what if i stumble, what if i fall?

as Rob Bell has pointed out in one of his sermon's i've watched, everything is spiritual. there is to be no separation between our spirits and our bodies.

if that be the case then why do i struggle to stand so often?

i have many close friends whom i look to for guidance in life, people i imagine to be more strongly in touch with the Father. i look to them when i am weak in my walk. i look to them when i don't feel weak even (which may be when i am truly weakest, at times) and i see their example to be almost unattainable.

as many have struggled with over the years, i wonder if i am no longer simply IN the world, and if i've not become, somewhere along my self-infatuated path, OF the world.

in my efforts to be relevant i've only weakened the message and power of the Gospel.

each time i think i'm starting to get back on track i see that a friend is so much MORE excited about God than i am, and that they broadcast it more publicly than i. and i crumple, for i do not wish to be like them. i do not want to be known simply for shouting on and on of how much i'm in love with Jesus. i don't want to look to people like Jesus is all that i think about, though he most often is EXACTLY what i wish i could be channeled into 100% of the time. i just don't want to come across as though i'm saying i am "holier than thou". which is perhaps what i feel like when i look at others so seemingly in love with Jesus and at peace for it.

and this is the part in the story where i realize it is incredibly likely i am frankly OF the world.

and i don't know how to regain my stance of being in, and not of...

i see now that i am avoiding exactly what i want because i hate the idea of being titled and labeled and named as "one of them". it is not fear of association, as much as it is fear of being stuck, dependent under one title, one label alone.
and yet as much as i know my only real claim to any identity comes through Christ's claim on me, as a human trying to make an impact, and avoid stereotypes, i try to outrun his grace, love, and possession of my heart that i absolutely want him alone to have.

i am a stupid mule who is ignoring the call of the only farmer who will give me rest from the cold, tired world, just because i don't want to be seen as the one who wimped out and couldn't make it on his own. even though i know it is the best possible thing in this world for me, and maybe there's not even enough people watching me to see me "wimp out."

a strange place indeed, Watson.

Sunday!

today is the first sunday i've had off work since like two months ago! the weather outside is bloody brilliant!

(here's a look at my view from the library's second floor! and then one of me, chillin here, too!)





in about an hour and a half i'll have walked across a lovely little wooden bridge over a creek through many green backyards, and arrived at the house of some friends from church where i'll be worshipping with them together in the setting of their home church... i.e. church done the way it once was, back 2000 years ago... including a taco bar when we're finished haha! (ok, maybe peter, paul, and mary never had quite this kind of fiesta, but you get the picture!)

i had a lovely lunch, drove around a bit with the windows down, blasting great music and enjoying the view (for once, Indiana's farms actually become incredibly appealing lol!) and now, as you know, i'm chillin at the library while micah reads and i watch a couple old-school episodes of Disney channel's 'So Weird'... from like seriously 6 or 7 years ago! man this show rocks!

as i've come to discover... Peace is good, it is very good indeed.

PAX.
-archer

off my chest

when something's bottled up for a while and doesn't go away, it's cool to get it off your chest, even if you risk pain or perpetuating confusion. at least you've said your piece. and now i have peace. and grace to continue.



thanks be to God, my beautiful, adoring Adonai. for you have blessed a humbled man.

probably strange... came out of nowhere, huh?

Hey everyone, i know this probably seems to have come out of freakin nowhere! and to some extent it did. i'm finally having a some time alone with God, at this very moment, and i just wanted to say how beautiful God really is.

i personally forget it all too often. maybe we all do. i encourage us all to turn to our God, and seek the truth of his love and grace, and the beauty of his face.

without him, i'd have nothing real to offer anyone on here. i don't remember who said this, but i love it:

"what a man is, on his knees, before the LORD,
that he is, and nothing more."

yeah, sounds about right. i know i play myself and my work up (personally just me, i'm saying) to be something big. i really do believe it is. but i think i put too much of the guts and glory on myself whenever i start talking about my activism. this was never the intended outcome. but it happens all too often. i love my work, i love what i do! but i can't let it be the main focus of my heart, or else my heart will shrivel and dry up under strain and pressure. this is where God comes in, and if i'm diligent about going back to him, then i'll have no issues of how strong and full my heart is. my God is a God who loves and cares so deeply for ALL his children. he'd do anything (and did everything) to see his children get the best for them, in this life!

my God definitely cares about human rights, if he cares at all about his children. i like to think my work is done with him, as a friend and partner and servant and son, all at the same time. this way i can do it with perfect love even if my actions do not seem perfect.

PAX.

politics aside

Post Author: Archer

i read this AP article last night thru Yahoo News:
http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/world/20080130-1256-kenya-ethniccleansing.html

-'12:56 p.m. January 30, 2008
KISUMU, Kenya – The young man hefting a machete at the burning roadblock was frustrated. He'd been looking for five days, but could not find a member of the Kikuyu tribe to kill.
Members of Kenya's biggest tribe have disappeared in their thousands from Kisumu, making it the first – but perhaps not the last – city to be ethnically cleansed.'-

as i said in my last entry, i am no fan of Kibaki, and right now the thought of facing a Kikuyu in the streets terrifies me (and i fear for my dear friend Furaha, a non-Kikuyu Kenyan surviving in Nairobi right now and attempting to find a safe way back to her home in Kakamega, northwest of Kisumu, in western Kenya, not far from Lake Victoria.

i am no fan, indeed, but this is just digusting.

-'“If we find any Kikuyus, we're going to slaughter them or burn them alive,” 19-year-old Daniel Odongo said Wednesday, who wielded the machete...'-

KENYA!!!! shut up and listen! It seems your leaders don't care about you anymore at all, or else the over 800 dead would be enough to get them to sit down and talk. Face to Face.

KENYA!!!! ignore your leaders! let them deal with the politics themselves, but grow up and face your countrymen with love! put down your machetes and torches! let the civilians be civil and the government govern! Damnit, we don't want another Rwanda, or another Darfur, or another Somalia!

KENYA!!!! you used to be the beacon of light in East Africa! what happened?! were these ethnic hatreds too unbearable that suddenly you can't sit down to share the same bowl just because you disagree about who's won the election?!

KENYA!!!! believe me, brothers and sisters--we ALL have our opinions of who really won, and who should be in power and who should not! one of my friends, Doreen, has absolutely no intention of killing our friends Furaha and Patrick just because they voted for Odinga! i just spent five months surrounded by about 15 Kenyans who were divided politically, and there was absolutely no bloodshed!

KENYA!!!! you say you are Christians.... your nation is supposed to be EIGHTY PERCENT CHRISTIAN!!! where is your love, o brothers?!

KENYA!!!! show courage when you're not holding a machete! show courage and strength when called on to remove a roadblock, rather than light a huge tire on fire! show humility and be content with disagreement!


...if you cannot coexist in love and humility, may God have his way with you all, my beloved brothers and sisters.

stop staining your land, o beautiful Kenyans... stop killing your families...

God bring them peace before you bring them judgment. Yet not my will, but yours be done.

--Archer

MERRY CHRISTMAS

I wish you all a Merry Christmas!


I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and a happy holiday.
I hope you'll enjoy today's special day of love.
I hope you know what a huge gift has been given to us about 2000 years ago. And the most amazing thing is that this gift still lasts. It's not that you use that gift a few weeks and then it breaks or it becomes useless, no, it will always be useful and it will never break.
The gift I'm talking about is Jesus. He is the hugest present I ever received. God gave him to me and to all others who want to receive this gift.
Today we celebrate the the birth of Christ and the reason why so many people believe in this awesome God; LOVE!
God gave his own son to save us humans and the reason why he did this is the love he has for us humans.


MERRY CHRISTMAS
God bless You
-Krissi

when Intra nixes Inter

i can barely begin to write what i would like to write, certain of only one thing:
that i am uncertain how long i will ramble, or exactly what i will mean to say by the last words of this entry. here goes, brothers and sisters.

Intrapersonal is far more challenging for me. as a concept, Intrapersonal is not very appealling to me normally, aside from moments when suddenly romance is the farthest thing from my mind. but lately, after this current resurfacing, and finding yet another window in which to reach in and throttle me while i dream, i am choked by the need to be Intrapersonal.

Interpersonal is out of the question for the time being. i don't really know how exaclty to do such a thing: i shall live these coming weeks, months, perhaps years, seeking only my Jesus and my Adonai and my Spirit. and seeking only myself. only Archer. i have no desire to allow myself to yet again get more-or-less "hitched" to someone. been there. done that. got hurt. hurt her. it sucks.

i need some time as me. i've got a lot of work to do on myself. a lot of effort to pour into the right relationship. i can't keep working on all the wrong ones before their time.

i think i want to be married. but i want to be married to my best friend, not my girlfriend. i want my wife to know me. not just kiss me and hold me. i want my wife to treat me like any other woman i know most of the time. i want a friendship, not just a "relationship." i want truth, not romance. i want genuine love, not puppy love or high school sweethearts. i want a partner in life, someone to work with all my life, not someone i simply come home to every night, who just makes me my meals, cleans my house, and cuddles with me for a movie at night.

i know i want something real. i want someone who aches for justice, and lives in the moment, unaware of the perception others have of her. i want someone who laughs so hard she cries, and cries so hard her head hurts. i want someone very broken, very imperfect, very far from anything i can continue to describe. so i won't even try.

but before i even consider any of these, i need my Jesus and my Adonai and my Spirit.

these i need, and only these. and now i've got my choice. a great deal of mistakes in my past, but there's no pressure on me to win any heart, but to simply return to the heart i never had to win.

pray for me. i've got a long and winding road ahead of me, and i'm really excited for it!
PAX.
-archer

veritas.

i am turning to the arms of a woman whom i have always trusted in my pursuit of veritas. my deepest feelings and thoughts will be in a journal to her, so perhaps it may be a spell until my next entry here.

just pray for me. my pursuits of truth and love and faith--with works--and beauty... they have thus far failed. the Bible is barely exciting at this point. sadly. i need to read the gospels and that will undoubtedly help me. i just need to meet with Jesus again, and lay down arms (rather than take them up) alongside my Lord. in his companionship i will find my wholeness and a holiness untaintable.

pray for me, sisters and brothers.
pray for Em and I,
pray for Em,
pray for YWAM.

amen.

white dinner dishes... and the joyous unknown

Last week, i spent time with Emily and her family (her parents, her sister, and her brother-in-law-to-be).

The conversation over a wonderful dinner of salad, egg-salad, corn on the cob (freshly shucked about the time i arrived at her house) and chicken--for them-- dwelt often upon the plans for the wedding and the banquet afterwords between Emily's sister Lauren and Nathan, an awesome guy i wish i could get to know better. At one point, as i zoned in and out of the conversation, since Em and i were enjoying a side-bar of silly remarks between the two of us, i found that the discussion had turned to the dinner dishes and the set of tableware to accompany. her mother and her sister decided that it was wise to stick with plain white or off-white plates, because they could go with any kind of food very easily and wouldn't be an eye-sore.

that is very true... a hot pink saucer doesn't exactly jive with chocolate pudding without looking vaguely bloody, i would imagine.

i became introverted at that point again since i often do when i realize my input would be a waste of breath seeing as how my expertise is not in the arts of interior design.

in case any of my readers haven't caught on yet, i am one of a small pool of largely unpopular critics when it comes to hating suburban life. as joyful as i am for the couple i'd only just met that night, i can't help but thinking that in the lifestyle i see myself called to, there is little need for an understanding of which color of plate will suit which delicious dinner combo.

my lifestyle choice: living poor among the poor, loving incarnationally as Jesus did, serving the marginalized in every society.

as this thought wanders into my brain yet again, this solemn Sunday evening, i wonder at the depth of my realization.

just as Em and i have both come (again) to this understanding that for now we are very likely meant to be single and devoted first and foremost to God, i have come to realize that i could never provide for a wife. as it is now, i can barely sustain myself and with all the costs i am finding in my journey to Africa, i think i will be nearly completely broke upon my return.

i have developed a great admiration of Brother Andrew, who brought strength to so many members of the underground church--and likely still does. in reading his autobiographical book entitled "God's Smuggler" (and known to a newer generation as "The Narrow Road"), i have often wished to have been serving alongside him in the most dangerous places beyond the Iron Curtain.

he eventually married, though he worked in a lonely state for so long that he feared he would remain single his whole life.

i pray for a wife (got someone in mind). but, most importantly, i pray for God's best. and i pray for peace and strength to endure it if he grants me himself as my only Love.

i want to be either like Elijah the prophet, or Brother Andrew the Bible smuggler and preacher. i have faith that God will give me what i need for the journey. whether that is simply partners and comrades or, most fondly, a wife... is up to him.

God of grace and God of glory... i trust you and i pray for your will.

z3r0

my bank account used to be relatively full. like, good enough for me. single, male 19-yr-old book lover who's not materialistic.

but today, in a couple blinks of an eye... credit card, phone, car insurance, and fender bender costs have nearly killed it.

i was a wreck about it earlier today.

the day after i find out YWAM accepts me to the September DTS, i lose whatever financial advantage i had.

the move is killing our family's finances, too. so, they're not really going to be able to support me entirely. i've got pretty close to $2,500 to $3,000 i've gotta raise. right now, look's like by sundown i'm gonna have less than $500 i can actually call my own. in one day i lose about $1,200.

my wastefulness is my sin. these are the wages of my sin. sort of. nice play on words, huh?

as much as i'm dumbfounded by my stupidity and sin, i am at peace with the likelihood that somehow God's still gonna carry me over to Africa. to YWAM. to Tanzania. to my brothers and sisters who will teach me how to be the man of God i will spend the rest of my life trying to be.

God is awesome. and never short of cash. amen.

sticky

i am not entirely broken anymore... or so i feel.
i'm vaguely put back together, and i'm waiting for the moment when i will finally obey the calling i feel on my life.
vaguely put back together, but the glue's still sticky and it slows me down in the days when i should be picking up speed.

but then again if i speed up too fast i might shatter all over again.

i'm going to Africa one way or another. it's a life of God's calling for me. a daily obedience is the only way to go.

Brother Andrew got to be a smuggler. and still is, i think. i wanna do what he did and does. i wanna stand motionless and fearless in the face of men and machines dominated by evil desires. i want them to be awakened to the reality that they don't run the show. i want to give hope to someone just as broken as me, to help glue them back together. another humpty-dumpty.

((i think i've heard it said that humpty dumpty was helped only by the King's MEN and the King's HORSES.... but what about the King, himself?))

maybe i can be the King's hands for someone behind bars, or maybe i'll be the one behind bars. maybe my execution's slated for sunrise, and my brother in the cell across from me... as we hold fast to a look between each others' eyes... maybe my brother gives me strength so my knees won't be feeble as i'm escorted to the blocks. maybe my brother and i share one last prayer, as the golden sun slips bitter-sweet through the slatted window over my head. maybe it's gonna be a relief from the gnawing hunger to breathe one last time that day. maybe in that last prayer, something in God's agenda comes along and boosts my brother out of his cell and he raises a church.

if all i ever do is make eye contact with my brother in the cell across from me and never see him (or anyone else) again, then i have faith that God will take care of the rest.

PAX DOMINI

the straps of my sandals are my home. whenever i am wearing them... i know God has me exactly where he wants me..

i don't know much about my future... i barely know my next step... i pray for incredible courage as i lift my feet to plant them in the straps of my sandals. once they are there and i take the next step, my fears will susbide and i will truly depend on you, my beloved and beautiful Adonai!

I pray that you will never leave me, although i already know that you have never even allowed an inkling of such a thought to occur to you.

I will depend on you and some of my brothers and sisters and your work through them to survive the rest of my life, my God, my King!

I will stand in your presence every moment of my life... i will bow at your feet and thank you and praise you for everyone you send my way.

i will thank you every waking moment for the beautiful and upright woman you have blessed me with as a companion. we will strive on, seeking you every morning.

i love my sandals, God, i love that once i put them on, i will have everything in the world. the clothes on my back and the bread on my table, or the water running between my fingers... God you will provide. whether i sleep under the stars or a roof made of drywall and plumbing, or plaster, or tin sheeting.... God i will ever be under your wings.

When i come home to you, leaving this earth, i will be most thankful, and i will really truly understand the depths of your love...

but i know that from the moment i put my sandals on, i will be with you in ALL that i do... God let your piller of fire-- your shakainah-- be ever present. and be unto everyone i know, everyone i encounter, everyone i love, exactly what you are to me-- my strength, my hope, my courage, and most importantly, your are simply my plan, God.

i love you, Adonai, and i thank you with every fiber of my being and every strand of my soul...

Amen.

"Right Here!"

listening to Out Of Eden's song "Soldiers" right now in a hotel in Indiana on vacation...

Emily's myspace page has a list of some of the sweetest frickin songs.... the problem is how frequently she changes them! :)
So, listening to their sweet, strong voices as they call on a new generation to rise up...

"all my people in the place
lookin good with style an' grace
but here's my question-listen clear-
where my soldiers at? right here!"

I guess i best be on my way... start risin up and callin out... makin sure i'm ready for a fight!

I'm coming into a very strong relationship with Adonai, and Emily is largely the one i must thank.
my dad's even noticed how much stronger my relationship with Jesus is.
i've even noticed that grace has taken a far greater hold on nearly every aspect of my life! i am so thankful for where i am at right now!



this grace that spreads over a wretch like me and calls me by my name in Christ. I do not know what my name is, as God calls me, but i am sure that it is beautiful. I am sure it is spoken with lovely tones every moment i breathe, as he watches over me. my Adonai. my Adonai. my precious Adonai.

"i will press on, for the sake of your beautiful name..." -ZOEGirl, 'Beautiful Name'

i am one content wretch right now :)

God's peace be with you all today and always!

Julian of Norwich

Julian of Norwich once said, "Sin is necessary, but all will be well, and all will be well, and all manner of things will be well."

I just remembered this old quote by a very respectable character in history. her name was Julain of Norwich, and i guess she was considered a mystic of sorts.

I don't really know anything much about her, save from her gender and that she was around centuries ago. and that a lot of people like to quote her.

come to think of it, i'm not even entirely sure where i first read this phrase... but i know i wrestled with clearly defining it for a long time. and (wouldn't ya figure) it hits me at the one moment i am actually examining myself, and not even thinking of the quote or anything (or anyone) else.

my mother really prodded me once i printed this off and scotch-taped it to the front of my bedroom door. i couldn't really answer the "why", i just knew there was truth to it.

i just realized that it's meaning is quite obvious:

without sin, we undoubtedly equate ourselves to God. to be equittable with the God responsible for all things in the known and unknown world entirely devalues God. if we did not sin, why would we need God?
It is only in God that i believe we realize who we really are, and that there is only God's way to go. "my way or the highway" pretty much.

i know from experience, the highway gets real old real fast. i think it's high time i realign.

pax.

the half door and the whole new promise!

My new dear friend and comrade named Emily was the half door. The most desperately confusing of my dilemmas was how to hang onto a good friendship with her, in spite of a growing attraction to her that I sensed in myself.

Yesterday, I told her flat out what the issues were within myself. We both feel really good about not trying a romantic relationship or anything of the sort. Friends-with-benefits is also out of the question! We are in fact quite content with simply being there for each other. I need her and I think she needs me.

Today she gave me a book, hiked with me, and let me break through her mask.

DC Talk wrote a book in 2001 called “Live Like a Jesus Freak”, as a companion to their previous book(s) about Jesus Freaks around the world. We’ve been talking a lot in recent days about what it will mean to really live for/like Jesus in our future- and present-tense selfs.

We have talked about Africa, college (and the idea of the lack-thereof), the reality of death and martyrdom for something real, the excitement of having no plans, the possibility of disappearance in order to actually accomplish things, the socio-economic (as well as the natural) stance of Phoenix, Arizona… and just about everything you never hear normal college kids talk about.

We talked about being real and intense and we both agree that we’ve finally met someone as crazy as ourselves! ☺ For we are quite few and far between.

We talked about the Native American reservations, Thailand, Mexico, Tanzania, China, Panama, and Uganda. We talked about how gross suburbs and developments are, and how all they ever do is give birth to themselves (the kind of stable environment that will die out when a new visitor or intruder is introduced). We talked about hating life here in its fakeness and apathy.

We even each tried a taste of some random plant I thought was a mint leaf until I put it in my mouth and thought it might be poison ivy, but thankfully she (being a wannabe Native American!) confirmed for me it is not!

Finally I am breaking out of this place and I am remembering who I exist for, and who I want to exist with. If I live my whole life in steady communication with people like Emily, I have a vague feeling that I should be doing just fine.

This really long blog is an attempt to give Em a shout-out and state that I have re-entered God’s arms for the millionth time in the past year, and maybe with the help of this book she’s given me, I’ll never be truly homesick again.

Thanks, Em.


Peace of Adonai be with you all.

that hallway of 82 and a half...

i'm standing in a hallway right now, lined with 82 and a half open doors.

yeah that half-door's quite the confusing one.

until i am on the north american continent again in late january 2008, i will not know which one is best. hopefully 81 and a half doors will close. or maybe 82, and then that half-door will grow open or something.

being torn kinda sucks a lot.
Africa will shape me and define me. create me and build me. support me and direct me.
until then i will see only open doors. even the violent ones. i hope those ones close so the peaceful ones can be more appealling. but i can roll with whatever. i shall take all because i have made peace with all. all but that half-door.

still workin' on that one.

the mountains are trembling and time is crescendoing earth's very existence, God's very presence. it's all here. now i just must wait. the entire puzzle is waiting for that one large piece. i am waiting for that one large piece. then can i know whether or not i will someday marry a beautiful queen. until then i struggle to daily make peace with the likelihood that i will go solo on this earth.

if i do marry, she better be fighting by my side. and i better be fighting by her side.

when i recognize you next to me, surging into the jungle mist, across the hazy savannah, and the searing Sahara... then will i take a knee to your soft hand and reach for your finger. if i may.

if i am extinguished before that moment, know that i wanted to reach that point. know that i wanted to get there. but that my number was up too early. i'm at peace with that. ready to go.

"how are you not afraid to go over there?"
"because i know i'm going to die there."

..."good nuff fo me"...

pax to the beloved of heavenly Adonai

my purity ring

maybe this ring-- a promise not to be sexually active before marriage, so as to save myself for my wife-- will possibly be the only ring i ever wear on my left hand. no engagement ring for guys, and no wedding band.

for now, that's the outlook i find God to be leading me toward. i'm pretty open to change, and i got no issue with this outlook changing in the future. but i like to think that if i roll with this outlook for now, then perhaps the woman i end up marrying will be honored in me not looking around my whole life before her. if i marry the prostitute hangin out on the corner, i won't be angry with her for her past. I want to be as faithful and loving and forgiving to her as Hosea (as faithful and loving and forgiving to ME as God)...

I know that if i stick to God and God alone for now, as the one i want to be most intimate wit, then i ain't worried bout who or what comes next wit dis revelation. got it?

i'm a sojourner, ragged, dirty, and pretty effin' broken, if you ask me.
but dass coo wit me. roll wit it.

by the way...
I know i'm real broken and i screw up almost everything i do, or try for, but i know that what i got best is my relationships with my brothers and sisters. thank you all.

peace.
(or rather,)
SHALOM
(^look it up, it's deeper than u may think)

YWAM (updated) & Isaiah

ok, so, it looks like i will be definitely taking a year off from school, starting with a DTS (Discipleship Training School) with YWAM in Arusha, Tanzania, from September 10, to January 25, 2008!

After that, it looks to me like I won't have a chance to begin even a spring semester. And frankly, I'm cool with that. pretty much the sweetest thing ever, because regardless of the events and locations my family will be at in the coming year, I will likely be spending some more time back in Arusha, with YWAM hopefully! I'll probably roll a bit in Indiana, Ohio, West Virginia, and Africa! :) random list, woohoo!

Oh, and here's this sweet passage I found from Isaiah this morning:

"Learn to do good.
Seek justice.
Help the oppressed.
Defend the cause of orphans.
Fight for the rights of widows."
-Isaiah 1:17 (New Living Translation)

check it. i love it!

pax, yo!

grip.

i am in Macedonia, OH--right now. i am sitting in a hotel room which i am renting alone for the day, the night, and the morning tomorrow. i spent last night here already and today i have only been in contact with the hostess and waitresses at Denny's across the parking lot.

oh, and with God.

yeah. finally. this was why i came out here. to be alone with God.

and i think all he wants to keep telling me is what he wants from me. I've actually gotten pissed at him already this morning.
pissed because i'm not in Africa yet. i wish i could blame him for my not being there yet. but perhaps i am solely at blame.

it really doesn't matter who's to blame... the point is what he's telling me. and i think he's honestly telling me to be an example of his love. an example of his love in Africa.

i am not at home, and even when i return to Cleveland tonight, i will not be at home. i don't believe i ever really have been.

in speaking with Evon last night, i told her i wanted just one revelation on this retreat. and i think i've gotten it. i think it's more affirmation that Africa is where he wants me... as soon as i can get there.

I want peace in this world. but no matter how few wars there will be in the future... there will never be peace unless my brothers and sisters in Africa can stop going to bed each night with the fear that they won't wake in the morning.

as i put in my prayer journal this morning--

"Hurt me & hold me
Disturb me and wound me.

All I want in this world
is to live & work so that
my grave may read:

'He love and
served others'"


...love God. love people. nothing else matters...

Our Vision: God's Heart

For you, Ash.

If we claim to be Christians, then we are inherent to God. We must have the same heart, passions, and interests as He does—we become an extension of God, Himself, whereas mankind should see Him in us. And therefore, we are missionaries.

What is 'missions'?

A common belief is that a missionary is similar to preacher, which is true for most parts. A missionary does as a preacher does by spreading the Word of God and by verbally expressing His Love, but a missionary is much more than that. A missionary is a servant to the community to which he/she inhabits. Remember: we can show God's Love more effectively by serving people than by simply telling them about it, and that is the quintessential 'mission'.

'Missions' is a choice to go wherever, to do and become whatever God wishes—whenever.

(This part's for you, Darling.)
If God calls you to do something, He will be with you always.

"...Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name;
you are mine.
I will be with you;
And when you pass through the rivers,
They will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
You will not be burned;
The flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the Lord, your God,
The Holy One of Israel, your Savior..."
- Isaiah 43: 1-3

'Missions' is an adventure in the Hands of God, seeing that we place ourselves in His Hands.
We must catch God’s Heart for the people of the community—to soften and heal hardened, fractured hearts and to reveal the Hands of God and the Love of God.