um.... 42, 000 shillings (thank you Andrea and Jeff, sitting right across from me in the computer room!)

God will provide! i have no doubt in my mind! i'm gonna go pray now! 6 people need Bibles by thursday... and i only have 1,500 Tsh! time to pray, Mom and Dad!

I love you all! have a wonderful day! write me back about this when you get the chance! and of course, you're still in my prayers!

Amen!
-asher

"Missionary Consecration" -before

It is Sunday, September 2nd, 2007. On Friday, September 7th, 2007, in the mid-morning, i will begin a day's worth of flights that will carry me from my last breaths in this country for the rest of this year.

It is 10.24 am. in about an hour, i'm going to be prayed over and "consecrated" at the church i attend in Lafayette, Indiana.

I am going to Africa, by God's grace and what is hopefully God's will.

I have gone through Hell in order to serve Heaven. emotionally. spiritually. mentally. financially. and even moreso emotionally.

but i am days away from slipping off my sandals and bowing to God to kiss the African sand in Arusha, Tanzania. whether or not i literally do all that, i'm not sure i'll have the guts to become a public spectacle! so, perhaps, i'll stick to just looking up and allowing God to take my breath away, as i step out of the airport, visa in hand.

i am setting out on a journey i have been living my whole life for, and one that will establish my temporary part in God's plan. i pray that more of my life is unravelled as i explore God and myself, and my brothers and sisters in Arusha.

i believe God will use this period in my life to draw me completely to him, so that i may be wholy his.

i believe he's already started that.

i am going to be ripped apart.

i am going to be torn.

i am going to be humbled, i pray.

i am going to be nothing but God's.

"When Christ calls a man, he bids him, come and die." -Bonhoeffer.

"He must become greater, i must become less." -John 3.30

i have always accepted the former, and never really understood the latter. but they coincide so much. this is where i must be fully accepting of God's will.

frankly, if he tells me that he wants me to stay on in Arusha, with YWAM, or to move somewhere else within Africa, i will not argue, and i will go ahead and do so. i aim to do as God asks. my Adonai, my King. it is he whom i must know.

when i learn the character of Christ, i will learn in whole, what God would have me do.

therefore, brothers and sisters. i become less. i tear down myself and i leave this country. possibly never to come back, if it is God's will.

pray for me. pray with me. i will pray for you. i will pray with you.

Peace of the Lord be with you all. PAX DOMINI.
amen.

the blister on my left heel and the presence of God

the blister on my left heel and the presence of God were two of the things that spurred me from this house tonight.
and two things that nearly got me arrested.
way to go america.

----

it is 12.47am on Sunday morning, the 26th of August, 2007. i leave for Tanzania in a little over 12 days.

so i have a lot of stuff to think and pray about.
so, naturally, as people do when they have a lot on their minds and hearts.
i took a walk. or, started to, rather.

barely six or seven houses down, and just as i'm rounding the corner to start my round about the block, a middle-aged couple drives by, pulls a U-ey at the intersection i'm turning at, and pulls up next to me.



(at the same time)
man: "hey. what are you doing?"
woman: "do you live in the neighborhood?"

me: "i'm walkin'."

(at the same time)
woman: "do you live in the neighborhood?"
man: "with a backpack?"

me: "yeah, just down at 4014."

man: "why are you walking?"

me: "because... i... want to."

man: "well, should we call somebody?"

me: "no, you don't need to."

(at the same time)
man: "well, someone walking around at... 12.40 at night, with a backpack and no shoes... i mean..."
woman: (under her breath) "maybe you should just go home."

me: "i'm kinda weird"

man: "yeah, i'll say."

(at the same time)
man: "you should just go home."
woman: (to her husband) "oh don't."

me: "you want me to just go home?"

man: "well, yeah, or i'm gonna call someone."

me: "okay..."


i turn around and walk back, cursing them under my breath.
just because i don't fit into the mold of standard suburbia, i'm thought of as a threat.
if anyone ever wondered what i can't stand about suburbia, this is just one example of what sucks about it. i can't take a walk, in which i'm not threatening to anyone at all, just because i look weird to them. nothing about what i'm wearing is terribly different except for the lack of shoes. apparently a back-pack on a student, in a college town, is a red flag of a terrorist, or even worse... a homeless person!

suburbia: "oh no! whatever shall we do?! i'm so frightened!"

me: "grow up."


me: "i can't wait to leave this country."

at least in Africa if someone stops me from walking at night, it'll actually be a legitimate concern.

i shoulda asked that couple why they were out driving so late.
but then again, they're normal, right, so driving around in the dark, in an un-lit vehicle, oh and that whole illegal U-turn thing, that's all perfectly acceptable at 12.40 at night. who knows what kinds of frickin explosives (or bodies) they could have had in the trunk.

since when was a single person more suspicious than a group travelling in an encased vehicle?



God get me outta here, and do us freaks a favor, please, and shatter the bubbles of 'normal' people. they're blind. make them see, please.

"as long as the matrix exists, the human race will never be free"

i am giving it all i've got.

i'll live off the land, and in the homes of friends and family.

i am relinquishing everything i think i know, and living for one promise.

one purpose.

to give God glory.

to know Jesus.

to serve my Father.

whether in pious poverty, or in wealthy suburbs, Jesus must be known... God must be served.

so far, all i know is no matter what happens to me down the line... i'll be eternally thankful that i did not take the blue pill.

"we can do no great things, only small things with great love." -Mother Theresa

but maybe these small things done in great love can inspire great things with many small people acting out of great love?
is it too hard to believe that perhaps God really has a reason for all of us to be united. ALL of us.

i am a part of the body. the body is sick. God must heal my cells, as i must encourage the rest of the body to heal and grow, as well.

it's hard to assemble everything in my head. i will not assume i know everything. but what i believe in, i will chase after. those whom i trust in, i will join the fight beside.
this Jesus guy revolutionized things because he loved.
i wanna do the same.



evil cannot stand.



because it would be standing on my shoulders if i did not cry out.
not on my watch. not on our watch.

UND3RGR0UND

I have been reading Brother Andrew's story, called 'God's Smuggler'.

he writes of the years he spent serving the Undergound Church behind the Iron Curtain.

he writes of the journeys he has made in times of extreme danger, surviving merely on extreme faith.

he writes of bringing Bibles to pastors in Russia who did not even have their own.

he writes of Bibles in such an important way that brings the Holy Bible such a new meaning to me.

i can no longer take my Bible for granted, knowing how rare it could be to find even one in countries where it is forbidden.

i am very very thankful for my Bible.

i have also realized that wherever there is something fake (like a state-sponsored church), then there is always a genuine underground (like the underground church).
i choose the underground, because i want what is real.
i choose the underground, because if i am arrested, it will be for something important.

Peace and Unrest be with you all, my brothers and sisters.

-Archer

white dinner dishes... and the joyous unknown

Last week, i spent time with Emily and her family (her parents, her sister, and her brother-in-law-to-be).

The conversation over a wonderful dinner of salad, egg-salad, corn on the cob (freshly shucked about the time i arrived at her house) and chicken--for them-- dwelt often upon the plans for the wedding and the banquet afterwords between Emily's sister Lauren and Nathan, an awesome guy i wish i could get to know better. At one point, as i zoned in and out of the conversation, since Em and i were enjoying a side-bar of silly remarks between the two of us, i found that the discussion had turned to the dinner dishes and the set of tableware to accompany. her mother and her sister decided that it was wise to stick with plain white or off-white plates, because they could go with any kind of food very easily and wouldn't be an eye-sore.

that is very true... a hot pink saucer doesn't exactly jive with chocolate pudding without looking vaguely bloody, i would imagine.

i became introverted at that point again since i often do when i realize my input would be a waste of breath seeing as how my expertise is not in the arts of interior design.

in case any of my readers haven't caught on yet, i am one of a small pool of largely unpopular critics when it comes to hating suburban life. as joyful as i am for the couple i'd only just met that night, i can't help but thinking that in the lifestyle i see myself called to, there is little need for an understanding of which color of plate will suit which delicious dinner combo.

my lifestyle choice: living poor among the poor, loving incarnationally as Jesus did, serving the marginalized in every society.

as this thought wanders into my brain yet again, this solemn Sunday evening, i wonder at the depth of my realization.

just as Em and i have both come (again) to this understanding that for now we are very likely meant to be single and devoted first and foremost to God, i have come to realize that i could never provide for a wife. as it is now, i can barely sustain myself and with all the costs i am finding in my journey to Africa, i think i will be nearly completely broke upon my return.

i have developed a great admiration of Brother Andrew, who brought strength to so many members of the underground church--and likely still does. in reading his autobiographical book entitled "God's Smuggler" (and known to a newer generation as "The Narrow Road"), i have often wished to have been serving alongside him in the most dangerous places beyond the Iron Curtain.

he eventually married, though he worked in a lonely state for so long that he feared he would remain single his whole life.

i pray for a wife (got someone in mind). but, most importantly, i pray for God's best. and i pray for peace and strength to endure it if he grants me himself as my only Love.

i want to be either like Elijah the prophet, or Brother Andrew the Bible smuggler and preacher. i have faith that God will give me what i need for the journey. whether that is simply partners and comrades or, most fondly, a wife... is up to him.

God of grace and God of glory... i trust you and i pray for your will.

singleness.

it's like the road that looks lonely, long, straight and narrow. the one i would never choose.

except that i've walked down the other road too many times before, and never felt absolutely at peace about it. this other one is beautiful, adorned with roses, lush pines and conifers of all shapes and sizes, the fragrance is intoxicatingly sweet and unforgettable.

but God doesn't seem to want me there.

Ireland is beautiful so far as i can tell in all the films and photographs. the roaring sea breeze tearing up the rock faces along the north sea. the grass as far as the eye can see. green, rolling hills, serenity at its epoch. I've wanted to live there ever since i first knew its name.

but God doesn't seem to want me there.

instead, God is calling me to begin my journey in his mission by chasing him all the way to Africa. to the shanty-towns. to the jungles, to the vast plains. to the church, both underground and on the hilltops.

in this way, from where i humbly sit now, both simpleness in Africa and singleness on this narrow road are my callings.

it helps so greatly that Emily and i share this notion of singleness as God's calling for us both. we talked about it last night and are both so much more at peace than i think we have been in a long time! so, la Vita a Bella! (about the only Italian i know)

where i go next is a complete mystery, i wait for God's word on these next agendas. i have no other choice. i am blessed with the assurance of God's constant presence, as well as that of several very close friends.