heat

the heat is on.
i feel idle once again.
i feel a waste of energy and knowledge.
i need to be out there.
gotta go fight.

the heat is on.

i picked up 'Not On Our Watch' again, after over a month. just in the mood for something political and activism-related. and now i feel more lost than ever.

missions is important, and not more or less important than justice, i believe. frankly, i think Jesus seemed to emphasize how we are to live more than what we are living for in the end. i could be wrong. but that's just the impression i get.

i feel idle once again.

i'm in Africa, but there's so little i can do. i can't give money since i'm so low on it myself. i can't write letters since letters across Africa rarely seem to make it where they're going (sent one to Dodoma, TZ, from here, and one to Capetown--two months ago. no reply.)

i miss lobbying with my colleague Bethany P. she and i were a good team. we hit two congresspersons from Ohio in one week, while thousands of other Amnesty activists were doing the same nation-wide. and that was back in March. i can't do anything like that here. in Darfur, people are still targets.

i feel a waste of energy and knowledge.

i learned a lot about Darfur and other issues like it, while working with Bethany in the spring. i've learned a lot while reading this book. i've learned a lot from peers and fellow passionate people.

i'm nearly consumed by the energy for this task. i'm at the point where i'm willing to pull out anything i can from companies my Roth IRA is invested in, if they're in any way connected to Sudan. i'll march straight up Capital Hill chanting if you give me a chance.

i need to be out there.

sitting here, with all this energy cooped up inside me, feeling so useless and yet so potent, i can think of only two solutions: either go to Khartoum personally, or likewise to D.C.

i need to be among the ranks of the marchers, the lobbyists, the mega-phone shouters and screamers, the political writers and journalists, the eager students and sacrificial soldiers. but i'm here, with an ever watchful eye for just such an opportunity.

gotta go fight.

standing at the edge of the cliff, what else is there to do. i've been backed into the corner by the indifference and ignorance around me. the people with the blank faces don't realize where i am, how close i am to the edge.

but now i've gotta take a stand, raise the banner, draw attention, raise awareness. shake things up. fight. things get dirty when people raise havoc. quiet is more destructive than loud protest. i gotta go join the fight.

Get into gear and make some noise.
-Archer

what i am coming to learn, and coming to love.

please read this article.

i am relatively unacquainted with the truth of suffering, of hopelessness.

i am a poor missionary student.
no stable bank account state-side.
the poorest of the westerners in this YWAM DTS in Arusha, Tanzania.
the one who's broken two hearts in one fell swoop--mine among the two.
the one who's defied everything about my old culture.
the one who can barely afford to be using this computer.
the one who can barely afford to call home.
the brother and son missing his family.
the brother missing his brother.
the brother missing his sister.
the brother missing his dog.
the one who cries the most.
the one who has mood swings.
the one who hurts most among the team of students.
the one who has just recently encountered personal hopelessness, and barely survived it.
the one aching for ancient voices, both human and otherwise.
the one who is at peace.
the one who writes too much, reads too much, thinks too much.
...but is still held and loved by God.

just read this article.

if you think you know suffering, this'll step on your toes, laugh at your ideas, and then lovingly give you a better idea of how to live, and how to look at life.

Amen.
Peace.
Love.
Joy.
Suffering.
to You.
Amen.

Luke 2.10-- a letter to my parents yesterday

Mom, Dad,

...you're never going to believe this!

I should have first recognized the confirmation as i was speaking with Munishi about the Bibles for Edward and his family. As soon as i mentioned them to him, he jumped at the chance to help me find a need to fill. It wasn't long before he'd helped me once and had offered his help for the future.

this story all tied itself together today!

i am CERTAIN this is God's next step for me!

This morning, as i was working on my journal, i was finding clippings from my magazines to illustrate the topic of last sunday's service. Vera, our temp. base leader, whom i've already mentioned in several places, preached from Psalm 90.10-12, about "living a life of impact." as i gathered thoughts to fill that page in my journal, i began to relate it to my possible calling. i wanted to create a picture, a collage of several small pictures illustrating my role in the world. i took a small picture of a globe, stuck it onto a stretch of mountainous road from a Honda ad in WIRED, and put a running, jumping man's sillhouette at the other end of the road. the only thing missing was a picture of a Bible. i surprisingly couldn't find a single picture of a Bible in the whole of the Relevant magazine, sadly lol! but i remembered my friend Joyce's little tract she'd been clipping things out of. i went to her just in time and cut out the last little picture of the Bible in the whole tract. it was open and the pages looked more-or-less blank, so i went ahead and decided to write something on the pages. a verse that would fit really well. the first thing that popped into my head was the story in Luke where the Angel says "i bring you great news of great joy" or something like it. all i really wanted was the part that was the angel's message, not the part saying "the angel said...", since i don't really count myself an angel lol! i searched for that verse and found it.

I wrote the reference across the picture of the Bible.

Luke 2:10.

I went to town today and forgot about my journal for the most part, and almost bought another Bible, the English Standaard Version (the one used in SBS) in town, but didn't have enough money. i had also wanted to buy another swahili Bible or two if i'd found i had enough money for it, but as you know... i'm nearly broke!

so, i'd let it go until i'd gotten back and Edward was in the kitchen tonight after dinner when i took my plate and fork in, to wash them. as i washed next to him, he asked me if i had any other Bibles. i told him i didn't but i could get them. I'm sure God will provide the money for them. he told me there are 14 people in Masailand who need Bibles and he's already got 8 of them. I told him this is exactly what i'd hoped would happen after giving him those Bibles, that i'd learn more and more about getting Bibles to people. he was impressed and very pleased with that reaction. i was pumped after this reminder from God. so i just went straight to the dorm, and told several of my brothers in there that we need 6 Swahili Bibles by Thursday. they said they'd be glad to help pay. Thank God! they asked the price and stuff and all that jazz, and then i headed out, after finding the bag that Tyris had carried today, which had my Bible in it, and headed across the courtyard for the classroom, and i started looking around the room to see how many Bibles there were among us. i saw my copy of "The Message" sitting on my desk, near Derek's spot.

"hmm, Derek wanted this, might as well give it to him now." so i pulled out that bookmark the Kennedys sent us from the Chinese underground Church, wanting to put it into my NLT and left the Bible in Derek's place. as i glanced at the book mark yet again, i recognized the picture of the angel speaking to the shepherds from that story at the beginning of Luke. i suddenly remembered, for the first time since i'd written that reference, what i'd been thinking about this morning.

i was overwhelmed with curiosity about the actual verse in Luke that occuppied the bookmark...

five minutes later i was on google, searched "Chinese Bible", clicked on the first link and skipped to Luke 2.10, and compared the images with those of the bookmark. they matched letter-for-letter! the interesting thing was that they had left out the first part of the verse, saying "the Angel said...", just as i'd been thinking about it!

HOLY CRAP!!!!! i can't think it's anything less than God... no coincidence could ever be this great! i had no reason to think of those words this morning, save for that they were the first words to enter my head as i tried to think of a message for the persecuted Church.

Mom, Dad, ...do you believe it?!

I truly believe God had confirmed it now. first through Munishi. then through Edward. and now even through another scripture!

Praise God! please do Praise God! i really can't think of anything else to do!

frankly, i'm gonna go find out how we can scrape together enough money to buy 6 Bibles... the smallest, cheapest ones i know of are 7,000 each. that means (shoot, maybe i shoulda stayed in my math class!) .... um.... er.... um.... 42, 000 shillings (thank you Andrea and Jeff, sitting right across from me in the computer room!)

God will provide! i have no doubt in my mind! i'm gonna go pray now! 6 people need Bibles by thursday... and i only have 1,500 Tsh! time to pray, Mom and Dad!

I love you all! have a wonderful day! write me back about this when you get the chance! and of course, you're still in my prayers!

Amen!
-asher

in Africa!

i'm in Africa, and i haven't blogged in 2 weeks! but here's a quick one to let everyone know im here and alive and well and loving Africa so much! i don't know when i'll get a chance to post again, but here's just to let you know i'd love to have some prayer! won't really tell you what for, but God will tell you if you seek him, especially in intercession! the team here is great and i already have a beautiful and strong connection with several people! God is good! Bwana Asifiwe!

by the way.... i feel like God may be asking me to stay here for a long time, so be praying for me in that! as it stands right now... i dont have any desire to return to the states!

my friend Patrick here has given me an African name, so that i may become as African as possible for a white boy!
i am now called Motoche! (in Swahili it means "Light"!)

i'm going to bed now! Bless you all!

Peace of Christ be with you, brothers and sisters!

Osicu mwema wada na waka!

"Missionary Consecration" -before

It is Sunday, September 2nd, 2007. On Friday, September 7th, 2007, in the mid-morning, i will begin a day's worth of flights that will carry me from my last breaths in this country for the rest of this year.

It is 10.24 am. in about an hour, i'm going to be prayed over and "consecrated" at the church i attend in Lafayette, Indiana.

I am going to Africa, by God's grace and what is hopefully God's will.

I have gone through Hell in order to serve Heaven. emotionally. spiritually. mentally. financially. and even moreso emotionally.

but i am days away from slipping off my sandals and bowing to God to kiss the African sand in Arusha, Tanzania. whether or not i literally do all that, i'm not sure i'll have the guts to become a public spectacle! so, perhaps, i'll stick to just looking up and allowing God to take my breath away, as i step out of the airport, visa in hand.

i am setting out on a journey i have been living my whole life for, and one that will establish my temporary part in God's plan. i pray that more of my life is unravelled as i explore God and myself, and my brothers and sisters in Arusha.

i believe God will use this period in my life to draw me completely to him, so that i may be wholy his.

i believe he's already started that.

i am going to be ripped apart.

i am going to be torn.

i am going to be humbled, i pray.

i am going to be nothing but God's.

"When Christ calls a man, he bids him, come and die." -Bonhoeffer.

"He must become greater, i must become less." -John 3.30

i have always accepted the former, and never really understood the latter. but they coincide so much. this is where i must be fully accepting of God's will.

frankly, if he tells me that he wants me to stay on in Arusha, with YWAM, or to move somewhere else within Africa, i will not argue, and i will go ahead and do so. i aim to do as God asks. my Adonai, my King. it is he whom i must know.

when i learn the character of Christ, i will learn in whole, what God would have me do.

therefore, brothers and sisters. i become less. i tear down myself and i leave this country. possibly never to come back, if it is God's will.

pray for me. pray with me. i will pray for you. i will pray with you.

Peace of the Lord be with you all. PAX DOMINI.
amen.

UND3RGR0UND

I have been reading Brother Andrew's story, called 'God's Smuggler'.

he writes of the years he spent serving the Undergound Church behind the Iron Curtain.

he writes of the journeys he has made in times of extreme danger, surviving merely on extreme faith.

he writes of bringing Bibles to pastors in Russia who did not even have their own.

he writes of Bibles in such an important way that brings the Holy Bible such a new meaning to me.

i can no longer take my Bible for granted, knowing how rare it could be to find even one in countries where it is forbidden.

i am very very thankful for my Bible.

i have also realized that wherever there is something fake (like a state-sponsored church), then there is always a genuine underground (like the underground church).
i choose the underground, because i want what is real.
i choose the underground, because if i am arrested, it will be for something important.

Peace and Unrest be with you all, my brothers and sisters.

-Archer

unpacking... and why i wish i were still in cleveland.

confusing cell phone service.
no wifi (except for something i'm filtering into my room from somewheres...)
no land-line.
no new friends.
no old friends.
no forever friends.

i know i sound really emo right now... but i don't really know exactly what i should be thinking like. it's pretty sucky right now, i can't lie.

i love sleeping on the floor, and i got to do that last night, so i totally wont complain about having no furniture yesterday and this morning.

i love exploring. i wouldnt mind the driving around, except that right now it just feels so frickin hollow.

the people i saw in my last days in cleveland are probably some of the only people i'll still be in touch with from here on out. it kinda sucks. there are a couple people i know i didnt see too recently, who i know i won't be forgetting or leaving behind.

i'm in Lafayette, Indiana now... living in a small development about ten years old or so. everything here is a development. and there was this one church building i saw this morning that seemed so far removed from the rest of the world, aside from its own little development which was attached.... and of course, impossible to navigate.

it was when i spent about 15 minutes looking at the map of the city on my sheet-less bed, surrounded by boxes i cant remember the exact contents of, looking at 4 walls that are way too girly looking, feeling a forlorn and yearning breeze blow in my one window, facing the rain-trough span of land next to our new "home", realizing i'll be gone as soon as i'm here, with nearly no friends to speak of... miles and miles away from my closest friends...... that's when it hit me.

i guess for now i keep fighting the tears as i think of my best friends, all at least a state away.

i thought i'd have a new friend here, but i can't help thinking she was only interested in a romantic relationship, and it seems she's drifted to the background already. of her accord, not mine.

and the only woman i could hug and hold for hours and hours may have to wait months and months to see me again.

i am lost. i seek the mission giver and the mission, because i dont know what else to do.

i send my love to you all, and some of you know you're loved better than others, and those who don't, i apologize.

go in peace. and seek after me if you want to. i could use the companionship.
PAX, brothers and sisters.

white dinner dishes... and the joyous unknown

Last week, i spent time with Emily and her family (her parents, her sister, and her brother-in-law-to-be).

The conversation over a wonderful dinner of salad, egg-salad, corn on the cob (freshly shucked about the time i arrived at her house) and chicken--for them-- dwelt often upon the plans for the wedding and the banquet afterwords between Emily's sister Lauren and Nathan, an awesome guy i wish i could get to know better. At one point, as i zoned in and out of the conversation, since Em and i were enjoying a side-bar of silly remarks between the two of us, i found that the discussion had turned to the dinner dishes and the set of tableware to accompany. her mother and her sister decided that it was wise to stick with plain white or off-white plates, because they could go with any kind of food very easily and wouldn't be an eye-sore.

that is very true... a hot pink saucer doesn't exactly jive with chocolate pudding without looking vaguely bloody, i would imagine.

i became introverted at that point again since i often do when i realize my input would be a waste of breath seeing as how my expertise is not in the arts of interior design.

in case any of my readers haven't caught on yet, i am one of a small pool of largely unpopular critics when it comes to hating suburban life. as joyful as i am for the couple i'd only just met that night, i can't help but thinking that in the lifestyle i see myself called to, there is little need for an understanding of which color of plate will suit which delicious dinner combo.

my lifestyle choice: living poor among the poor, loving incarnationally as Jesus did, serving the marginalized in every society.

as this thought wanders into my brain yet again, this solemn Sunday evening, i wonder at the depth of my realization.

just as Em and i have both come (again) to this understanding that for now we are very likely meant to be single and devoted first and foremost to God, i have come to realize that i could never provide for a wife. as it is now, i can barely sustain myself and with all the costs i am finding in my journey to Africa, i think i will be nearly completely broke upon my return.

i have developed a great admiration of Brother Andrew, who brought strength to so many members of the underground church--and likely still does. in reading his autobiographical book entitled "God's Smuggler" (and known to a newer generation as "The Narrow Road"), i have often wished to have been serving alongside him in the most dangerous places beyond the Iron Curtain.

he eventually married, though he worked in a lonely state for so long that he feared he would remain single his whole life.

i pray for a wife (got someone in mind). but, most importantly, i pray for God's best. and i pray for peace and strength to endure it if he grants me himself as my only Love.

i want to be either like Elijah the prophet, or Brother Andrew the Bible smuggler and preacher. i have faith that God will give me what i need for the journey. whether that is simply partners and comrades or, most fondly, a wife... is up to him.

God of grace and God of glory... i trust you and i pray for your will.

singleness.

it's like the road that looks lonely, long, straight and narrow. the one i would never choose.

except that i've walked down the other road too many times before, and never felt absolutely at peace about it. this other one is beautiful, adorned with roses, lush pines and conifers of all shapes and sizes, the fragrance is intoxicatingly sweet and unforgettable.

but God doesn't seem to want me there.

Ireland is beautiful so far as i can tell in all the films and photographs. the roaring sea breeze tearing up the rock faces along the north sea. the grass as far as the eye can see. green, rolling hills, serenity at its epoch. I've wanted to live there ever since i first knew its name.

but God doesn't seem to want me there.

instead, God is calling me to begin my journey in his mission by chasing him all the way to Africa. to the shanty-towns. to the jungles, to the vast plains. to the church, both underground and on the hilltops.

in this way, from where i humbly sit now, both simpleness in Africa and singleness on this narrow road are my callings.

it helps so greatly that Emily and i share this notion of singleness as God's calling for us both. we talked about it last night and are both so much more at peace than i think we have been in a long time! so, la Vita a Bella! (about the only Italian i know)

where i go next is a complete mystery, i wait for God's word on these next agendas. i have no other choice. i am blessed with the assurance of God's constant presence, as well as that of several very close friends.

z3r0

my bank account used to be relatively full. like, good enough for me. single, male 19-yr-old book lover who's not materialistic.

but today, in a couple blinks of an eye... credit card, phone, car insurance, and fender bender costs have nearly killed it.

i was a wreck about it earlier today.

the day after i find out YWAM accepts me to the September DTS, i lose whatever financial advantage i had.

the move is killing our family's finances, too. so, they're not really going to be able to support me entirely. i've got pretty close to $2,500 to $3,000 i've gotta raise. right now, look's like by sundown i'm gonna have less than $500 i can actually call my own. in one day i lose about $1,200.

my wastefulness is my sin. these are the wages of my sin. sort of. nice play on words, huh?

as much as i'm dumbfounded by my stupidity and sin, i am at peace with the likelihood that somehow God's still gonna carry me over to Africa. to YWAM. to Tanzania. to my brothers and sisters who will teach me how to be the man of God i will spend the rest of my life trying to be.

God is awesome. and never short of cash. amen.

just what i was asking for!

Ladies and Gentlemen,

i gave it all to God and asked for him to guide my movements. i was totally ready to give up everything for him and go after him in a way i saw as his will... and the night before the jump, my best friend and brother Alex gives me a call and after saying hello, asks, "hey... are you still looking for a way to get to Africa?"

AFH = Abstinence, Fidelity, Honor.

one of his friends, whom i've met, his mom is starting a grass-roots organization that is bent on serving the poorest of the poor in Africa with education about HIV/AIDS. they are called AFH. It's been in the workings for about a year now, he said. she's been to Africa two or three times, and is looking for passionate people to go with her to Africa one more time.

it is difficult to figure all of this out, as it includes Emily. for the longest time, we felt God calling us to be together (at least for now). as you can guess, it is difficult now to imagine how in the world we're still gonna have each other in this new challenge.

pray for us. before i fell in love with her, she was my best friend. and she still is, and now that this has hit her expectations harder than mine, i feel inadequate to help her. i pray the person with the right words can reach out to you now, my Treasure!

God, you know my heart, you know Em's, you know what we want and what we need and that we want to join the ranks of the "new friars" and be your Church and your example in all the world's worst settings. please keep us from failing you and dismissing our calling. amen.

Today is still likely going to drastically change my future. This is one of the first times in a long time i've actually been obedient enough to give it all up to God and let him direct me. grabbing my attention in the last hours of preparation for one step. now i've got to learn how to take this new step that's been offered.

sticky

i am not entirely broken anymore... or so i feel.
i'm vaguely put back together, and i'm waiting for the moment when i will finally obey the calling i feel on my life.
vaguely put back together, but the glue's still sticky and it slows me down in the days when i should be picking up speed.

but then again if i speed up too fast i might shatter all over again.

i'm going to Africa one way or another. it's a life of God's calling for me. a daily obedience is the only way to go.

Brother Andrew got to be a smuggler. and still is, i think. i wanna do what he did and does. i wanna stand motionless and fearless in the face of men and machines dominated by evil desires. i want them to be awakened to the reality that they don't run the show. i want to give hope to someone just as broken as me, to help glue them back together. another humpty-dumpty.

((i think i've heard it said that humpty dumpty was helped only by the King's MEN and the King's HORSES.... but what about the King, himself?))

maybe i can be the King's hands for someone behind bars, or maybe i'll be the one behind bars. maybe my execution's slated for sunrise, and my brother in the cell across from me... as we hold fast to a look between each others' eyes... maybe my brother gives me strength so my knees won't be feeble as i'm escorted to the blocks. maybe my brother and i share one last prayer, as the golden sun slips bitter-sweet through the slatted window over my head. maybe it's gonna be a relief from the gnawing hunger to breathe one last time that day. maybe in that last prayer, something in God's agenda comes along and boosts my brother out of his cell and he raises a church.

if all i ever do is make eye contact with my brother in the cell across from me and never see him (or anyone else) again, then i have faith that God will take care of the rest.

PAX DOMINI

nothing really all that sentimental... but kind of...

It's been over a week since i last wrote here, and for no apparent reason i am going to blog again, even though there's not much i can really think of passing on through here.

i am slowly strengthening my faith, and reading (very slowly and intermittently) the books of Job, Hosea, Isaiah, Proverbs, and i'm trying to start the book of Hebrews very soon.


Emily came over two days ago and our first "date" consisted of a long walk in the metroparks, stopping to rest on a log. we laid down, head to head, along the length of the fallen tree. i think i was stupid to lay down as i did, my head touching hers, as all the blood rushed to my head. she was the smart one who laid down so her head would be the upper-most part of her body! :) for me, it was the lower-most part of my body. i almost fainted when i tried to stand up!

the view from atop the log was beautiful... the sun was high and those little white fuzzies drifted through the trees like little angels, all moving in one direction with a wind i could not even detect. but still they sojourned steadily. except for that one really low-flying one that somehow caught my in the mouth. you know how that feels like you just bit the top of a dying dandelion. lots of spitting and flailing on my part after that :)

as we drove back home (just as we did on the way out to the park) we blasted some awesome music from a worship mix i'd made for her! it was stellar! some Superchic[k], some Aaron Shust, some Jimmy Needham, some Lost and Found... we've decided to go to an Acquire The Fire event together ASAP!!! which means that if i get to go to YWAM in Tanzania in September, my next shot at a nearby ATF is the late february tour date in Grand Rapids, MI! oh well. it'll be worth the wait!

there's something about the worship at ATF that's almost impossible to recreate anywhere else.... there's a nostalgic quality to it. maybe just because ATF and Global Expeditions are so responsible for who i am now... it rocks!

we came back to my house in time for dinner consisting of Papa Johns pizza and a scary movie haha!

one more thing and then i'll shut up for a while:
on Sunday night i met her parents more formally and went thru about the most rigorous "do you get to court my daughter?" session i'd ever been through (i actually enjoyed it!) i got caught up when they asked me about Covenant theology since it's pretty much what i've been raised in, so i don't really know too much of what's different, but yeah! the coolest thing was that her father asked me if there was any piece of scripture that really spoke to me recently.

and i actually had just stumbled into one the weekend before:
"Jesus sat down near the collection box in the Temple and watched as the crowds dropped in their money. Many rich people put in large amounts. Then a poor widow came and dropped in two small coins.
Jesus called his disciples to him and said, 'I tell you the truth, this poor widow has given more than all the others who are making contributions. For they gave a tiny part of their surplus, but she, poor as she is, has given everything she had to live on.'" -Mark 13.41-44

i'm drawn to it so much because it represents my struggle in this life. i have very little to give, especially financially, but i am willing to give all i've got to live on. God will provide.
(her dad was impressed ;p )
i think i passed the inspection!

"Right Here!"

listening to Out Of Eden's song "Soldiers" right now in a hotel in Indiana on vacation...

Emily's myspace page has a list of some of the sweetest frickin songs.... the problem is how frequently she changes them! :)
So, listening to their sweet, strong voices as they call on a new generation to rise up...

"all my people in the place
lookin good with style an' grace
but here's my question-listen clear-
where my soldiers at? right here!"

I guess i best be on my way... start risin up and callin out... makin sure i'm ready for a fight!

I'm coming into a very strong relationship with Adonai, and Emily is largely the one i must thank.
my dad's even noticed how much stronger my relationship with Jesus is.
i've even noticed that grace has taken a far greater hold on nearly every aspect of my life! i am so thankful for where i am at right now!



this grace that spreads over a wretch like me and calls me by my name in Christ. I do not know what my name is, as God calls me, but i am sure that it is beautiful. I am sure it is spoken with lovely tones every moment i breathe, as he watches over me. my Adonai. my Adonai. my precious Adonai.

"i will press on, for the sake of your beautiful name..." -ZOEGirl, 'Beautiful Name'

i am one content wretch right now :)

God's peace be with you all today and always!

the half door and the whole new promise!

My new dear friend and comrade named Emily was the half door. The most desperately confusing of my dilemmas was how to hang onto a good friendship with her, in spite of a growing attraction to her that I sensed in myself.

Yesterday, I told her flat out what the issues were within myself. We both feel really good about not trying a romantic relationship or anything of the sort. Friends-with-benefits is also out of the question! We are in fact quite content with simply being there for each other. I need her and I think she needs me.

Today she gave me a book, hiked with me, and let me break through her mask.

DC Talk wrote a book in 2001 called “Live Like a Jesus Freak”, as a companion to their previous book(s) about Jesus Freaks around the world. We’ve been talking a lot in recent days about what it will mean to really live for/like Jesus in our future- and present-tense selfs.

We have talked about Africa, college (and the idea of the lack-thereof), the reality of death and martyrdom for something real, the excitement of having no plans, the possibility of disappearance in order to actually accomplish things, the socio-economic (as well as the natural) stance of Phoenix, Arizona… and just about everything you never hear normal college kids talk about.

We talked about being real and intense and we both agree that we’ve finally met someone as crazy as ourselves! ☺ For we are quite few and far between.

We talked about the Native American reservations, Thailand, Mexico, Tanzania, China, Panama, and Uganda. We talked about how gross suburbs and developments are, and how all they ever do is give birth to themselves (the kind of stable environment that will die out when a new visitor or intruder is introduced). We talked about hating life here in its fakeness and apathy.

We even each tried a taste of some random plant I thought was a mint leaf until I put it in my mouth and thought it might be poison ivy, but thankfully she (being a wannabe Native American!) confirmed for me it is not!

Finally I am breaking out of this place and I am remembering who I exist for, and who I want to exist with. If I live my whole life in steady communication with people like Emily, I have a vague feeling that I should be doing just fine.

This really long blog is an attempt to give Em a shout-out and state that I have re-entered God’s arms for the millionth time in the past year, and maybe with the help of this book she’s given me, I’ll never be truly homesick again.

Thanks, Em.


Peace of Adonai be with you all.

my purity ring

maybe this ring-- a promise not to be sexually active before marriage, so as to save myself for my wife-- will possibly be the only ring i ever wear on my left hand. no engagement ring for guys, and no wedding band.

for now, that's the outlook i find God to be leading me toward. i'm pretty open to change, and i got no issue with this outlook changing in the future. but i like to think that if i roll with this outlook for now, then perhaps the woman i end up marrying will be honored in me not looking around my whole life before her. if i marry the prostitute hangin out on the corner, i won't be angry with her for her past. I want to be as faithful and loving and forgiving to her as Hosea (as faithful and loving and forgiving to ME as God)...

I know that if i stick to God and God alone for now, as the one i want to be most intimate wit, then i ain't worried bout who or what comes next wit dis revelation. got it?

i'm a sojourner, ragged, dirty, and pretty effin' broken, if you ask me.
but dass coo wit me. roll wit it.

by the way...
I know i'm real broken and i screw up almost everything i do, or try for, but i know that what i got best is my relationships with my brothers and sisters. thank you all.

peace.
(or rather,)
SHALOM
(^look it up, it's deeper than u may think)

YWAM (updated) & Isaiah

ok, so, it looks like i will be definitely taking a year off from school, starting with a DTS (Discipleship Training School) with YWAM in Arusha, Tanzania, from September 10, to January 25, 2008!

After that, it looks to me like I won't have a chance to begin even a spring semester. And frankly, I'm cool with that. pretty much the sweetest thing ever, because regardless of the events and locations my family will be at in the coming year, I will likely be spending some more time back in Arusha, with YWAM hopefully! I'll probably roll a bit in Indiana, Ohio, West Virginia, and Africa! :) random list, woohoo!

Oh, and here's this sweet passage I found from Isaiah this morning:

"Learn to do good.
Seek justice.
Help the oppressed.
Defend the cause of orphans.
Fight for the rights of widows."
-Isaiah 1:17 (New Living Translation)

check it. i love it!

pax, yo!

Our Vision: God's Heart

For you, Ash.

If we claim to be Christians, then we are inherent to God. We must have the same heart, passions, and interests as He does—we become an extension of God, Himself, whereas mankind should see Him in us. And therefore, we are missionaries.

What is 'missions'?

A common belief is that a missionary is similar to preacher, which is true for most parts. A missionary does as a preacher does by spreading the Word of God and by verbally expressing His Love, but a missionary is much more than that. A missionary is a servant to the community to which he/she inhabits. Remember: we can show God's Love more effectively by serving people than by simply telling them about it, and that is the quintessential 'mission'.

'Missions' is a choice to go wherever, to do and become whatever God wishes—whenever.

(This part's for you, Darling.)
If God calls you to do something, He will be with you always.

"...Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name;
you are mine.
I will be with you;
And when you pass through the rivers,
They will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
You will not be burned;
The flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the Lord, your God,
The Holy One of Israel, your Savior..."
- Isaiah 43: 1-3

'Missions' is an adventure in the Hands of God, seeing that we place ourselves in His Hands.
We must catch God’s Heart for the people of the community—to soften and heal hardened, fractured hearts and to reveal the Hands of God and the Love of God.